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‘Dana's Back’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

The Goldbergs: Dana's Back

702. Dana's Back

Aired October 2, 2019

Adam is shocked when his first girlfriend Dana returns to Jenkintown. Meanwhile, Barry and Erica struggle to get settled in at college after a housing mix-up.

Quote from Beverly

Dean: Well, wait. To the extent that I believed or understood anything you said, uh, the dorm rooms are all full now. So, there's nothing I can do.
Beverly: This will be the first of many times you say that to me, and the first of many times I won't listen.
Dean: There may be something I can do.

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Quote from Barry

Barry: I mean it. You will never again have the experience of being in the same room as me.
Beverly: What if we're at a family wedding?
Barry: I will dance and eat the meal in the men's room.
Erica: What about a museum?
Barry: Unlikely, since I have no interest in history or art of any kind.
Erica: Fallout shelter?
Barry: I will train my body to survive a nuclear explosion.
Beverly: What about my funeral?
Barry: I will give a dominant eulogy...
Beverly: Oh, thank God.
Barry: ...on a video monitor from an undisclosed location.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: So, my son is gonna melt in a nuclear disaster, and what's worse is, now he refuses to attend my funeral. Help me, Dean Dean.
Dean: As I've been trying to tell you since the museum part, housing became available for your children.
Beverly: It did?
Dean: Yes, and when I called to tell you, your husband said "No, thanks."
Beverly: Are you [bleep] [bleep] with me right now?

Quote from Murray

Beverly: It was you. You're the one that caused this whole mess.
Erica: What?
Beverly: That's right. Per Dean Dean, housing became available, which your father refused.
Barry: Is that true, Dad?
Murray: [quietly] Maybe.
Erica: What?
Murray: [quietly] Yes.
Barry: Are you saying "yes"?
Murray: [quietly] Maybe.
Erica: What?
Murray: [quietly] Yes.
Barry: He's talking so softly, it's imperceptible to human ears. I must know the truth.
Murray: [quietly] Maybe.

Quote from Murray

Beverly: Damn it, Murray, you obviously can't say the words, so clearly you did it.
Murray: Fine! I did it, okay?
Barry: You monster!
Erica: Oh, my God!
Beverly: Well, I hope it was worth it, Murray. You ruined your kids' college years to save a few bucks.
Murray: I didn't do it because I was cheap.
Beverly: Then why? Why would you do this?
Murray: [quietly] 'Cause I'm gonna miss 'em.
Beverly: What? He's doing it again.
Murray: [quietly] I'm gonna miss 'em.
Beverly: Murray, say the words!
Murray: I'm gonna miss 'em, okay? I spent their whole childhood sitting in that chair watching TV! And now they're leaving for college and there's nothing I can do! It's too late!

Quote from Murray

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Growing up in the 80s, my mom loved her kids more than anything, which made every goodbye utter agony. So, dropping my big bro and sis off at college was bound to be a tsunami of sadness. My dad, on the other hand...
Murray: Okay, morons, out ya go.
Beverly: They're not morons. They're our baby birds leaving the nest, and they are very upset about it.
Barry: My four-year bender of unsupervised partying starts now!
Erica: Dad, you're not even stopping the car!
Murray: I'm basically stopped! Come on! Go, go, go!
Geoff: This feels very unsafe.
Beverly: For God's sake, Murray, stop the car.
Murray: There's nowhere to stop!
Geoff: The man in the orange "welcome" vest is guiding you to a spot!
Beverly: Damn it, Murray, now!
Murray: Fine! Okay, you got 20 seconds. That's 10 per kid.
Beverly: I know how many children we have.

Quote from Geoff

Murray: Where do you think you're going?
Geoff: To say goodbye to the love of my life.
Murray: Uh-uh.
Geoff: I'm sorry, Mr. G, but it is time for me to stand up to you and prove that I've finally become a man. Oh, no! He kid-locked me in!

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Okay, I've prepared a lengthy and emotionally explosive speech.
Barry: Mom, if you make a scene, I will never come home again.
Erica: Ditto. So, keep it together, lady. Not a single tear.
Beverly: Children, fruit of my loins, like the spongy umbilical cord that once bound our bodies together.
Geoff: Whatever she's saying, me, too!
Beverly: Erica, I wish you the best.
Erica: Too long.
Beverly: Barry, I bid you adieu, mon ami.
Barry: A Billy Idol Mony Mony to you, too.
Beverly: Might I impose upon each of you for a small kiss?
Murray: [honks horn] No kisses! Get back in the car!
Beverly: All right, Murray, you animal! Farewell.

Quote from Dave Kim

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Okay, rough start, but things were looking up. My ex, Jackie, was off to college, and I couldn't wait to catch up with my crew.
Adam: Big Dave Kim! How was your summer?
Carla: His summer was uneventful, and he's talking to me right now.
Adam: Oh, wow. You guys are still, uh...
Dave Kim: I can't explain it, either.
Adam: Carla, I thought you graduated?
Dave Kim: She did. Now she works at Wingin' It. Dave Kim's lady brings home the bacon and the chicken.
Carla: The bacon is money, but the chicken is chicken.

Quote from Barry

Barry: Hello? Do I spy a food-stained Flyers shirt similar to my own?
Gary Silverberg: Yep.
Barry: Barry Goldberg. Friends call me Big Tasty.
Gary Silverberg: Gary Silverberg, AKA G-Licious.
Barry: We seem well-matched, but tell me, do you know karate?
Gary Silverberg: Yaah!
Barry: I'll take that as a destructive yes. And I, uh, see you have turntables, too?
Gary Silverberg: Yep, but I am still looking for an MC to spit some fiery rhymes.
Barry: My guy, I spit fiery rhymes 24/7. [rapping] My name is Barry [Gary beatboxes] Your name is Gary We're like the same person It's kinda scary

Quote from Pops

Murray: Why do I still see morons?
Erica: 'Cause your unstable wife didn't send in our checks for student housing so she can keep us at home.
Beverly: But I swear I sent them in.
Barry: Then why is Flavor Overdrive spittin' fresh flows and hi-ya-ing boards with G-Licious and not me?
Pops: I recognize none of those words.

Quote from Beverly

Erica: He's freaking out, but I'm not. Now that I have a second chance at college, I will not let you ruin this year for me. I'll be upstairs studying.
Barry: Do not expect that measured, mature reaction from me.
Beverly: But I didn't do what you're saying. Unless... Oh, God. Is my mom brain so strong, I did it subconsciously? Is that even possible?
Murray: I'd say probable. I just saw a 20/20 where a lady punched a lion in the face to save her kids.
Beverly: I'd punch a million jungle cats for my babies.
Murray: There you have it. You did the bad thing. I say we do a gum ball puzzle. Come on! Let's get together and gum ball it up.
Barry: Gum balls? I'm in real trouble over here, and this guy's talking about gum balls? Mother, you need to fix this now!
Beverly: I will, Schmoo. Conscious Momma will clean up Subconscious Momma's mess. We're both leaving right now.

Quote from Pops

Pops: Mur, I'm not sure you're reading the room with all the puzzle talk.
Murray: So, the kids live at home a little longer. What's the big whoop?
Pops: Big whoop? You've wanted those kids outta here forever. I've got a hunch you're up to something.
Murray: Me? What could I be up to?
Pops: I don't know, but I'm gonna solve this puzzle, right after I solve this puzzle.

Quote from Dave Kim

Dave Kim: So, when are you gonna lock that down?
Adam: You've gotten very aggressive since Carla came into your life.
Dave Kim: She likes me sassy, but this is an incredible opportunity for you. Don't you like her?
Adam: Of course I like her, Dave Kim. But now she's super cool and kind of looks like a flight attendant, and I'm still me. Plus, she told me she just wants to be friends.
Dave Kim: Friends? I saw the way she hugged you! I thought I was watching 9 1/2 Weeks, man.
Adam: You've seen the kink noir drama 9 1/2 Weeks?
Dave Kim: I'm in a relationship with an adult lady, and that lady is stealing cable from her neighbor.
Adam: You know, she did lightly tap my upper back when we hugged.
Dave Kim: I know. It was like Body Heat, which I also watched and enjoyed.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Hi, Dean Dean. Beverly Goldberg.
Dean: Not Dean Dean. Just a man named Dean who... Happens to be a dean.
Beverly: Dean Dean, these are the housing checks for Barry and Erica Goldberg. Make sure Barry's room is no further than 30 feet from the bathroom. He's got a bit of a fussy tummy.
Dean: Well, wait, these were due months ago.
Beverly: Which is when my conscious mind sent them in.
Dean: Your conscious mind?
Beverly: Oh, it's a teeny possibility that my subconscious mind did not send them in.
Dean: So, you didn't send them in?
Beverly: Or it's also a teeny possibility that your conscious mind received the checks, but that your subconscious mind destroyed them.
Dean: Why would it do that?
Beverly: I don't know. Why would a man named Dean seek out a career in deaning? [chuckles lightly] We can't control our subconscious minds, Dean Dean. The point is, I forgive you. Have a great year.

Quote from Barry

Murray: It's nacho time.
Barry: Wait, you made food? For us?
Erica: What's your game, man?
Murray: Can't a man make a traditional Mexican snack for his kids?
Barry: Oh, no! Those aren't beans! What's in my mouth?
Murray: I don't know. I just got a can out of the pantry.
Erica: I think those are whole cranberries.
Barry: Cranberries? The Mexican people don't work with tart bog fruit! What did you do?
Murray: Just eat around the bog fruit!

Quote from Adam

Dana: Adam?
Adam: Yep. And former Genesis front man Peter Gabriel. Damn it. Batteries. Okay, imagine In Your Eyes is playing as I present to you... Laser tag.
Dana: Is that the baby we took care of?
Adam: "Hi, Mommy. I wuv you." Okay, that's weird.
Dana: All of this is weird. Why is it happening? Eh... You know what? Hang on. I'll be right out.
Adam: Oh, no. Stay put. I come to you via trellis.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] This was it. Just like old times, I'd climb Dana's trellis for an epic romantic gesture. It was my second chance at love, and I was sure it would be twice as magical.
Adam: Dana Caldwell, would you... Uh-oh. Ahh!
Dana: Adam!
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Unfortunately, I didn't realize I was twice as big.

Quote from Murray

Beverly: I had no idea how you felt about missing the children.
Murray: Neither did I. And then bags started getting packed and posters came off the walls, and it became too real.
Beverly: All you've ever wanted was for the kids to go to college.
Murray: Yeah. I put so much focus on them leaving, I never thought of them not being here.
Beverly: Oh, Murray.
Murray: I just wish I would have spent more time with them.
Beverly: It's not too late.

Quote from Barry

Erica: Okay, I'm only gonna do this once.
Barry: Come at me. [Erica punches Barry in the stomach] Oh! Ow! You're supposed to warn me! That's how Houdini died!

Quote from Geoff

Barry: I knew she couldn't fight her excessive love! She's garbage!
Geoff: Erica, you forgot your Caboodle!
Murray: Just toss it out.
Geoff: [crashing sound]Oh, no!
Murray: Hey, Schwartz, head in.
Erica: Dad, you'll hurt him!
Murray: Window's going up!
Geoff: I'll miss you so much! Ow! This is not the goodbye I imagined!

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