Adult Adam: [v.o.] Back in the '80s, there was no more beloved couple than Erica and Geoff. Unfortunately, after a disastrous camping trip, they were utterly broken up, and Erica wasn't ready for the world to know.
Erica: Hey, um, Barry, nobody else knows about the breakup besides you. You will not tell the dopes inside this house.
Barry: But I keep nothing from them. Intimate financial details, anatomical distresses, historical shames... it's all for public consumption.

Barry: As you know, Joanne and I have been getting very serious recently.
Murray: Wait, the lady from the car wash? Ah, she does a deep scrub. Good for you, pal!

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Getting the lead was the highest honor for a drama kid, and it wasn't just some silly musical. For the first time, I was going to act.
Brea: I'm so psyched for you.
Adam: Right? It's like I'm whoever the best athlete in the world is, but for theater.
Brea: So, the Michael Jordan of theater?
Adam: I'll take your word for it, but maybe.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] As I set my sights on a leading lady, my dad took the lead on cheering up my heartbroken sister.
Murray: Everything's gonna be all right, sweetheart. I think. I don't know. Y-You tell me.
Beverly: [sits up] Damn it, Murray, you are absolutely terrible at comforting me.
Murray: Of course I am. And why are you in Erica's room?
Beverly: Because it reminds me of Geoff, okay? He was my everything.
Murray: What are you talking about?
Beverly: God! You don't get it. You don't get me. Just leave me alone.
Murray: I would, but who's gonna put the tomato sauce on the meatloaf?

Erica: I brought ice cream.
Murray: Ah, yeah!
Erica: For Mom.
Murray: Who comes into a room and says something like that?

Erica: Why are you as upset as me?
Beverly: Because I had plans for your future.
Erica: Please don't tell me you're already thinking about our wedding.
Beverly: It's mid-April. Everything's in bloom. [chuckles] We're overlooking Bushkill Falls, the Niagara of Pennsylvania. There's a 25-person limit, but we can push it to 200.
Erica: Sounds reasonable.
Beverly: Then once we get back from our honeymoon in Hawaii - yes, I am going - you two will move into the Kremps' house.
Erica: So, in this world, the Kremps no longer live across the street?
Beverly: Not when they notice all the possums I've been sneaking into their attic.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] While my mom worked behind the scenes to save Geoff and Erica, Brea was about to take center stage.
Adam: Welcome to the court where I play my sport. [inhales deeply] The sport of theater.
Brea: The lights are so bright. I'm sweating. Are you sweating?
Adam: Just think of this stage as a volleyball court.
Brea: I did win a district championship with 100 people watching. The coach told me to imagine them all naked. I knew what he meant, but he still got fired.
Adam: It's kind of the same. The only difference is instead of slapping a ball, you're mining your deepest pain to explore the contradiction of the human experience. Dave Kim, you getting this?
Dave Kim: "Pretentious, pretentious, volleyball." Got it.
Adam: He's writing a piece on me for the school paper. Lead in the play, inspiration to others. It writes itself.
Dave Kim: How's this for a headline? "Adam Goldberg: Star in the Making."
Adam: I like it, but it kind of says I'm not a star yet.
Dave Kim: How about, "Adam Goldberg: A Star That Was Already Made"?
Adam: You got there yourself.

Beverly: Wait. Is that... It is. Geoff Schwartz! What are the chances?
Geoff: Down the street from my parents' house? Pretty high.
Beverly: Well, this is a happy co-ink-a-dink, because I have some stuff you left at our house.
Geoff: Okay, you can just put those things in the back. Or just climb in and crush my sunglasses. [car door closes]
Beverly: Here's the elegant "Gerica" sweater that reminds you of the good times.
Geoff: That's clearly not mine.
Beverly: Oh, and a bottle of Erica's favorite perfume. Wow. That's gotta bring back some memories, huh?
Geoff: [coughs] My eyes! It's so searing and evocative!
Beverly: Mm. Look. Her diary. Oopsy. I opened it. "Dear diary, I sure do miss Geoff's snuggly body. I wish he could go back to being my loverboy."
Geoff: It's obvious you're trying to get me to go back to Erica.
Beverly: How dare you? I'm just a concerned citizen randomly walking the neighborhood with the possessions of my daughter and her former loverboy.
Geoff: Please stop saying "loverboy."
Beverly: Does "boy lover" feel more natural?
Geoff: It does not.
Beverly: I guess someone can't have an open and honest conversation.
Geoff: I'm sorry. It's just, however hard you think this breakup is for you, it's harder for me.
Beverly: Geoff, I know.
Geoff: Thank you.
Beverly: But I will 1,000% get you back together, whether you want me to or not. [car door closes]
Geoff: You left your box!
Beverly: Geoff, that [bleep] isn't mine.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] After my girlfriend crushed her audition for the play, I had no choice but to use every acting trick in the book to keep up.
Adam: I like New York, unique you-nork. Ah, damn you, unmuscular tongue!

Adam: I like New York.
Murray: Not a fan. Providence, Rhode Island... that's a city.
Adam: New York is irrelevant, Dad. I'm using an acting technique to improve my stage voice.
Murray: You know who's a great actor? The Fall Guy, Lee Majors. Very handsome.
Adam: Acting isn't entirely about appearance, but I could see how you'd make that mistake.
Murray: They paid $6 million for that guy... a bargain.