Season 7, Episode 12 - Aired January 22, 2020
After being paired up with the most popular girl in school, Adam turns to the cool new guidance counselor, Mr. Perott (guest star Anthony Michael Hall) for advice. Meanwhile, Erica and Geoff try to hide the fact they're living together when they join the Goldbergs' Game Night.
Quote from Beverly
Beverly: [o.s.] Hey, I heard a new song on the radio by that man with the tushie... Uh, Bert Springbean? So, I went to Sam Goody, got in a fight with a man with a feather earring, and raced here with the cassingle.
Quote from Erica
Beverly: There's my schmoopaloopa. Where's your brother? He's got to hear this.
Erica: Yeah, he's indisposed.
Beverly: Hey, Barry, everything going okay in there?
Barry's voice: [from keyboard] Hi, Mom, this isn't a good time. This is Barry.
Beverly: But I haven't seen you all week. Open the door and let me hold your hand while you make poopalas.
Barry's voice: Thanks for stopping by! This is Barry.
Erica: Yeah, it's no bueno in there. Let me walk you to your car.
Barry's voice: Uh-oh! Barry did it again.
Beverly: [laughing] Oh! There you go, my big boy.
Barry's voice: This is Barry. I'm enjoying a shower.
Beverly: What? It doesn't sound like it.
Barry's voice: Testing. Erica, I don't think this is working.
Beverly: What a weird thing to say.
Erica: It really is, but he's obviously going through a lot, so let's not pull threads.
Beverly: Remind him to wash his bottom.
Quote from Pops
Adam: Pops, it's a dire romantic emergency.
Pops: Why do you think I hang out here all day buttering up bagels?
Quote from Geoff
Geoff: Thank God it's over.
Barry: And yet it's not, young Geoffrey. With tonight's success, Mom will surely want to do this again every week.
Geoff: But I'll crumble under the weight of our thousands of lies!
Erica: It'll be fine. We'll do whatever it takes to keep our secret.
Beverly: What secret? That you guys are living together?
Geoff: Oh, no. She knows. Erica, she knows.
Erica: I know she knows. How do you know?
Beverly: I suspected, and also Geoff blurted it out three times tonight.
Geoff: It's true! We're living together! Why do I keep saying it? Pepperoni!
Quote from Beverly
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Ah, the board games of the '80s. Nothing bonded families faster than a magical night spent rolling dice and trapping mice with loved ones. No one was more into it than my mom.
Beverly: Surprise! It's game night! [all groan] That's right. I blatantly lied to your faces to get you here.
Barry: So, I'm not getting an all-expenses-paid trip to Japan to have my own samurai sword forged from the iron of Mount Fuji?
Beverly: Not even a little bit.
Adam: So, pint-sized comedy genius Emmanuel Lewis isn't here to discuss future projects?
Beverly: You'll be the only tiny wonder in this house.
Erica: So, an A&R guy didn't reach out about a demo tape I made last year?
Beverly: You're a hit with me.
Erica: I ran here.
Pops: And my high school sweetheart didn't call, hoping to reconnect?
Beverly: She did call, but only to tell you to stop calling.
Pops: I'll stop calling when her nurse stops picking up.
Murray: So, no pizza?
Beverly: Phone's right there.
Murray: When will this deceit end?
Quote from Barry
Beverly: I just wanted one evening where we're all together in a focused seven-hour window.
Erica: Seven hours? That's almost half a night's sleep.
Adam: And aren't you forgetting we never actually play 'cause we can never agree on a game?
Beverly: While I do agree we've had some setbacks...
Pops: Setbacks? In a fit of rage, Barry kicked the Operation game and needed a real operation.
Barry: They sewed my toe back on, and now I have to think extra hard when I want to wiggle it.
Beverly: Despite Barry's zombie toe, we can still have a good night.
Quote from Pops
Beverly: The Game of Life?
Pops: I've already played it. Turns out, there are no winners. You'll see.
Quote from Dave Kim
Adam: Everyone shut up. I'm pretty sure I've just been vibing with... Brea Bee.
Dave Kim: I heard you're not supposed to tell crazy people that they're crazy, but you're crazy.
Carla: Yeah, that makes no sense. You're wildly unappealing.
Adam: I'm having a hard time believing it, too. But there's something there. We both like Neil Simon.
Dave Kim: Everyone likes Neil Simon. He's the Brooklyn Bard. He makes your people folksy and relatable.
Quote from Dave Kim
Adam: She's also a great person.
Carla: She can't be nice and hot. No one needs two ways to get stuff.
Dave Kim: In my experience, kindness and beauty do not go hand-in-hand.
Carla: He sees me.
Quote from Adam
Mr. Perott: So, we start with your signature look. For example, I always have a pair of sunglasses on me, just in case I need to dramatically toss them off like this. [sunglasses thud]
Adam: Your disregard for eyewear makes me know you mean business.
Mr. Perott: Next, ABCG... Always Be Chewing Gum. That way, you look both busy and laid-back all at once.
Adam: Laid-back and busy. I'll be like a CEO from California.
Mr. Perott: Third... Make sure you never give anyone your full attention. [snaps fingers] I'm over here. See how you got a little confused there, like there was something more interesting behind you? There wasn't. I just made that up.
Adam: So rude and effective.
Mr. Perott: And finally, whenever you're walking, play a kick-ass jam in your head.
Adam: Would the Ewok celebration song Yub Nub work?
Mr. Perott: I've never heard it before, but no.