Dave Kim: Dude, if my relationship with Carla has taught me anything, it's that you've got to be decisive.
Adam: So, what do I do?
Dave Kim: Ask her to the Aloha Dance. It's the most important tropical welcome-back-to-school, Hawaiian-themed dance of them all.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] While Geoff was finding his calling, I was finding myself totally lost in history class.
Mr. Woodburn: Here are your assignments for your papers. Dave Kim... Harriet Tubman.
Dave Kim: Sweet! H-Tub. Nothing's gonna be underground about her when I'm done with my paper.
Mr. Woodburn: I weep for our future.

Adam: Thanks for the free tee. What's this for again?
Barry: Doesn't matter. You two dorks get to go to a frat party. Isn't that enough?
Dave Kim: I hear bikini-clad women wrestle in kiddie pools full of Jell-O. Jell-O!
Barry: Bam! Crew locked and loaded!

Dave Kim: Yep, I'm a jock now, and I get all the sweet benefits that come with it. Hello, my romantic equal.
Cheerleader: Die, dork.
Dave Kim: And the dance begins.

Adam: Pops let me down!
Dave Kim: "Be yourself"? You? Yourself? Being it?
Adam: I know, Dave Kim.
Dave Kim: She's one of the chosen ones, the beautiful elite, the best kind of aloof. They'll never accept... this.
Adam: You don't have to waft. I know, Dave Kim!
Dave Kim: You need to get better advice.
Adam: I know, Dave Kim!
Dave Kim: But who's cool enough to guide you?
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Turns out, there was someone... Mr. Perott, our new guidance counselor. Yep, he wore a leather jacket and was the epitome of cool.
Adam: I think I know, Dave Kim.

Adam: Brea just invited me to hang. We have loose plans.
Dave Kim: Loose plans? It really is a different world.

Carla: I hear we're throwing a party.
Dave Kim: Oh, no! Carla's got wind of it!
Carla: Bitch, I am the wind. And I've already got a theme... mayhem and deep regret.
Dave Kim: Oh, no! That's a winner! Who wouldn't come to that?
Adam: I would, and hopefully so will Brea.
Carla: Someone's a nasty boy. [school bell rings] Ugh. It's lunchtime. I'm supposed to open the wing store today!

Adam: What am I doing?! I'm blowing it!
Dave Kim: I'm sorry! Is your romantic plan to destroy my house not coming to fruition? Maybe you can let me free and we can talk more about it!

Ms. Cinoman: Again, no one's calling this guy anything, because it's not a play. We're doing nothing.
Matt Schernecke: But the cast wrap party is historically where Schernecke shines romantically.
Ms. Cinoman: Get your pity smooches elsewhere, Matt Schernecke. We're doing bupkis because the licensing fees went up.
Adam: Balls! The musical is the one time where theater geeks get light-to-moderate fame in this school.
Emmy: Football players would nod at me. I was a shape they recognized.
Dave Kim: A cheerleader said, "Oh, it's you," right to my face. Like we shared the same world!

Dave Kim: You did the right thing. Your brother is no friend to music.
Adam: Plus, there's nothing Erica would hate more than if I let him ruin our musical. Hold on!
Dave Kim: Don't say "Hold on." Nothing good ever happens when people in your family say "Hold on"!
Adam: If I let Barry ruin our musical, Erica will have to step in and fix it.
Dave Kim: That's a huge leap, and it will most certainly backfire.
Adam: Not a chance, Dave Kim. You can go. And please take your piano guts with you.
Dave Kim: Do you know how long it took to get this thing down the stairs? You're not a good friend! [arpeggios play]