Adam: Inside this envelope is my PSAT scores.
Beverly: The warm‐up test before the real test. Oh! The stakes have never been higher.
Pops: That sounds wrong, but sure.
Beverly: What's in this envelope could guarantee a full ride to an ivy or shame you into a state school, where your friends will be dentists, newspaper writers, and, God forbid, teachers.

Mr. Perott: Adam, these scores are not so hot. I thought nerds were good at math.
Adam: I'm more of a geek. W‐ We're still social and physical klutzes with quirky personalities, but we have intense passions for fringe interests.
Mr. Perott: And what's a dweeb?
Adam: Look, it's a rich continuum of discomfort, but what should I do about my test scores?

Beverly: So?
Murray: Why have we never been to Portugal?
Beverly: Who gives a crap about Portugal? How'd it go with Adam's guidance counselor?
Murray: I think Adam's gonna spend about a year figuring it out.
Beverly: What?! No, you were supposed to be the bad cop!
Murray: You know, I've never been barefoot on anything but tile. Tile, Bevy! It's no way to live!

Mr. Glascott: Look into your heart. Who would you rather be a ward to?
Adam: I just wanna make movies, man!
Mr. Perott: Then go make 'em, Adam.
Mr. Glascott: The boy needs to attend college. His she‐devil mother demands it.
Adam: Wait, my mom was behind this?
Mr. Glascott: Ah. Yes. Dang it. And I dress up like Prince on the weekends. The secret is out. [chuckles] She can't hurt me now.

Beverly: Morning, Schmoo. I made your favorite... waffles shaped like the Death Star. [Adam walks out without saying a word] Great. Do you know how long it took me to make these? Not long. They're just circles.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Back in the '80s, you couldn't just book a vacation on the Internet. Nope. The only way to get away was with the help of a pro... a travel agent.
John Calabasas: Excuse me, gentlemen, would you know where I can find the party people on this campus?
Andy: Maybe the geology building?
Naked Rob: Over at that dorm that looks like a motel?
Barry: JTP, get your act together. We are the party people on campus.
Andy: I did just go to my niece's fourth b‐day party, so I guess it's technically true.
Naked Rob: Shayna's four? Where does the time go?

Beverly: Oh, here it is! Here it is! On your verbal portion, you got in the 90th percentile!
Pops: That's really high! [chuckles]
Beverly: Okay, and on your math... you got in the bottom 5th percentile.
Pops: That's really low.
Adam: Is it? I'm not really a numbers guy.
Pops: Yeah, I'm getting that.

Beverly: Okay, I'm not gonna overreact, but this is the worst disaster that's ever happened to any family ever.
Pops: I walked across Europe as a child, but sure.

Beverly: That beautiful dum‐dum needs to get his head screwed on straight.
Pops: So, what's your plan? You gonna ride him like a show pony till he bends to your will?
Beverly: Adam's graduating next year, and I don't want to send him into the world upset with me. I'm gonna be the good cop so he can be upset with other people.
Pops: That does make some sense.
Beverly: And I'll come out of this still the number‐one lady in his life, now and forever.
Pops: That makes less sense.

Mr. Perott: Adam, let me ask you something... why NYU?
Adam: The film program. It's top notch.
Mr. Perott: Then you want to be a filmmaker? Well, then it's all good.
Adam: Oh, great. I was starting to worry NYU wasn't an option.
Mr. Perott: That's a good instinct, because you'll never get in there. But that's okay. Listen, college isn't always a necessity if you want to be a filmmaker. I bet a lot of your film heroes never even went to fancy film school.
Adam: Heck, Tony Scott had a worthless art degree, and he made "Top Gun."
Mr. Perott: There you go. Take the money you would've given to NYU and go make a movie. And put Bob Balaban in it. He's fantastic.
Adam: I dunno.
Mr. Perott: What about Hector Elizondo?
Adam: No, they're both solid character actors that deserve their own thing, but I meant I don't know
about skipping college.