Dave Kim: Dude, these swords are bad ass. How'd you get 'em?
Adam: Simple. I used my dad's love of sports and the awkwardness of our relationship to get what I wanted.
Dave Kim: Wow. Behind the mask and glasses lies a devious mind.

Garry: What'd your hot mom pack for lunch today?
Dave Kim: She is hot, dude. Dave Kim likes an hour-glass shape. It harkens back to Hollywood.
Adam: Shut up, Dave Kim.

Adam: It was September 1980-something, a brand-new year of school with my same old, awesome friends.
Emmy Mirsky: Hey, dumb-ass. Still a dumb-ass?
Adam: You know it, Muscles. Dave Kim, see you're still rocking the turtleneck.
Dave Kim: I was thinking of making the switch to a mock turtleneck, but why change what works?

Adam: How could Jackie pass on the Bazaar-nival?
Dave Kim: It's the Bazaar-nival! Bro, your lady just went full Zuko on you.
Adam: Full wha?
Dave Kim: You know, Danny Zuko from "Grease." After months of summer loving, Sandy returns to school and finds Zuko totally changed.
Emmy Mirsky: In this instance, you're the Sandy.
Dave Kim: And like the movie, the only way to keep your girl is to change everything about yourself in utter desperation.
Adam: That's a horrible message for children!
Dave Kim: The worst. But the songs are real toe-tappers.

Mrs. Kim: Exactly. You're the last person in the world he wants on a field trip.
Beverly: But chaperoning is the one thing I'm still allowed to be a part of!
Mrs. Kim: Just feel lucky you made it to 10th grade, Bev.
Vinny: Jackie cut me off in 8th grade. Independence Hall.
Virginia Kremp: 6th grade, Freedom Trail.
Mrs. Kim: 5th grade. Ben Franklin Museum. Dave Kim told me to... go fly a kite.
Mrs. Mirsky: For me it was 3rd grade. My Emmy is garbage.

Dave Kim: What are we gonna do, man? I can't ever read another one of these. I cried in my mom's bosom. Her bosom!

Dave Kim: You can't throw him this bachelor party in this movie, man. You can't do it.
Adam: I know, Dave Kim.
Dave Kim: There's so much bad language and full-frontal shenanigans.
Adam: I know, Dave Kim!
Dave Kim: Why would boyishly lovable Tom Hanks agree to be in this? He's done. He'll never work again.
Adam: I know, Dave Kim!!
Dave Kim: Barry said his marriage hinges on this! What are you gonna do, bro?!
Adam: I don't know, Dave Kim. I don't know.

Adam: Gentle? Playful puns? I'm digging this guy.
Coach Nick: Look, I know you guys got the mile run you got to do, but I say, no more. In fact, if there's anybody that would prefer to be elsewhere, like computer lab or theater practice, just go. I believe people should follow their dreams. [whistle blows] Busted! Now I know who doesn't wanna be here!
Adam: Oh, no! It was a trap! And we were immediately exposed!
Coach Nick: The mile run is back on. Move!
Dave Kim: I'm sorry I fell! Don't eat me!

Jackie: Let's break it down. What do all the best video games have?
Dave Kim: This is so hard. Creativity isn't valued in my household.

Adam: Gah!
Dave Kim: Chill, bro. It's me, Dave Kim. I'm the new mascot.
Adam: Since when, Dave Kim?
Carla: Since me.
Dave Kim: My girlfriend's super into it.
Carla: I got a thing for older men with giant heads.
Dave Kim: I can't feel anything, but I feel something great is happening.