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‘Game Night’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

The Goldbergs: Game Night

712. Game Night

Aired January 22, 2020

After being paired up with the most popular girl in school, Adam turns to the cool new guidance counselor, Mr. Perott (guest star Anthony Michael Hall) for advice. Meanwhile, Erica and Geoff try to hide the fact they're living together when they join the Goldbergs' Game Night.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: [o.s.] Hey, I heard a new song on the radio by that man with the tushie... Uh, Bert Springbean? So, I went to Sam Goody, got in a fight with a man with a feather earring, and raced here with the cassingle.

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Quote from Erica

Beverly: There's my schmoopaloopa. Where's your brother? He's got to hear this.
Erica: Yeah, he's indisposed.
Beverly: Hey, Barry, everything going okay in there?
Barry's voice: [from keyboard] Hi, Mom, this isn't a good time. This is Barry.
Beverly: But I haven't seen you all week. Open the door and let me hold your hand while you make poopalas.
Barry's voice: Thanks for stopping by! This is Barry.
Erica: Yeah, it's no bueno in there. Let me walk you to your car.
Barry's voice: Uh-oh! Barry did it again.
Beverly: [laughing] Oh! There you go, my big boy.
Barry's voice: This is Barry. I'm enjoying a shower.
Beverly: What? It doesn't sound like it.
Barry's voice: Testing. Erica, I don't think this is working.
Beverly: What a weird thing to say.
Erica: It really is, but he's obviously going through a lot, so let's not pull threads.
Beverly: Remind him to wash his bottom.

Quote from Pops

Adam: Pops, it's a dire romantic emergency.
Pops: Why do you think I hang out here all day buttering up bagels?

Quote from Beverly

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Ah, the board games of the '80s. Nothing bonded families faster than a magical night spent rolling dice and trapping mice with loved ones. No one was more into it than my mom.
Beverly: Surprise! It's game night! [all groan] That's right. I blatantly lied to your faces to get you here.
Barry: So, I'm not getting an all-expenses-paid trip to Japan to have my own samurai sword forged from the iron of Mount Fuji?
Beverly: Not even a little bit.
Adam: So, pint-sized comedy genius Emmanuel Lewis isn't here to discuss future projects?
Beverly: You'll be the only tiny wonder in this house.
Erica: So, an A&R guy didn't reach out about a demo tape I made last year?
Beverly: You're a hit with me.
Erica: I ran here.
Pops: And my high school sweetheart didn't call, hoping to reconnect?
Beverly: She did call, but only to tell you to stop calling.
Pops: I'll stop calling when her nurse stops picking up.
Murray: So, no pizza?
Beverly: Phone's right there.
Murray: When will this deceit end?

Quote from Barry

Beverly: I just wanted one evening where we're all together in a focused seven-hour window.
Erica: Seven hours? That's almost half a night's sleep.
Adam: And aren't you forgetting we never actually play 'cause we can never agree on a game?
Beverly: While I do agree we've had some setbacks...
Pops: Setbacks? In a fit of rage, Barry kicked the Operation game and needed a real operation.
Barry: They sewed my toe back on, and now I have to think extra hard when I want to wiggle it.
Beverly: Despite Barry's zombie toe, we can still have a good night.

Quote from Pops

Beverly: The Game of Life?
Pops: I've already played it. Turns out, there are no winners. You'll see.

Quote from Dave Kim

Adam: Everyone shut up. I'm pretty sure I've just been vibing with... Brea Bee.
Dave Kim: I heard you're not supposed to tell crazy people that they're crazy, but you're crazy.
Carla: Yeah, that makes no sense. You're wildly unappealing.
Adam: I'm having a hard time believing it, too. But there's something there. We both like Neil Simon.
Dave Kim: Everyone likes Neil Simon. He's the Brooklyn Bard. He makes your people folksy and relatable.

Quote from Dave Kim

Adam: She's also a great person.
Carla: She can't be nice and hot. No one needs two ways to get stuff.
Dave Kim: In my experience, kindness and beauty do not go hand-in-hand.
Carla: He sees me.

Quote from Adam

Mr. Perott: So, we start with your signature look. For example, I always have a pair of sunglasses on me, just in case I need to dramatically toss them off like this. [sunglasses thud]
Adam: Your disregard for eyewear makes me know you mean business.
[cut]
Mr. Perott: Next, ABCG... Always Be Chewing Gum. That way, you look both busy and laid-back all at once.
Adam: Laid-back and busy. I'll be like a CEO from California.
[cut]
Mr. Perott: Third... Make sure you never give anyone your full attention. [snaps fingers] I'm over here. See how you got a little confused there, like there was something more interesting behind you? There wasn't. I just made that up.
Adam: So rude and effective.
Mr. Perott: And finally, whenever you're walking, play a kick-ass jam in your head.
Adam: Would the Ewok celebration song Yub Nub work?
Mr. Perott: I've never heard it before, but no.

Quote from Barry

Beverly: Game night?
Barry: You know it, girl. I even brought Connect Four so that we can connect two.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Guess who? I'll give you a hint... I'm a beautiful blonde with delicious eyes and a hint of spunk.
Barry: Daryl Hannah!
Beverly: It's me, your mama. So, let me show you our other games for the evening. Bed Bugs! Mall Madness. Smurf Ahoy! Pig Pong. Don't Spill the Beans. Crackers In My Bed. Girl Talk. Pizza Party! Pizza Party! And Mouse Trap.

Quote from Geoff

Geoff: So fun. Let's start a feud with your family, Erica.
Beverly: [normal voice] Oh, we don't feud against ourselves. [doorbell rings]
Erica: Then who? Tell me who.
Beverly: Please welcome the Schwartz family. Lou and Linda, come on down.
Geoff: Mom? Dad?
Linda: Hi, sweetie.
Lou: We brought carrots!
Linda: Whoo!
Geoff: Bathroom again!

Quote from Geoff

Beverly: Okay, hands on buzzers. Name something you put on your pizza. [bell dings]
Geoff: We're living together. I mean, pepperoni!
Linda: What was that?
Erica: He said pepperoni! Show me pepperoni!
Beverly: Ding, ding, ding! Geoff, you have control.
Geoff: Doesn't feel like I do! And bathroom?

Quote from Geoff

Geoff: Thank God it's over.
Barry: And yet it's not, young Geoffrey. With tonight's success, Mom will surely want to do this again every week.
Geoff: But I'll crumble under the weight of our thousands of lies!
Erica: It'll be fine. We'll do whatever it takes to keep our secret.
Beverly: What secret? That you guys are living together?
Geoff: Oh, no. She knows. Erica, she knows.
Erica: I know she knows. How do you know?
Beverly: I suspected, and also Geoff blurted it out three times tonight.
Geoff: It's true! We're living together! Why do I keep saying it? Pepperoni!

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Living together, Murray.
Murray: I get it.
Beverly: Li-ving to-ge-ther!
Murray: Now I really get it.
Beverly: Okay, here's what's gonna happen. Barry and Erica are gonna move back here. We're gonna home-college them and occasionally let them into the backyard for vitamin D and free play.

Quote from Murray

Murray: I think everything's gonna be okay.
Beverly: You're okay with your sweet little peanut shacking up with that walking menace Geoff Schwartz?
Murray: Menace? They already spent the summer in a van half the size of a dorm room.
Beverly: That's beside the point.
Murray: She loves him, he loves her. I don't like anybody, and I like him!
Beverly: Well, he is sweet and smart and would do anything for her.
Murray: And I've never seen her this happy.
Beverly: I guess.
Murray: I know. For someone who worries so much about failing as a mother, I'd take this as a win.

Quote from Adam

[Adam hugs Pops]
Pops: What's this for?
Adam: For everything you do. Thanks.
Pops: No thanks needed. But I'll take it.

Quote from Beverly

Erica: So, you're just good with all this?
Beverly: No. [chuckles] But I'm trying to be because the truth is, you and Geoff belong together.
Erica: Holy crap. Really?
Beverly: Yeah. But you... have to understand how hard this is for me. When I first met you, you were a perfect, barely-seven-pound little being. You relied on me for everything, and now you're a grown woman, and making all your own choices, and I am just trying to be okay with that.
Erica: I get it. And I promise to be more honest with you from now on. Maybe we can talk about it at our next game night.
Beverly: [exhales sharply] I would love that.

Quote from Erica

Barry: [answers phone] JTP residence. Go for Big Tasty.
Barry's voice: It's Barry.
Barry: No, I'm Barry.
Barry's voice: This is definitely Barry.
Barry: No, I'm Barry.
Barry's voice: This is still Barry.
Barry: No. I'm Barry.
Barry's voice: Uh-oh! Barry did it again.
Barry: What did I do?
Barry's voice: I'm Barry. I'm enjoying a shower.
Barry: No, I'm not. Wait. Are you my evil twin? Listen, we can work together.
Barry's voice: Thanks for stopping by!
Barry: Hold on... Erica?
Erica: Miss you! Bye!
[Barry slams the receiver]

Quote from Barry

Beverly: Who wants to play Boggle?
Barry: Pass. I used the timer as salt by mistake.
Pops: Here's an oldie but a goodie. Tiddlywinks.
Barry: "Tiddly-winks"? Tell me more about this arousing game.
Pops: Well, you use a big disc to get a little disc into a medium cup.
Barry: Oh, I've been betrayed again. Just call it "Disc-cup" so I know it sucks!

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