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43Quotes from ‘Adam Spielberg’

The Goldbergs: Adam Spielberg

515. Adam Spielberg

Aired March 7, 2018

Adam takes on a mammoth project when he decides to direct a sequel to Indiana Jones: Raiders of the Lost Ark. Meanwhile, Barry tries to convince Murray that the best Philly cheesesteak is found in New Jersey.

Quote from Barry

Barry: It was early December. I was on my way to watch the Flyers play the Devils in New Jersey.
Murray: Stop! There's no cheesesteak story that ends in Jersey.
Barry: But there is. I took the wrong off-ramp and got lost. As night fell, I grew desperate and hungry. And then, like a cheesy beacon of hope, I saw a lone sandwich shop glowing in the darkness.
Murray: Stop. Just tell us the name of the sandwich shop already.
Barry: That's the thing. I was so overwhelmed by the flavor that I didn't get a chance to look up from my poppy-seed kaiser roll to get a name.
Pops: Poppy-seed kaiser roll on a cheesesteak? It can't be done!
Barry: Oh, they did it. It was the poppiest of rolls, combined with the whizziest of cheeses. It was like eating the sweet butt meat of an angel in- Hey! I'm still talkin'! I didn't finish my awesome true story!

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Quote from Barry

Barry: Mmm, oh, yeah. That's the good stuff I remember.
Murray: I got to admit not bad.
Barry: Unh, it's got a little heat to it.
Murray: Whoa! Coming on kinda strong.
Barry: It's fighting back pretty hard.
Murray: Oh, that's a spicy punch to the mouth. The biting is relentless! What the hell did you put on this thing?!
Barry: Something called "Donkey Kick Sauce." It was in the condiment section, but sounded special, so I smeared it all over.
Crusty Old Man: He chose poorly.
Murray: What the [bleep] is wrong with that guy?
Barry: No idea!

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Look what I found and immediately read.
Adam: Oh, my Indy script? How'd you get this? I hid it under my mattress and sleeping body.
Beverly: Well, you may not know this, 'cause you're a very deep sleeper, but every night at 1:00 a.
m. sharp, I lead you to the bathroom to make a pishy.
Adam: I did not know that.
Beverly: Well, point is, I found it when I moved your unconscious body, and this, for sure, will be our calling card.

Quote from Barry

Barry: That's it. We're eating a Donkey steak if it's the last thing I do!
Murray: Sit down and do not mess with that man's sandwich.
Barry: We'll just switch it with our flaming hot one! He's a giant. He'll never notice the spicy.
Murray: That's not how spicy works.

Quote from Barry

Barry: Admit it it's the best, right?
Murray: You know what? Leaving those keys behind may be the smartest thing you've ever done.
Crusty Old Man: You chose wisely.
Barry: What is his deal?

Quote from Coach Mellor

Coach Mellor: What's with the flyer, Goldberg?
Barry: I made this life-changing bet with my dad, and I can't lose.
Coach Mellor: Blood feud with the old man, huh? I didn't talk to Coach Senior for six years until we finally arm-wrestled it out. He won. But I let him.

Quote from Adam

Beverly: Whatcha doing, boofaloo?
Adam: Writing a script.
Beverly: Yay! [laughs] So, what's the name of your big, fancy new movie?
Adam: Let's see "Indiana Jones and the Thunder Glove of the Prime Mutant". That's it. "Indiana Jones and the Thunder Glove of the Prime Mutant." It writes itself!
Beverly: You looked around the room, and you came up with a title!

Quote from Barry

Barry: Then, it's my life mission to find this Jersey oasis and take you there. And when you eat the greatest steak sandwich of your life, I will prove you wrong, and you shall never call me a moron again.
Murray: And what happens when I hate this imaginary sandwich?
Barry: Then I'll accept once and for all that I'm truly a moron.
Murray: No, you won't.
Barry: Oh, I will. In fact, if I'm wrong, I will legally change my name to "Moron."
Murray: Okay, I'll take that deal.
Barry: My crusade for the Hoagie Grail begins now.

Quote from Coach Mellor

Coach Mellor: The donkey is the most noble of all work beasts. Now, go. Show your father who the real moron is.

Quote from Murray

Barry: in my hand, I hold a map on the back of the menu that leads to the world's greatest meat sandwich. We're going tonight. Don't argue! Put on your pants and move!
Murray: Let's go.
Barry: Whoa. You got up so fast. I didn't know that was possible.
Murray: It's a win-win for me. You see, either you're right and I get the greatest cheesesteak of all time, or you're wrong and I get the greatest gift of all, you're a permanent moron.
Barry: Prepare to literally eat those words. To Donkey's in Camden!

Quote from Murray

Barry: Should I take this exit?
Murray: No, don't take this exit.
Barry: Blinkers on. I'm taking it. I'm not lost. I'm positive I'm not going the right way. I have a good feeling about this unpaved road. Oh, I gotta pee.
Murray: Hold it.
Barry: I got to go.
Murray: Hold it.
Barry: I got to go, Dad. Hey, pelicans! We're near the ocean.
Murray: Just drive me in.
Beverly: Uh-oh. I left my wallet at home.
Murray: Of course you did, moron!

Quote from Naked Rob

Naked Rob: Yo, bro.We heard ab out your movie. JTP wants in.
Adam: Seriously? You want to be in it?
Naked Rob: I was thinking more cameraman. Naked Rob's tired of always being objectified for his body.
Adam: Technically, you're the one who gets naked, but, yes.

Quote from Geoff

Geoff: Can I be the prop guy? You know, everyone's always focused on the characters in the movie, but I'm always, like, "Where'd they get that salt shaker?"

Quote from Beverly

Adam: I thought I was clear, no Mom on this movie.
Beverly: No, you said I couldn't be on set, which is why I'm here, acting as your agent. But don't worry.
I'll take my 10% in belly kisses.
Adam: Ahah-ah-ah! No! I don't need an agent.
Beverly: Food. What about food? Let Mama do the catering. You know I can make a lasagna so dense it can feed 62 people.
Adam: Fine! You can be my craft-service lady, but only 'cause a fed crew is a happy crew.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Uh, excuse me. Trail mix? Apple slices? Little cup of tuna?
Adam: No thanks, craft service. Now, please stay in your designated area.
Beverly: As you wish, Director Goldberg. Did you hear that, everybody? This squishy tushy monster is in charge of the whole enchilada.
Adam: Ignore the kooky food lady, people.

Quote from Geoff

Geoff: Hey. I made the boulder that's gonna roll down these temple steps right for Indy.
Adam: Um, I think that should be, like, 10 times as big.
Geoff: That makes sense. Man, you're super good at directing.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Turns out, directing is, like, really hard.
Geoff: Okay, I'm back, and I nailed it. Oh! So, you want, like, a big one. Like Like, not a rock, but a boulder. Okay, this one's smaller, so that's on me.

Quote from Erica

Erica: [singing] Come on, DJ, play that song Let's party all night long I'm Indiana Jonesin' for your body I'm Indiana Jonesin' for your lips You're tearing my heart right out of my chest And now I'm Indiana Jonesin' for that whip [whip whooshes, cracks] Come on! Do the Indy. And Indiana Jones whip.
Adam: It's fine. I'll fix it in post.

Quote from Murray

Murray: Sir, please don't chase my son! He's a moron! It's not his fault!

Quote from Barry

Barry: Ow! My cheesesteak-eating arm!

Quote from Erica

Erica: I watched all three Indy movies. And now I really know what kind of song you're looking for.
Adam: Erica, I'm not directing Just give me another chance!
Erica: [singing] I'm Indiana Jonesin' for that music I'm Indiana Jonesin' for those skeleton bones I'll throw you the idol, you throw me your whip [whip cracks] I'm Indiana Jonesin' for Indiana Jones
Barry: [rapping] Yo, girl, it's Indy, make some room Wanna take you back to my Temple of Boom Girl's so hot that I say, "Damn, you belong in a museum" All around the map, from Paris to Prague No, they named me after the dog Drop you like you're a German soldier Run over you like a big-ass boulder
All: [singing] Indiana Jones, you can raid my ark
Geoff: [singing] And, also, I'm afraid of snakes.
Adam: No.

Quote from Murray

Murray: Stop playing with your food, moron.
Adam: I'm not playing! It's from "Close Encounters."
[Murray throws a bread roll at Adam's head]
Murray: There's your close encounter.


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