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24Quotes from ‘As You Wish’

The Goldbergs: As You Wish

221. As You Wish

Aired April 22, 2015

Murray thinks he and Adam have finally found an overlapping interest when Adam begs him to buy swords so he can join the fencing team. Murray's excitement fades when he realizes Adam played him just to get a sword so he could recreate the fencing scenes from "The Princess Bride". Meanwhile, Erica and Barry are angered when Beverly fixes up Barry's wrestling coach with Erica's music teacher.

Quote from Adam

Adam: Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

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Quote from Murray

Murray: Seriously? Of all sports, you pick the one with the pointy sword. You know how your mom's crazy about eye safety. Crazy!

Quote from Murray

Pops: This reminds me of a story.
Murray: Please don't tell me a story.
Pops: I'm gonna tell you a story. When Bevvie was a little girl, all she wanted was to be a ballerina. Sadly, she was a very early bloomer. The other girls would keep a wide berth around her so if she lost her balance, they wouldn't be crushed beneath her enormous girl body. Point is, watching her dance is one of the happiest memories of my live. Don't you want to have that with your son?
Murray: Eugh, why do you always have to tell such wonderful and touching crap? Fine. If this is really your dream, I'll buy you the sword.

Quote from Adam

Adam: Cut the glove off of me! Intermission! I call intermission!

Quote from Murray

Adam: Do you like romance, pirates, wizards, Mandy Patinkin?
Murray: That's a hard no to all those things.

Quote from Adam

Dave: Screw wrapping paper. We need some real swords. Can't you ask your mom? She never says no to you.
Adam: Sure, Dave Kim. Let me ask my safety-crazed mother for a deadly weapon. Get your head in the game, dude.

Quote from Adam

Adam: Please, fencing is my dream.
Murray: I thought your dream was to be cast as an ewok.
Adam: I'm too big now. Things change.

Quote from Pops

Pops: Come on, Murray. Don't be such a grump, and let the kid do it already.
Murray: You just walked in. You don't even know what we're taking about.
Pops: Well, I know the first thing you always say is no. Is that what happened here, he said no?

Quote from Adam

Adam: I'm gonna be like Luke Skywalker. Scratch that. I'm gonna be like - name an athlete who's really good at sports.
Murray: Michael Jordan.
Adam: Michael Jordan!

Quote from Adam

Adam: Ow! Oh. Just poked my eye. Oh. It's okay. I got glasses they protected me.

Quote from Barry

Barry: Go! Put your foot on the gas and push.

Quote from Murray

Adam: I'm sorry, dad, I just had to bow out gracefully.
Murray: I wouldn't call that bowing out gracefully. You made the referee carry you to the car.
Pops: She was a strong lady.
Murray: She was a strong lady!

Quote from Adam

Adam: But the good news is I learned a lot today. Mostly, swords hurt when they jab your body. Which is why I've decided to retire from the game.

Quote from Dave Kim

Dave Kim: Dude, these swords are bad ass. How'd you get 'em?
Adam: Simple. I used my dad's love of sports and the awkwardness of our relationship to get what I wanted.
Dave Kim: Wow. Behind the mask and glasses lies a devious mind.

Quote from Adam

Murray: Oh. I see what's going on here. You played me.
Adam: What?
Murray: You played me.
Adam: Don't insult me like that.
Murray: You used my love of sports and the awkwardness of our relationship to get what you wanted.
Adam: Well, I wouldn't use those words exactly.
Dave Kim: You literally did a minute ago.
Adam: Shut up, Dave Kim.
Dave Kim: My name is Dave Kim, by the way.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: I actually have a question. Why am I here?
Principal Ball: You are here because you caused this kerfuffle.

Quote from Adam

Adam: Look, I know I manipulated you into spending hundreds of your hard-earned dollars on swords to recreate an epic movie scene, and for that I'd like to say, my mistake.

Quote from Adam

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Yep, before Google and Wikipedia, the only way to look stuff up was a set of really boring books that covered a lot but said a little.

Quote from Murray

Adam: Oh please, Zorro sucks.
Murray: Don't you dare knock Zorro. He is a man of honor.
Adam: Then why's he wearing that stupid mask? What's he hiding?
Murray: All I'm saying is, Zorro had enough skill to sign a Z where ever he went. A Z!
Adam: Even I could sign a Z.
Murray: Oh, I'd like to see that.

Quote from Murray

Murray: I guess I was just excited about the overlap.
Adam: The what?
Murray: The overlap. You know, you like dumb movies, I like awesome sports. And this fencing thing was finally something we could both enjoy. At least I thought it was.

Quote from Adam

Adam: Thank God. Pops, just the man I wanted to see. Tell me what to do.
Pops: Hey look, you got a nickel in your face mask.
Adam: Not the nickel trick now. I got stabbed in the face. I need advice. Real life saving advice.

Quote from Murray

Murray: My son's gonna be in the Olympics. The Olympics!


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