Dave Kim: Well, I told my mom, "No more! Dave Kim is a grown-up who doesn't need his mommy on some field trip! Now sign my permission slip and lay out my clothes!"

Adam: Hersheypark has been closed and our trip is off!
Beverly: Why are they trying to ruin our precious time together?!
Adam: 'Cause of the Chocolate Wars. You didn't hear about it on the news?
Beverly: No, I don't watch the news. It aggravates your father until he throws his shoe at the TV.
Adam: It's those Fudge Barons at Nestle Megacorp. They declared an all-out war on Mr. Goodbar so they shut down the amusement park.
Beverly: Screw those Chocolate War-Mongers! I just made a fresh batch of Oooey Gooey Fudgy Chewies. [chuckles] These always cheer you up.
Jackie: Wow. He's good.
Dave Kim: Maybe the best.

Beverly: What the hell, ladies and Vinny? What happened to our PTA meeting?
Vinny: We got bumped. Mellor's talking to all the field trip chaperones.
Beverly: Field trip? Doesn't he know the amusement park is closed indefinitely?
Coach Mellor: What? The park is closed?
Beverly: Hello? Nestle pulled out of the Cocoa Accords. There's been a travel advisory. All non-essential personnel must steer clear.
Mrs. Kim: Uh, Beverly? None of your insane words are true.
Beverly: But that's not possible. Adam swore to me that Reese's was literally blown to pieces.

Beverly: What I'm about to show you is the most lethal and powerful weapon in a yenta's arsenal. The guilt letter.
Vinny: You wrote eight pages on both sides?
Beverly: Yes. Everything you're about to hear has been written by Beverly Goldberg and sent to her children.
This is all real.
Mrs. Kim: "Adam, I gave birth to you, fed and nurtured you, dried your tears, and made you the center of my universe. But the way you treated me today makes me regret it all."
Vinny: Wait, you really wrote this?
Beverly: Again, every word is 100% true.

Virginia Kremp: "I don't know another human being on this earth who would treat their parent this way, especially four weeks before Mother's Day."
Vinny: That's how you started an actual letter?
Beverly: Oh, sweet, stupid Vincent Geary. The opening is everything. I call it the "Guilt Grabber."
Vinny: Oh, I got to write this down.
Beverly: Wait. You can't just copy what I say. Once I teach you the basic structure, you have to find your own spiteful voice.
Mrs. Mirsky: You have a whole structure?
Beverly: Of course I do. Now, after the guilt grabber, you deliver your emotionally devastating thesis, wherein you single them out as the most ungrateful child the world has ever known.

Mrs. Kim: "Not only am I ashamed to have such a cruel, selfish son, but I may never sleep again knowing how I failed as a mother." My God, who writes this?
Beverly: Literally me, no joke. Next comes the body of the letter, in which you present the many hurtful specifics that demonstrate how much you've sacrificed for your baby.
Virginia Kremp: "I haven't slept since you were born and gave my whole life to you. Not once did I focus on myself. I could have been a lawyer!"
Beverly: Again, something I actually wrote to my children.

Coach Mellor: Alright, hit the showers or generously spray on deodorant.

Coach Mellor: Never in all my years in the gymanatorial arts have I ever been so blatantly disrespected.

Chad Kremp: I can't believe we're finally going to Hershey, Pennsylvania! I hear the air there smells like chocolate!
Jackie: I hear the streets are paved with nougat!
Adam: When you're over five feet tall, you're considered a Twizzler. It means we can go on any ride.

Dave Kim: Well, we can go on any ride. Your mom always chaperones and there's no way she'll let you loose into Chocolate Town USA without her.
Emmy: It's your own fault, dude. The rest of us forced our parents to stop chaperoning years ago.
Chad Kremp: Yeah, all you got to do is lay down some clear boundaries with your mom.
Adam: Oh. Uh, oh, is that all I got to do? Huh. I didn't know it was so easy! Thank you, Clueless Chad!
Chad Kremp: You get mean when it involves your mom.
Adam: My mom needs these field trips. It's the only school opportunity she has left to painfully insert herself into my life.