Barry: Now we're gonna miss the whole movie.
Naked Rob: I got a Sony Watchman. All we need is nine batteries.
Andy: All we need is nine batteries.

Barry: Wait! That's it. We're not gonna do a song about parents. All we need is one parent. "Dads Just Don't Care."
Adam: Ooh. That's so true.
Andy: And brilliant, 'cause your dad really doesn't care, 'cause he's given up on life.

Naked Rob: Dude, who's awful idea was this?
Pops: That'd be me. I'm his sensei.
Andy: Mr. Grandpa, sir, I would like to go on record and respectfully say that your advice will destroy Barry's life and that you suck at this.

Andy: And I can be your gaffer. That way, I can find out what a gaffer is.

Murray: Whoa-ho-ho. Guess who found us a 1972 "Preserving Wetlands" stamp? Oh, yes. Let's just put it in the binder, and we will be- These are not my stamps.
Beverly: What? These are most certainly your stamps.
Murray: No, no, no, my '39 Kitty Hawk had a crease in the left-hand corner.
Adam: Maybe it got un-creased over time?
Murray: You can't un-crease a stamp crease.
Adam: You don't know that for sure.

Marvin: Gentlemen, thanks for coming to Barry's bachelor party. Adam, cue the mind-blowing visuals! Philadelphia, known for the Liberty Bell, South Street, and the world's greatest cheesesteaks. But tonight, none of that matters not one damn bit.
Adam: What? But you made me go around the city taking photos of that stuff.
Marvin: It's for dramatic effect, man which I achieved.

Andy: Well, I'll have you know Barry never reads.
Naked Rob: He's more of a TV guy.

Andy: Are they called The Jokers 'cause they're bad at jokes?

Andy: I guess with the stress of college, I could use a real vacation.
John Calabasas: Well, it sounds like you odd, anxious gents could use some free promotional watches. Check it.
Barry: It doesn't even have numbers.
Naked Rob: And there's no hands.
Andy: It just says "Who cares?"
John Calabasas: That's right. Because when you're in Camaica, [Jamaican accent] you're on island time, mon. Nowhere to be but right here, right now, mon. [normal voice] That's not racist, is it?
Andy: Eh...
John Calabasas: And "paradise" is a word that means different things to different people, much like the words "liar" or "pregnant."

Adam: Aaand cut, I guess?
Barry: Gentlemen, well done. Your boring stories are gonna save this place.
Naked Rob: Maybe I'm not Naked Rob. Maybe I'm just a boy who lost his suit.
Andy: There's a darkness in the corner of my soul. Did I bring something back with me?
Matt: Maybe we shouldn't be trying to keep this place open.