Barry: What the crap? That looks like a computer version of me!
Adam: Really? I don't see it.
Barry: It's says my name right there! Dude! You can't make a game about me without express written consent!

Adam: Well, there's always a main hero, like Mario here. And see those hammers? Those are like power-ups.
Beverly: Schmoo, take your Flintstones vitamin so you can grow big and strong like Bamm-Bamm.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Eating my own power-up made me realize I didn't have to look very far for inspiration.
Murray: I'm home!
Adam: Wait, that's it! We'll make the game about my insane family.
Dave Kim: And that's entertaining how?
Murray: I had a good day! Don't anybody spoil it by talking to me!
Adam: See? Every good game has a big snorting boss who stomps around making everyone miserable! And we need stuff for our hero to dodge, like barrels and fire and dopey wandering henchmen. [Barry punches Adam] Owww-why?
Barry: 'Cause maybe I want to sit in that chair at some point today!
[Erica plays notes on the keyboard]
Adult Adam: [v.o.] My game was writing itself. I even got an annoying video game theme song, thanks to my aimless sister.
Erica: Wait. That's it! I got my hit song! Banana, banana Banana, banana Ba-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na. That sucks.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Yep, the Goldbergs would become an actual computer game. But was the world ready?
Murray: Bevy! I forgot to take my shoes off, and now they're stuck! Damn it, I'm pants-trapped again!
Adam: Eh, we'll tone it down for America, make 'em more likable.

Bill Lewis: Mm. That lucky bastard! I'll tell ya, if I was an older lady, I wouldn't mind spending a little time with him.
Beverly: This is a nightmare.
Bill Lewis: Relax. I said if I was a lady.
Beverly: No. I'm talking about my dad's gambling. He just tried to borrow money from Bill, of all people.
Bill Lewis: Oh, Lord, she's right. I'm not the person you ask for money. My net worth is seven.

Adam: So, it's like Leisure Suit Larry, where you walk around and do funny stuff, but in our game, it's about having a crazy family like mine. For example, the overbearing smother. She's there for every waking hour, and the sleeping ones, too. Then there's a pants-less dad. He only gets out of his chair if you touch the thermostat. And Pops, the wise, old grandfather who guides you through this crazy world with questionable advice.
Mr. Goulding: [flatly] Wow. This is an incredibly skilled graphic. I'm proud of you.
Adam: Are you? Is he?
Mr. Goulding: Good luck. I hope your family will be okay with you openly mocking them for the sake of comedy.
Adam: Trust me, I've been videotaping them my whole life and they don't even notice.

Adam: This game isn't just about you. See? It's about our whole family. See? There's computer Dad in his computer underpants.
Barry: Dad! Adam put you in his stupid game, and all you do is sit in your chair and call us morons!
Murray: Just let me sit in my chair in peace, moron!
Adam: See? It's all in good fun. Check out the Erica bonus level. You throw rotten tomatoes at her as she busks.
If you get enough direct hits, she stops singing and goes back to college.
Barry: [chuckling] Oh, man. Erica's garbage. Now, this one you totally nailed, bro.

Brian Corbett: Look! It's that lazy-eyed spaz who can't catch a baseball from the Goldbergs game.
Adam: Yep, that's me.
JC Spink: Yo, do you really run all the way home to poop 'cause you can't do it at school, just like in the game?
Adam: Sadly, that's all real.
Brian Corbett: It's embarrassing but relatable. I'm rooting for you, bro.
Adam: You really don't have to.
JC Spink: Yo, I got a question. Why did you turn Erica into Eric? You're a liar.
Brian Corbett: Also, why's it always sunny in the game even though it's winter?
JC Spink: Dates in general are all wrong, and I hate it! Do it better, or we'll kick your ass!
Adam: Guys, it's just a dumb game! It wasn't supposed to matter this much to anyone.

Barry: Hey, bro! Me and the JTP have been playing your game and we got a butt load of notes.
Adam: No. No more notes.
Naked Rob: But you made me shirtless in the game. I'm not Shirtless Rob. I'm Naked Rob. Take off my computer pants right now.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] While I was under attack from my critics, Lucky Al's gambling odds were growing worse.
Pops: My gut's telling me Drexel beats North Carolina. I'll bet a C note. $200 on Miss Alaska. It's about time someone up there wins, huh? $100 on the ugly poodle to win at the Westminster Dog Show. I know sumo wrestlers are supposed to be Japanese, but I just have a feeling about this Swedish gal. Lotta good horses running today, but I'm gonna take $100 on Last But Not Least.
Beverly: Okay, stop. Just stop. Why would you bet on a horse with that name?
Pops: 'Cause it's a crazy long shot! She just gave birth and she doesn't take water, but I got a feeling.

Adam: No! I'm done writing about this crazy family! Game over!
Murray: Wait, are you talking about your computer game? If you're making changes, make Geoffina less annoying.
Adam: Aw, man. I don't wanna hear crap from you, too.
Murray: Crap? It's good stuff!
Erica: Good? All computer-you does is watch TV in your chair and scream about the thermostat.
Murray: Classic Mur!
Barry: My God. How are you okay with that?
Murray: Because it's funny! Why is everyone so damn sensitive?

Erica: Writing about Barry's spazzy run is one thing, but that game strongly implies that I'm a sad train wreck!
Murray: You are.
Barry: Ha! It's true.
Murray: And that's exactly how you run.
Erica: Ha! So hilariously accurate.
Murray: Hey! Don't listen to these morons. You keep going with that game. It's the best thing you've ever made.
Adam: Wow. You're really okay with this?
Murray: Yeah! I'm okay with it. Because it's done with love.