Adam: Brea, just come over after school and we can watch a movie. I rented Brewster's Millions.
Dave Kim: The story of a guy who wastes a bunch of money just so he can get more money to waste?
Adam: I know the plot, Dave Kim!

Adult Adam: [v.o.] But it turns out there was one person. Her name was Brea Bee. Her acting was so nuanced, so touching, so incredibly soul-wrenching that, at the next rehearsal, there wasn't a dry eye in the house. Even that guy was crying.
Ms. Cinoman: [claps] Chills. Clio, Erato, Calliope, your legacy lives on through the scarlet goddess that is Brea Bee.
Adam: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let's pump the brakes a little. So she got the sprinklers working. Big deal.
Dave Kim: "Big deal"? That was transcendent. This is going in the article.
Adam: Which article? My article?
Dave Kim: You're still a part of it. [records] Adam Goldberg, what's it like to perform opposite someone who's wildly more talented than you?

Adam: What the hell, Dave Kim?! This article is all about Brea. There's nothing about me in here anywhere.
Dave Kim: Not true. It clearly says "Brea Bee outshines her lesser castmates." See? "Lesser castmates." There you are.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Back in the '80s, it felt like I grew up at school. From crashing assemblies to crushing school dances, I found lots of ways to leave my mark. But that didn't matter now that I was an upperclassman, 'cause nothing cemented your legacy quite like your senior prank.
JC Spink: Fellow seniors, throw out your prank suggestions. No bad ideas.
Dave Kim: We all come to school wearing turtlenecks.
JC Spink: There are bad ideas.

JC Spink: I mean, we gotta hit that statue now. Ball basically just told us to.
Brea: What if we just dressed him up in an embarrassing outfit?
Dave Kim: Adam, you have tons of shameful costumes, right?
Adam: Normally, I'd jump at the chance to show off my collection of screen-worn memorabilia, but Principal Ball made it pretty clear... that statue's a big no-no.
Dave Kim: Dude, this is our senior prank. It's our last chance. Once we're adults, pranks are called crimes.

Dave Kim: Guys, guess what happened?
JC Spink: Puberty?
Brian: Say goodbye to clear skin and hello to weird feelings about your mom's friend Janet.
Dave Kim: I just got asked to prom by Sydney!
JC Spink: Sydney the cheerleader asked you, with that haircut? Explain yourself.
Dave Kim: She just walked up and did it. I kind of blacked out after that, but it's real.
Adam: But what about White Swan Park?
Dave Kim: Screw White Swan. I'm going to prom with the hottest girl in school. No offense, Brea.
Brea: Women aren't some commodity for you to rank.
Dave Kim: Fine, you're co-number ones.
Brian: Dave Kim, I'm impressed.
JC Spink: Yeah, your face suddenly looks less punchable.
Dave Kim: Oh, man. I gotta get my magician's tux from the trunk in the attic. The Amazing Dave is amazing again.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Growing up, I hated sports. It wasn't just that I was unathletic and uncoordinated, but... Yeah, okay, that was most of it.
Adam: Why are the halls bustling?
Dave Kim: Everyone's pumped for Friday's big game against Germantown. It's the one day the jocks high-five me instead of low-two me.
Adam: What's a low-two?
Dave Kim: Ah, nice try! That court document is sealed.

Sydney: [cheers] # Dave Kim, he's our man # If he can't do it, no one can #
Dave Kim: What exactly can no one do that I maybe can?
Sydney: Win the Science Fair by simulating a wind turbine. Way to go, Davy. [kisses Dave Kim on the cheek]
Dave Kim: I don't know what's happening, but this is farther than I've gotten in my dreams.

Dave Kim: Why are we celebrating the mom from The Brady Bunch?
Brea: What does it matter? Even those giant posters of Carol Brady's head can't change that this is a really romantic dance.
Dave Kim: Are you okay?
Brea: Not really. I just... I can't believe I'm not here with the guy I love.
Dave Kim: Well, maybe he's closer than you think.
Brea: Oh. Oh, no, no, no. Dave Kim, you're a really great friend, but...
Dave Kim: I meant that Adam's here!

Erica: Have your fun, but while I'm starting my new life, you'll be here all alone with Mom.
Adam: What are you talking about?
Erica: Dad's at that furniture convention, remember?
Adam: [sighs] Oh.
Dave Kim: Wow, people will really convene over anything.
Erica: And while he's away, Mom is gonna be on you like gravy on rice.
Dave Kim: You put gravy on rice?
Erica: You can gravy anything, Dave Kim. But the point is, Adam's in real trouble.
Adam: Dammit, she's right! She's gonna smother me like gravy on muffins.
Dave Kim: Gravy is not that versatile.