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‘Dave Kim's Party’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

The Goldbergs: Dave Kim's Party

715. Dave Kim's Party

Aired February 19, 2020

Adam wants a chance to hang out with Brea so he organizes a party at Dave Kim's house. Meanwhile, Beverly gets a taste of fame when her cook book is published.

Quote from Beverly

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Whether they did or they just happened to be in the store, they got to witness maybe the first-ever dramatic reading of a cookbook.
Beverly: "1/2 cup cream. Two sticks of butter, cubed. Toss into margarine until combined"!
Adult Adam: [v.o.] And once my mom got going, she didn't want to stop...
Beverly: "Whisk gently with water until the clumps... have dissipated."
Adult Adam: [v.o.] ...or stay totally on topic.
Beverly: You know, I like to think I do for Parm what Madam Curie did for, uh... well, whatever it is she did.
Erica: Should we be worried Mom won't handle all this attention in a positive way?
Murray: Nah. She'll be fine.
Beverly: I have a husband and three children, and yet, today, my life began!

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Quote from Pops

Adam: Would a beautiful girl like these parachute pants?
Pops: I see why they threw them out of a plane.
Adam: Tomorrow needs to be perfect.
Pops: And it will be. You're throwing a party to land a girl. I've thrown millions of shindigs, and they all went gonzo.
Adam: Gonzo's my favorite Muppet, so I'm in.
Pops: First thought... don't mention Muppets. Second thought... throw this party the night a war ends.
Adam: We're kind of locked for this Saturday.
Pops: After I got back from the Pacific, I kissed a thousand nurses.
Adam: That seems like too many.

Quote from Dave Kim

Adam: There they are. Well, welcome to party plan central.
Dave Kim: Is it too late to discuss alternate venues?
Adam: Yep. Let's plan this beast, keeping in mind we need this party to be cool and inviting to redheaded 17-year-old girls who I know play volleyball. I'll start. A volleyball.
Dave Kim: Here's something fun... BYOB, "bring your own broom."
Johnny: My turn. 50 kegs.
Brian Walls: Giant speakers that will blow out car windows.
JC Spink: A party donkey.
Carla: A no-rules foam room and a giant fish tank full of hammerheads.
Dave Kim: Disposable shoe covers, like at an open house.

Quote from Pops

Adam: Ooh! How about a roped-off private area where two people can talk and get to know each other?
Carla: Yes! A rope! Put that down.
Adam: We're humming now! Anyone else?
Pops: How 'bout an oyster bar?
Adam: What are you doing here?
Pops: Making suggestions to get some enchantment back in this party.
Johnny: What's with the old guy? And why is he suggesting sea vomit?
Pops: Question... what's the sexiest instrument? Answer? The oboe!

Quote from Pops

Adam: Pops, I don't need your help.
Pops: But if you want romance, your pals are steering you toward disaster.
Adam: I know what I'm doing!
Pops: Doesn't mean you don't need my advice.
Adam: Pops!
Pops: Here's some more gold. Turn up the temperature and watch the girls glisten.
Adam: I need this party to be cool, not sweaty. And oboes and clams aren't cool.
Pops: Oysters! Why would you have clams at a party?
Adam: Enough! I don't need your help.
Pops: I'll let my oboe guy know you won't be in touch.

Quote from Adam

Pops: Hey, kiddo. I heard what you said the other day loud and clear.
Adam: Then why are you here with that rolling battleship?
Pops: I thought you'd want to take it to your party. When you roll up with this baby, you'll be fighting trixies off with a stick.
Adam: You certainly know what a modern boy wants, but you're not even supposed to be driving.
Pops: Enjoy the Caddy. [tosses keys]
Adam: I don't want the Caddy. [tosses keys back]
Pops: You got to take the Caddy. [tosses keys back]
Adam: Stop saying "Caddy," and stop throwing Caddy keys at me. [tosses keys back]
Pops: I know we had a rough patch the other day, but let me do this for my best bud.
Adam: I don't want this. I don't want your help. I just want to be left alone.
Pops: Okay, then. I get it. You don't want me.
Johnny: Oof. That was rough. Hope you have the same presence of mind when Paula Abdul demands her pants back.

Quote from Dave Kim

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Dave Kim's party was in full swing and off the chain. The place was packed, the music was bumpin', the shots jello'd, and that guy was shirtless. This night was gonna be epic!
Johnny: Nice. Dave Kim is quite the host. I'm gonna take a shower in the master and get my night started.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] The only thing missing was a certain special lady.
Adam: This is officially a cool party! Why isn't Brea here, Dave Kim?
Dave Kim: Dude, I've got my own problems right now. Carla is playing a drinking game with my baby pictures!
Carla: Look at you holding the football like you know how it works.
Dave Kim: That's not all. Those guys are wearing Villanova sweatshirts, and based on their facial hair and nonstop references to beating Georgetown, I think they actually go there.
Carla: I hope your parents have earthquake insurance, 'cause this party's gonna be rockin'! [cheering]
Dave Kim: They have fire and flood, but their deductible is super-high!

Quote from Geoff

Barry: Do I smell Mom's homemade chili cheese lasagna?
Geoff: Yes, you do, Schmoo.
Erica: My biggest fear used to be that I'd turn into my mom.
Geoff: Well, I've been using your mom's recipes and having the time of my life.
Murray: We are two very different men.

Quote from Beverly

[on TV:]
Lizzie: So, what's next for Beverly Goldberg?
Beverly: I am just gonna ride the wild success of my book into, eh, housewares, beef, bikes, tax assistants, music, children's clothing, tiny, little scissors, bric-a-brac, Dutch ovens, TV shows.
Matt: I guess we'd better watch our backs. [both laugh]
Beverly: Matt, look at me. Look at all of this. It will be gone. Even Lizzie's gonna leave you.
Lizzie: Oh, we're not together.
Beverly: Shut up, Lizzie. We've all seen how you touch his arm. [theme music plays]

Quote from Beverly

Adult Adam: [v.o.] And things only got worse from there.
Police Officer: Lady, you can't park there. Whoa. Whoa, whoa.
Beverly: No, it's okay. Famous author. [hands out a book]
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Yeah, after one successful local book signing, my mom became a monster.
Man: Hey! Your dog just did his business on my lawn! You gonna pick that up?
Beverly: Oh, I don't do that anymore. But here. [hands out a book]
Adult Adam: [v.o.] A real nightmare who thought the rules didn't apply to her.
Beverly: Sorry. Fame doesn't wait in line.
Woman: Uh, do you mind?
Beverly: Okay, just one. [signs card] Okay, this is for all of you.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] In her mind, she was The Beatles of cooking. And there was no slowing her down.

Quote from Dave Kim

Adam: Stop stealing! That's the Kim family microwave. I have you on film!
Man: [takes camera] Mine.
Brea: I'm not sure the camera worked like you thought it would.
Dave Kim: [glass shatters] My mom's Franklin Mint commemorative plate collection! [glass shatters] Those are worth a fortune or possibly nothing!

Quote from Geoff

Barry: This intervention is for you.
Beverly: Me? What's my problem?
Erica: You've become an embarrassing psycho.
Geoff: Cookie break!
Beverly: I'm a psycho? Your boyfriend is dressed as me.
Geoff: And I'm pulling it off. And I'm... pulling it off.

Quote from Pops

Adam: I'm sorry I told you I don't want you around. That's not true.
Pops: Aw, sometimes it might be. You're a young man. You don't need your Pops cramping your style.
Adam: I don't get it. How are you always so understanding?
Pops: Hey. You're my best bud. I know what's in your heart. [Adam hugs Pops] Yeah, me too, buddy. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a party to break up. Come on, everybody! Let's ride!
Adult Adam: [v.o.] That night, Pops busted out the coolest party trick I'd ever seen.
Pops: Come on, come on.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] He got a bunch of alte kakers to make it crazy-uncool! There were puzzles, bingo, pictures of grandkids, and plenty of butterscotch. And, man, did it clear that party out fast.
Adam: We did it. We totally saved this house. [furniture crashes] That'll buff out.

Quote from Barry

Barry: Okay, book guy, buckle up, 'Cause I got a few ideas guaranteed to be best sellers.
Mr. Whitby: Wow me.
Barry: Think "The Shining," but instead of the hotel, it's the beach, and instead of ghosts, it's hot chicks.
Mr. Whitby: Okay.
Barry: You know how people like the Bible, right? What if there was a sequel?
Mr. Whitby: I'm an atheist.
Barry: Dracula, but a book.
Mr. Whitby: I have news for you.
Barry: A book of poems that's been hollowed out to hide nunchucks.
Mr. Whitby: My people will be in touch. And I'm far enough away now to tell you that that was a lie.

Quote from Adam

Adult Adam: [v.o.] The '80s was the golden age of the house party. If the music was cranked and the place was wrecked, your bash was a hit. And it turned out I had a hot tip about the latest one.
Adam: Yo, JC, it's me, Adam.
JC Spink: Corey's brother!
Adam: Not even a little bit. Anyway, I thought you'd want to know about a rager at Dave Kim's this Saturday. Let all your bros know.
JC Spink: Will do. Tell Corey he's a dirty dog.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] I'd fed the grapevine a grape. Only thing left to do was wait.
JC Spink: Party at Dave Kim's this Saturday. If there's no hot tub, we'll make one.
Brian Walls: Party at Dave Kim's this Saturday. There's gonna be 50 kegs, and Spuds MacKenzie is deejaying.
Johnny: Party at Dave Kim's this Saturday. I'll know if you don't show. Hubba Bubba Soda? Do better.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Word about the party spread fast, until everyone knew about it.
Boy: Party at Dave Kim's this Saturday.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Well, almost everyone.

Quote from Adam

Dave Kim: What the hell?! Who's telling everybody I'm throwing a party?
Adam: They're the worst. And it's me.
Dave Kim: You?! Why?!
Adam: Come on, Dave Kim! No one loves a kegger more than you.
Dave Kim: And it's a keg party?
Adam: Yep, all kinds of savory brewskis... ales, lights, fruity ciders, light beers. No, wait. Those are the lights.
Dave Kim: You don't know anything about beer!
Adam: I do know your parents are out of town, and kegs attract popular kids, and that's what I'm looking for.
Dave Kim: Is this about Brea Bee?
Adam: Yes, it's about Brea Bee. I know we had a moment while ice-skating, but I've barely seen her since. Now she's back to her ivory tower with the cool kids across the room.
Dave Kim: So you think that a party that will inevitably destroy my home is just the opportunity you need to reconnect?
Adam: Will you help your best friend find love?
Dave Kim: Hell no.

Quote from Dave Kim

Carla: I hear we're throwing a party.
Dave Kim: Oh, no! Carla's got wind of it!
Carla: Bitch, I am the wind. And I've already got a theme... mayhem and deep regret.
Dave Kim: Oh, no! That's a winner! Who wouldn't come to that?
Adam: I would, and hopefully so will Brea.
Carla: Someone's a nasty boy. [school bell rings] Ugh. It's lunchtime. I'm supposed to open the wing store today!

Quote from Adam

Adam: Allow me, madam.
Brea: Oh. Thanks, Adam. [chuckles]
Adam: Ohh! Thank you. ...in advance for my next question. Which is, if you had to pick one word to describe how you party, would it be "hardy"? Like Dave Kim's party... this Saturday.
Brea: Oh! T- That might be fun.
Adam: It's guaranteed to be a blast. I'm planning it myself.
Brian Walls: I want to plan. The best part of partying is the who, what, when, and where.
JC Spink: Mm. With a little foresight, planning a party can be as fun as attending.
Adam: I'm pretty sure me and Brea got it covered. Say, my place around 4:00?
Johnny: It's a date.
Brea: Yeah, sorry. I actually can't do it today. But I'll try to make the party.
Adam: I know a solid maybe when I hear one.

Quote from Murray

Beverly: Mr. Whitby?
Mr. Whitby: Indeed, it is I, your cookbook publisher and well-regarded dog breeder.
Beverly: Come on in! [chuckles]
Mr. Whitby: Oh! What an incredibly authentic residence. Often, when I stare out at Central Park from my penthouse, I imagine this is how other people live.
Murray: So, you drove all the way from the city to belittle our home?

Quote from Barry

Mr. Whitby: Surprise! I brought your cookbook hot off the presses! It's not really hot. That's just an expression. But it is warm from me sitting on it so I look more imposing in the car.
Beverly: Oh, my God! That's me! This is me!
Mr. Whitby: I guess we went with the one with your face.
Erica: Mom, you're on the cover of your own book? That's so cool!
Barry: It really is! Am I in it?
Erica: "Mrs. Goldberg resides in the Philadelphia area with her husband and three children."
Barry: This book is about me. Can I have this?
Mr. Whitby: For only $14.95. [chuckles] That's what we'll be selling it for at your signing.

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