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44Quotes from ‘There Can Only Be One Highlander Club’

The Goldbergs: There Can Only Be One Highlander Club

616. There Can Only Be One Highlander Club

Aired February 20, 2019

After Beverly arranges a play date with Adam's school bully, Johnny Atkins, they form an unlikely friendship over a shared appreciation for the Highlander films. Meanwhile, Barry fears the JTP won't be friends forever after he learns about Murray's rarely seen friendship group from school.

Quote from Murray

Barry: How come you never see these guys anymore?
Murray: Kormy lives in Lancaster now. That's way too far.
Barry: Too far? You once drove out to Delaware just to get a crab hoagie.
Pops: That was a good hoagie.
Murray: Yeah, it had crab in it.
Pops: Dense crab.
Murray: And that bread was delicious.
Pops: I remember that trip.
Murray: Yeah. Crab.

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Quote from Pops

Barry: Dude, forget the crab. If Kormy's your friend, you gotta go see him.
Murray: High school friends are nice, but then life happens, and you move on.
Barry: No, the JTP will always be inseparable blood brothers that will be together forever. Pops, back me up here.
Pops: How's about we take a drive and talk about it? Maybe down to that crab place.
Barry: All right, enough with the crab!
Pops: We're going to Delaware!

Quote from Beverly

Adam: Just gimme a sec. I gotta find a blank tape so I can record "Highlander."
Beverly: Wait, I bought you that movie for your half birthday. What happened to that tape?
Adam: Uh, I kinda thought it was a piece of wood and sawed it in half?
Beverly: Schmoo, you gotta be more careful. Yesterday you lost the lunch money I gave you for square pizza day.
Adam: Forgetful me.
Beverly: And the day before that you got your underpants caught in your locker, and they got wedged way up in the crack of your little tushie.
Erica: Ew, stop. Clearly, someone's picking on the kid.

Quote from Barry

Barry: That's just the beginning, 'cause I also mapped out the next 12 months of our lives.
Naked Rob: Wait, 12 months? Won't we all be in college then?
Barry: Welcome to our futures. We're gonna visit each other every weekend, and, on Thursdays, we'll have a conference call from 7:00 p.m. 'til question mark.
Andy: Bro, I totally want to hang out next year, too, but this feels very intense.
Barry: Then hold onto your tiny, flea-sized hat, Andy! 'Cause I also mapped out the next 12 years.

Quote from Barry

Barry: Behold the next 12 decades. First, we'll all find wives, get married in a five-way wedding, and each have four kids. Except for Naked Rob, because he doesn't have parental instincts, but will be the cool uncle to our lousy rugrats.
Naked Rob: I do have an uncle vibe, but you can't map out our whole lives.
Andy: Yeah, I don't think my future wife is gonna like any of this.
Barry: You can tell that nasal-voiced nag to put a sock in it, Andrew!

Quote from Barry

Barry: You don't get it. If we don't do this, the next time we see each other will be in a mall parking lot 10 years from now.
Matt: Look, Bar, we appreciate all your unnecessary energy, but we can't commit to the next 12 decades, so, hasta luego?
Barry: Don't you dare swear at me, Matt Bradley!

Quote from Barry

Barry: Stop! Stop beat boxing, JTP. I've figured out how we'll stay friends forever.
Naked Rob: Oh, God, not another plan.
Barry: Trust me. This one is so good, even Andy's future joyless nag of a wife can get behind it. I realize there's only one logical way to guarantee we see each other all the time when we're all grown up. Liberty Seats at Veterans Stadium.
Matt: Liberty what?
Barry: An elite ticket membership giving us access to not one, not two, but 300 nights of entertainment a year! These seats offer everything! The Eagles! Phillies! That sport you play on ice with the broom! Strange religious events! Local graduation ceremonies. The Kensington Dog Show. Michael Jackson, Jackson Browne, James Brown, James Taylor, and Taylor Dayne, all for the low price of 10 grand apiece.

Quote from Barry

Matt: Look, we don't know what's gonna happen after high school, but that doesn't mean we're gonna stop being friends.
Barry: You guys don't get it! My dad had his own JTP, and now, if they're lucky, they only see each other every 10 years!
Geoff: Bar, just because they don't see each other, doesn't mean we won't.
Barry: But their group was just like ours. First off, there's five of them.
Geoff: Whoa, that is just like us.
Barry: They called themselves The Jokers.
Andy: JTP also starts with a J!
Barry: Each of them had nicknames based in truth! One of 'em was called Tall Jake 'cause he was tall.
Naked Rob: I'm Naked Rob and I like to get naked!
Barry: And the similarities stop there.

Quote from Adam

Johnny Atkins: Dude! You're starting your own club based on the movie I introduced you to? This betrayal will not stand! My Highlander Club challenges yours to a battle!
Adam: We have no club! Mr. Crosby specifically said there can be only one!
Mr. Crosby: Actually, this challenge makes sense. Like the epic conflict between Connor MacLeod and the fearsome but misunderstood Kurgan, you must both fight for "the prize." You will fight only in the shadows, never in woodshop! Consider this holy ground because I don't want you touching my stuff. If a sword touches your neck or your lower head, you are out. The last one standing earns the right to lead his own Highlander Club.
Adam: Or, maybe there can be two?
Mr. Crosby: Nope, there can be only one! Highlander Club.

Quote from Murray

Naked Rob: Don't you want to do this more?
Matt: Yeah, maybe you guys should start a bowling team.
Murray: Why do any of you care what I do?
Geoff: Or a weekly barbecue.
Murray: Who are you? Who is this moron?
Geoff: Geoff Schwartz. You know my parents. I'm dating your daughter.

Quote from Erica

Adam: Erica, wake up! It's the middle of the day! We need you!
Erica: Leave me alone. It's Sunday.
Adam: It's Thursday.
Erica: Ooh, I missed a job interview this morning. Guess the universe doesn't want me to be a sandwich artist.

Quote from Adam

Adam: No! My groggy sister may have no purpose or prospects, but she's right. We have to fight back 'cause we have something that Johnny Atkins and his crew don't have.
Dave Kim: All their baby teeth?
Adam: No.
Dave Sirota: A crush on their cousin?
Adam: No!
Dave Kim: Their very own fern?
Adam: No!
Beverly: A mama who will fix it?
Adam: No! We are all skilled with the blade. I myself have a lifetime of training with a lightsaber.
Beverly: You also have a mama who will fix it.

Quote from Adam

Adam: Mikey, Sirota, you both learned a ton of stage combat when you played Tybalt and Mercutio in "Romeo and Juliet," right?
Mikey: Yeah.
Dave Sirota: True.
Adam: And, Dan, your malnourished body has less surface area to poke and stab.
Dan: My pediatrician is concerned.
Adam: Dave Kim, your turtleneck protects your neck and extremities in a way no one can penetrate!
Dave Kim: That's neither true nor a skill, but your confidence has me amped!

Quote from Murray

Barry: I thought you said you were good for another 10 years?
Murray: Well, I had such a great time the other night that I wanted to see them again. You happy?
Barry: Doesn't mean the JTP won't drift apart like you guys did.
Murray: No, no, no. You guys won't because you have the one thing that we never had. You. You care so much about your friends that you got me back together with mine. Everyone needs a friend like you, moron.
Barry: Thanks, Dad.
Murray: Thank you.

Quote from Barry

Barry: Hey. I got you a little something.
Andy: What is all this?
Barry: I know it's not realistic to map out the next 120 years, but I can at least reserve eight days a year.
Naked Rob: That sounds doable.
Barry: Good. 'Cause I'm gonna work my ass off as a doctor so I can buy five season tickets to the Eagles games for the rest of our lives.
Matt: Dude, are you serious?
Barry: JTP forever.
All: JTP forever.
Barry: Andy, your hand's so small.


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