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‘Animal House’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

The Goldbergs: Animal House

704. Animal House

Aired October 16, 2019

Barry tries to join a fraternity so he can experience Animal House hijinks. Meanwhile, Beverly wants Murray to spend more time with her.

Quote from Bill Lewis

Beverly: Well, unlike you, I live in total terror of that day and all the sad and lonely ones that will follow.
Bill Lewis: Been there. After Lainey left, things got dark. I rarely ate, showered, or ventured outside. My hollow shell of a body would crawl out of Lainey's tear-stained bedroom only to answer a phone that wasn't ringing.
Vic: Is this why you didn't bring the nachos?
Bill Lewis: Yeah.

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Quote from Barry

Erica: What are you doing?
Barry: Tossing out all the things I'd been saving for the day I finally joined a fraternity. Goodbye, pledge paddle. You will never redden the tushies of my friends.
Erica: That's Mom's cheese board.
Barry: Goodbye, togas, the preferred apparel of Greek gods and ghosts.
Erica: Those are my bed sheets.
Barry: Here. Maybe you can find a better home for them.
Erica: I'll probably just continue to use them as sheets.
Barry: Goodbye, beer funnel.
Erica: That's a traffic cone.

Quote from Barry

Barry: I'm joining a fraternity.
Erica: Ugh. Why?
Barry: Bros, babes, beer, and boat shoes!
Erica: Classism, hazing, dangerously excessive drinking.
Barry: Yeah, all of those awesome reasons.

Quote from Erica

Erica: Barry, I'm leaving. All the smirking and popped collars are wigging me out.
Barry: Okay, girl I've never met.
Rick Kentwood: Hi. I'm Beta Zeta president Rick Kentwood.
Erica: Of course you are.
Rick Kentwood: And if you're not busy tomorrow night, you should come by our house. We're hosting a classy get-together.
Erica: "The Get Trashed Bash"? Was "Douche Gala" taken?
Barry: We accept! Me and this mouthy lady stranger will be there.

Quote from Matt

Barry: Thanks for coming to the weekly meeting of the JTP.
All: JTP!
Geoff: First order of business... It's almost Matt Bradley's birthday, and I...
Barry: No one cares about stupid Matt Bradley and how embarrassingly old he's getting.
Matt: It's true. No one likes to be confronted by their mortality. Let's not make a big deal about it.

Quote from Murray

Murray: Activities?
Beverly: Golf.
Murray: Too much walking.
Beverly: Putt-putt golf.
Murray: Too much walking.
Beverly: Crocheting?
Murray: My fingers are too thick, and also I don't want to. You just rattle them off. I'll tell you when you hit one.
Beverly: Wine tasting. Cooking class. Bowling. Sightseeing. Bird watching. Learning a new language. Ceramics.
Murray: Yeah!
Beverly: Ceramics it is!
Murray: No, no, no. The Eagles finally got a first down. I'm not doing pottery.

Quote from Bill Lewis

Vic: Don't worry, Bev. Murray's a good guy. He'll come around.
Bill Lewis: The best. But also the worst. He once told me I was too bald to look at. He didn't clarify and I was too afraid to ask and now too much time has passed.
Vic: That is a deeply upsetting story.
Bill Lewis: For sure, but I love the guy.

Quote from Erica

Barry: How do I look?
Erica: Like a yacht captain was run over by a polo horse.
Barry: Perfect.

Quote from Andy

Barry: I've called this emergency meeting to tell you I will not be a painfully handsome frat god who is above the law. I'll merely be painfully handsome.
Matt: I'm sorry, Bar. Those idiots don't know what they're missing.
Barry: But what hurts even more is, while I'm flailing, you guys are out there crushing it.
Geoff: While that's incredibly petty and mean, the truth is, we're actually not.
Andy: I lied before about being the coxswain of the rowing team. I just like saying "coxswain."
Barry: Coxswain. Oh. That is fun.

Quote from Beverly

Vic: How did you do that, Beverly?
Beverly: Jazzercise. Really strengthens the buttocks. You know, with strong buttocks, anything is possible.
Bill Lewis: That makes scientific sense.
Beverly: Well, the butt is the face of the back of your body.
Bill Lewis: How can I make my cheeks more rosy and plump?
Beverly: Easy. Tomorrow, we're going to Booty Boogie Body Ballet.
Vic: I'm in.
Beverly: Just wait till Murray finds out I'm taking his friends to butt class.
Bill Lewis: Do you really think that butt dancing is the antidote here, Bev?
Beverly: Oh, it's not about butt dancing. It's about Murray eventually realizing that he's sitting alone at home in his chair, and that is no way for a man to live.

Quote from Barry

Barry: [raps] We're the Frat Boys, not the Fat Boys, ya see And like the Fat Boys, we got one, two, three But the only cool guy up here is me So please let me be in your fraternity We came to party and rock the spot Yeah, I'm a frat boy, but these two are not Dave Kim's lame, and my brother is short They're mainly up here for moral support Why would I insult my crew? 'Cause that's just something that frat boys do I'm Beta Zeta material I eat emcees like cereal Cap'n Crunch or Frosted Flakes Or high-fiber bran to help me make We're the frat boys It's a play on words Like the Fat Boys, but these two are nerds We're the Frat Boys [talks] What do you say? Can I join sideways boobs Zorro slash?
Adam: I'm just a boy!
Dave Kim: You're handling me as if I'm resisting!

Quote from Murray

Beverly: Murray, we've got to figure this out. The rest of our lives is coming sooner than you think.
Murray: Yeah. I know. I was, uh, walking around the house, and I couldn't find anybody and I, uh...
Beverly: Felt alone?
Murray: Yeah, maybe. You know the words better than me.
Beverly: And you thought maybe it would be nice to be surrounded by people who love you.
Murray: Sure. Uh, yeah.
Beverly: And you realized that without those people, the future might not be so great.
Murray: It's so hard for me to get excited about doing stuff, and there's only three things I like... Sitting, watching sports, and you.
Beverly: I can work with that.

Quote from Barry

Barry: Okay, horseshoe menorahs. Wow me.
Omega Psi Brother: We're Omega Psi. It's the Greek alphabet. Is that not clear?
Erica: He struggles with the English alphabet, so...
Barry: If I were to pledge, could I expect the following hijinks: Driving a motorcycle into a crowded party, leaving a dead horse in a dean's office, and/or road-tripping to an all-girls college to hit on the friends of a deceased student?
Omega Psi Brother: We're more of an academic house.
Barry: Next!

Quote from Barry

Erik: Hey. Erik Stratton, alumni director at Delta House. Damn glad to meet ya.
Robert: That was Erik Stratton, alumni director. He was damn glad to meet you.
Barry: Why are you talking to me? I already have a grandpa.
Erik: Oh, we're doing the recruiting 'cause most of the guys in our frat are either hungover or...
Both: In jail.
Barry: Oh, I don't not like what I'm hearing.
Robert: Cold one?
Erica: It's 9:00 in the morning.
Erik: Yeah, we got a late start.
Barry: Let me ask you something. Can your house serve my needs as an alpha male in the upper echelons of society's wealthy and elite?
Erik: Ha! Not even a little. Let me ask you something. Is that a Froot Loop in your hair?
Barry: It's an Apple Jack. This conversation is over.

Quote from Erica

Erica: Barry, I don't care what you do, but don't you think you're being a tad unrealistic about which fraternity is the right one for you?
Barry: Silence! I've found my people.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Yep, they were the perfect-haired, pastel-wearing blowhards of Beta Zeta, and Barry had to be one of them.
Erica: Those khaki Ken Dolls? You're kidding, right?

Quote from Barry

Erica: What are you doing? There's no way I'm going to that.
Barry: You have to! For some unknown reason, he's taken with you. So, we go, I charm him, ditch you, and my life of nonstop toga adventures begins.
Erica: I guess that would mean that you'd have to move out of our dorm and I'd never see your dumb face again.
Barry: We see it the same way. Now time to practice my lovable frat-brother antics, like crushing beer cans against my forehead. [fails] I know your weak spot, Mr. Pibb! [fails again] Ah! I'm softening it up. Aah!

Quote from Beverly

Adult Adam: [v.o.] It was October 16th, 1980-something, and my mom was still adjusting to the fact that there was only one kid in the house to cook for.
Beverly: Adam, breakfast!
Adam: Uh, I already had some Mr. T cereal.
Beverly: Well... I pity the fool who doesn't eat my pigs in a blanket.
Pops: Again you made too much. Your two other kids are off in college. How do you not know that by now?

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Oh, I'm just fueling Adam up with high-energy meats for our big day.
Adam: Big day? With me? And also you?
Beverly: Surprise! It's robot-themed.
Adam: Robots?
Pops: Adam, she knows your greatest weakness.
Beverly: We start off by going to a matinee of this new movie called The Terminator and then we move to Kiddie City to pick up the Transformer toy of your choice and, for the finale, we're gonna see Styx at the Spectrum perform Mr. Roboto.
Adam: While I appreciate the pandering, I'm afraid I already have plans with Dave Kim.
Beverly: Dave Kim? You're gonna blow off a day with me and robots for that four-eyed drip?
Adam: Yeah. We were just gonna hang, but now I think we're gonna do all your robot stuff instead. Thanks for the idea!

Quote from Pops

Pops: Beverly, enough with overwhelming Adam with all your love. You need to find someone else.
Beverly: Well, what have you got cooking today? You wanna see some robots?
Pops: Well, I'm pretty jammed up, but I know who you should ask... Your life partner.
Beverly: You just saw Adam leave.
Pops: I'm talking about Murray!
Beverly: Yeah. Murray's good at a lot of things, but doing stuff isn't one of them.
Pops: You used to go to movies, weekends down the shore. Go back to that magical time before you had kids and start living! Now's your chance.

Quote from Murray

Adult Adam: [v.o.] In that moment, my mom realized she had to get Murray out of his chair and into her life. It wasn't going to be easy.
Murray: [grumbles, sighs]
Beverly: Is that you saying "Good morning"?
Murray: [grumbles]

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