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35Quotes from ‘I Lost on Jeopardy’

The Goldbergs: I Lost on Jeopardy

621. I Lost on Jeopardy

Aired April 10, 2019

When a girl at school tells Barry she likes him, he lets a petty school rivalry get in the way. Meanwhile, Erica's big plan to end her dropout funk is to apply to game shows.

Quote from Barry

Adam: Trust me, bro. I don't think Kim's a spy.
Barry: Of course she is.
Adam: When she read your note, she immediately had tears of sadness and rage.
Barry: Ugh, right. That Kim's a tough cookie. But I literally eat cookies for breakfast.

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Quote from Erica

Jeopardy Producer: Big congrats on making it this far. Now we just need to get to know you a bit better. So, tell me what you've been up to in the last year.
Erica: Me? Oh, man. [chuckles] So much stuff.
Jeopardy Producer: Okay. Care to elaborate on the stuff?
Erica: As of late, I have been trying out for "Jeopardy!"
Jeopardy Producer: Trying out for "Jeopardy!" can't really be a talking point for someone trying out for "Jeopardy!"
Erica: Very fair.
Jeopardy Producer: The last lady I interviewed she's an ornithologist, and she makes her own lavender soap.
Erica: Ooh, I use soap. Big soap gal right here.
Jeopardy Producer: Well, we already got a soap gal, and she doesn't just use it, she makes it. You get me?
Erica: God, yes, I get you. Look, I dropped out of school so that I could follow my dreams. And then it was, like, super hard. And now I have no job and no degree and no prospects. I had to borrow this suit from my mom. And you know how I said I use soap? At best, I shower twice a week, 'cause it's like, what's the point?! Just, please, you got to put me on "Jeopardy!" bro.
Jeopardy Producer: I'd say maybe try "Tic-Tac-Dough."

Quote from Barry

Barry: Leave it dark. No one on the blue team can ever see me consorting with the enemy.
Matt: Okey-dokey.
Barry: I've summoned you here today to seek your wisdom.
Matt: Oh. Seriously?
Barry: Look, I know I give you a lot of guff and always call you "Unbearable Matt Bradley," 'cause that's just me being a good leader. But truth is, you're the smartest, kindest, most thoughtful guy I know.
Matt: [chuckles] Stop, bro. You know how I get with this stuff.
Barry: I mean it! If anything, I say mean things to you 'cause [voice breaking] I love you, Matt Bradley.
Matt: Dude, don't.
Barry: I love how smart you are. How caring and [sniffles] wonderful you are.
Matt: Oh. This is too much.
Barry: I love your hair and your confidence and how you wear sandals and don't care who sees your little toes.
Matt: I mean, they're just feet, you know? Everyone's got 'em.

Quote from Dave Kim

Adam: Gah!
Dave Kim: Chill, bro. It's me, Dave Kim. I'm the new mascot.
Adam: Since when, Dave Kim?
Carla: Since me.
Dave Kim: My girlfriend's super into it.
Carla: I got a thing for older men with giant heads.
Dave Kim: I can't feel anything, but I feel something great is happening.

Quote from Murray

Adult Adam: [v.o.] The '80s was the golden age of the game show. From the big money prizes to the cheesy hosts, my family was obsessed. My dad's favorite was "Family Feud," because he delighted in watching other families with dumbass kids.
Murray: Hoo-hoo! Feels good knowing this dad's got kids that are bigger morons than mine!

Quote from Beverly

Adult Adam: [v.o.] My mom loved "Wheel of Fortune," 'cause Vanna White was her idol.
Beverly: I gotta start wearing more evening gowns.
Adam: Please don't.

Quote from Erica

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Since Erica was a closet nerd, she loved herself some "Jeopardy!"
Erica: What is polyester?! What is Dijon, France?! Who is Amerigo Vespucci?! What a bunch of jamokes.

Quote from Murray

Newscaster: [on TV] And in game-show news, Michael Larson of Ohio cracked the code on "Press Your Luck" and won over $100,000.
Murray: Yep, he cracked the code.
Adam: My God, man! You know what you cost us?! A mahogany bedroom set and wicker patio furniture.
Murray: Damn it! Why do I discourage my children?!
Adam: And a state-of-the-art Sanyo hi-fi stereo system!
Murray: Hi-fi?! That's the best kind of fi there is!
Adam: And a wildly impractical home sauna!
Murray: I have no room for it, but it's my dream!
Adam: Plus a trip to Orlando, Florida, where you can ride the movies!
Murray: What have I done?!
Both: Gah!

Quote from Barry

Kim: Hey, Barry.
Barry: Hey, you!
Kim: You know how, like, it's the last week of school and we're never gonna see each other again, so you just take a huge, scary risk you'd normally never do?
Barry: Is this going somewhere?
Kim: Guess it's now or never.
Barry: Either way is fine since I have no idea what's going on.
Kim: Just wanted to let you know that, over the last four years, I've had a crush on you, or whatever.
Barry: Oh. Wow. Well, thank you, lady person.

Quote from Barry

Kim: Oh, no. You have no idea who I am.
Barry: Of course I do!
Kim: I'm Kim.
Barry: Kim.
Kim: I sat behind you in bio class-
Barry: You sat behind me in classics-
Kim: And I gave you my pen after yours leaked
Barry: and I took a leak on your shirt-
Kim: all over your shirt, and then you punched-
Barry: and munched that-
Kim: really expensive microscope.
Barry: the pensive microphone.
Kim: [gasps] Well, this has been brutal, so, bye!

Quote from Barry

Kim: Well, it was fun watching your amazing life unfold over these last four years.
Barry: Amazing? Me?
Kim: For sure. See you in bio class.
Barry: Definitely. Catch you later, Kimothy.
Kim: Uh, you think "Kim" is short for "Kimothy"?
Barry: I'm certain of it.
Kim: [chuckles] You're so weird.

Quote from Geoff

Beverly: Pumpkin, take a good look at that TV and tell me what you see.
Erica: A girl who cries herself to sleep at night thinking of Joey McIntyre?
Beverly: I see limitless potential. Confidence. A winner with the whole world at her fingertips.
Geoff: It's true, babe. That was the day I first fell for you. And the day I realized I'm allergic to most types of cotton.

Quote from Barry

Kim: Speaking of, I heard Katman say you aced yours.
Barry: It's why I want to be a doctor. Or a rap star. Either way, "doctor" will be in my name.

Quote from Murray

Beverly: Boopie, it's almost dinner. Can you clean all this up?
Erica: Sorry. I needed the space to sort out all my applications.
Murray: Applications? Did someone say "applications"?! Please tell me you're filling out applications!
Erica: I really am. And it's all thanks to Mom.
Murray: Oh! Your dumb idea worked! Look at you!
Beverly: Say the words, Murray. Say, "Mama fixed it."
Murray: I'll say anything you want because my baby's applying to "Tic-Tac-Dough." What the [bleep] is this?

Quote from Erica

Erica: Don't worry. "Tic-Tac-Dough" is just my safety show. My dream is to get accepted into "Jeopardy!"
Murray: That's what this is about game shows?
Erica: Mom reminded me of the smart, confident girl I used to be, which is why I'm applying to all the top game shows in the country.
Murray: Game shows?!
Erica: Sadly, I got wait-listed for "Win, Lose or Draw," but "Wheel of Fortune" has rolling admissions.
Murray: Game shows.
Beverly: I'm sorry, this is your plan?
Erica: Well, I'm weighing my options. I know it'll be cheaper if I go to "Finders Keepers," which shoots in Philly. But I always envisioned myself going out of state.
Murray: Game shows, Bevy! Game shows!
Erica: At the very least, I can go to "Let's Make a Deal." Anyone with a costume can get in there. Although, their program won't really challenge me like "Jeopardy!" Wish me luck. Mwah!

Quote from Erica

Erica: Well, you know what? When I win on "Price is Right," I'm not sharing any of my cash or prizes from the Showcase Showdown. And you know what else? I'm gonna go on "Family Feud" all by myself.
Beverly: Oh, please! We all know you need us for that game.
Erica: I'll just tell them I'm an orphan and win it all on my own.
Beverly: Don't you dare! I got it. If you go on "Family Feud" without your beloved family, then that is the ultimate betrayal! Do not cry.
Erica: Oh, it's happening. And when I get my creepy kiss from Richard Dawson, you will be nowhere in sight!
Beverly: She's threatening to go on "Family Feud" by herself! She's gone too far.
Murray: You and I are upset about different things.

Quote from Barry

Adam: Dude, Matt's right. This girl's into you.
Barry: Oh, man. How'd I not see this? You're working for them, too!
Adam: What?! Come on!
Barry: Matt Bradley got to you. You're a double-agent mole sent here to make sure we lose Color Day.
Adam: Have you ever known me to care about an athletic competition at any time?
Barry: Maybe you've been faking a dislike of sports your whole life, knowing this moment would come! Maybe you're the greatest athlete this school has ever seen!
Adam: Look at my lazy eye, dude! I have no depth perception! None!
Barry: Or do you? [Barry throws an apple at Adam]
Adam: [groans]


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