Adam: Stop stealing! That's the Kim family microwave. I have you on film!
Man: [takes camera] Mine.
Brea: I'm not sure the camera worked like you thought it would.
Dave Kim: [glass shatters] My mom's Franklin Mint commemorative plate collection! [glass shatters] Those are worth a fortune or possibly nothing!

Adam: Okay, I got Footloose, Back to the Future, and the John Hughes tour de force Pretty in Pink.
Dave Kim: In the real world, Molly Ringwald would never end up with the handsome rich kid, Blane.
Adam: Then who? Duckie?
Dave Kim: They deserve each other. Him with his dumb hats and her with that crappy dress.
Adam: That dress is iconic! They named the movie after it!
Dave Kim: It wasn't even flattering. Too much frill and those puffy arms. Not for Dave Kim.
Adam: Thank God the fashion house of Dave Kim has weighed in.
Dave Kim: I know two things. Fashion and women. Brea will obviously be voted prom queen, while you'll be left in the shadows, literally, holding her tasteful, beaded clutch.
Adam: That's nonsense, Dave Kim.

Adam: What's happening?
Dave Kim: What's happening is you're cool.
Adam: Oh, come on, Dave Kim. It's Adam Goldberg, a classic nerd. "Nanu-nanu." "Goonies never say die." "Wax-on wax-off."
Dave Kim: You hang out with the jocks, you're dating Brea Bee, and the sun dances on your hair like Christmas morning. Face it, you're cool.
Adam: Please. There's no difference between you and me.
Brian Walls: Trash day. [both pick up Dave]
Dave Kim: This turtleneck is a classic! They don't make it in "tickle me pink" anymore!

Adult Adam: [v.o.] While Barry and Erica were moving backwards, I was looking forward to seeing my old friends.
Adam: What's up, nerds? I mean, fellow nerds. I mean, who wants to play the sequel we've all been waiting for, Super Mario 2?
Dave Kim: We beat that months ago.
Emmy: We're on Super Mario 3 now.
Adam: There's an S.M.3?
Matthew: Not in America. But my brother's teaching English in Japan, and he sent over a copy.
Dave Kim: We've been learning Japanese all summer to get ready for it.
Adam: You need to know Japanese to play?
Matthew: [speaks Japanese] [Dave and Emmy laugh]
Adam: Wow, I really missed a lot.
Dave Kim: You really did, dude.
Adam: Well, I'm here now, and I'm excited to fully hang with my nerd herd. I don't know why I keep insulting you.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Sure, it can be scary to change something that's been the same for a long time.
Emmy: Oh, hey. Come to invite us to group dodgeball?
Matthew: Or a wedgie tournament?
Dave Kim: Or throw my glasses in that long urinal where you sometimes touch shoulders with strangers?
Adam: I'm really sorry for forcing you to do things you weren't comfortable with. But you all mean the world to me, and I guess what I'm trying to say is... [in Japanese] Can we still be friends?
Emmy: [in Japanese] Definitely.
Matthew: [in Japanese] Of course.
Dave Kim: [in Japanese] Where is the library? I have three lemons. Mail box!
Adam: [in English] Oh, man, I just learned the one thing.
Dave Kim: You'll catch up.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] In the end, when we change who we are, it doesn't mean we lose who we were or who we care about. And through all those changes, the people who love us will always be there. Truth is, we never stop growing up. Everyone just does it at their own speed. Yeah, I'd come a long way since I was a freshman. It was my senior year, and it was gonna be different for all of us. But one thing was for sure... I couldn't wait for the adventure to begin.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Yep, he used every trick in the breakup book, like the Dear John letter.
Naked Rob: "Dear Rob, it's over. Sincerely, Naked Rob's girlfriend. Don't look for answers."
Adult Adam: [v.o.] The intimidating home-wrecker.
Dave Kim: Andy Cogan?
Andy: Yeah?
Dave Kim: I'm your romantic rival, and I have easily claimed your girlfriend.
Andy: What? But you're a turtlenecked child!
Dave Kim: A turtlenecked child with a fresh twenty in his pocket!
Andy: What?
Dave Kim: Don't look for answers.

Erica: Nice try, dumbass. This is low even for you.
Barry: Geoff, you took this strumpet back after what she did?!
Erica: Barry, I didn't cheat on him!
Barry: Oh, don't play her games! She knows what she did!
Geoff: Barry, we know you're behind this and we can prove it.
Dave Kim: Sorry, Barry. Even though this guy wears sandals, he's quick like a rabbit.
Barry: I want my 20 dollars back.
Dave Kim: Long gone, muchacho. Like me. Enjoy whatever this is.

Dave Kim: You have no idea what we deal with.
Brian Walls: Like my English teacher only calls on me when we're reading Othello. I mean, does he only ask the Danish kids to read when we're doing Hamlet?
Adam: Magnus mostly keeps to himself, but I see what you're saying.
Dave Kim: And why does my Home-Ec teacher keep calling me Connie Chung as a joke?
Adam: Because Connie Chung is a national treasure?
Dave Kim: No! I mean, granted, she is. Maury Povich hit the jackpot when he married her. But it doesn't make it okay.
Adam: [sighs] I feel terrible for not seeing these things or doing anything to stop them. So many racisms.
Dave Kim: Stop calling it that, but yes. And there's tons more. I've jotted down a few incidents. [binder thuds]
Adam: Wow, that is a thick binder. Maybe even too much to digest in one sitting? [off Dave and Brian's look] The fight is ours. Let's dig in.

JC Spink: [emotionally] Mr. Woodburn, you taught me a lot about chemistry, but even more about being a man. I love ya, fella.
Mr. Woodburn: [cries] Y-You have no idea how much that means to me. You... You kids are my life.
Adam: What the hell is this?
Principal Ball: Pure, unadulterated honesty. And it's beautiful.
Dave Kim: Here goes nothing. Sydney, since second grade, I've been in love with you. Say you'll give us a chance.
Sydney: In that same spirit of honesty, I have no idea who you are.
Principal Ball: It's been incredible. Except for Dave Kim. I mean, that was really brutal.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Yep, unlike my siblings, the last thing I wanted was any confrontation.
Dave Kim: Oh, man! Lasagna. Even more delicious layers than a Nora Ephron script.