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43Quotes from ‘The Day After the Day After’

The Goldbergs: The Day After the Day After

422. The Day After the Day After

Aired May 3, 2017

When Adam is invited to spend the weekend with Jackie at the beach and Erica is accepted to college in Georgia, they both try to manipulate Beverly on Mother's Day. Meanwhile, Barry is freaked out by the apocalyptic movie "The Day After".

Quote from Coach Mellor

Mr. Glascott: Okay, everyone, welcome to "The Day After" emergency assembly. First of all, I just want to assure you that everything is gonna be okay.
Coach Mellor: It will not be okay! There's nowhere to hide in a nuclear winter!
Mr. Glascott: Whoa. (chuckles) What Coach means is that there could be a nuclear winter, but it definitely won't happen.
Coach Mellor: Till it does.
Mr. Glascott: Does not, because it was just a movie.
Coach Mellor: That will, for sure, come true.
Mr. Glascott: Look, I know a lot of you are scared that the President is gonna snap, push a button, and incinerate us all, but I assure you, it will not happen.
Coach Mellor: When it does, I'll be safe and snug in my fallout shelter while the rest of you mutants scrounge for cockroaches.

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Quote from Mr. Glascott

Coach Mellor: What, you got no argument for that one?
Mr. Glascott: No, you're right. That movie has shaken me to my core. I have so many regrets.
Coach Mellor: You got about a week to fix 'em, Andre.
Mr. Glascott: Well, let's start with that one right there. My name is not Andre. I only said it was in college to make myself seem more interesting to the ladies.
Coach Mellor: Let it out.
Mr. Glascott: My name is Jonathan. And I love you, Lunch Lady Bernice! Are you out there? You're probably mashing potatoes.

Quote from Barry

Murray: I told you you're not building a dopey bunker in the basement.
Barry: Thank you for keeping an open mind. I will also need money for the following items. "700 pounds of poured concrete, lifetime supply of potatoes, seven bottles of ketchup for the potatoes"
Murray: There's one in the fridge. Just take that and go.
Barry: There's more. We need, "a chicken, a cage for the chicken, medicine for the chicken, a chicken exercise-wheel, a lady chicken to keep the other chicken company."
Murray: Please stop asking me to build a life for this chicken!

Quote from Barry

Barry: I know you're all worried about a nuclear apocalypse after seeing that scary movie on TV, but I want you to know everything will be okay. I call it Barry's Bunker. Sadly, there's limited room in the bunker, so some of you will be left outside to melt or be eaten by post-apocalyptic zombies.
Lainey: So, who goes and who stays?
Barry: Obviously, you're in, 'cause you're my foxy lady, but the rest of you much prove your worth. Geoff Schwartz, what skills do you have?
Geoff: I know which berries are poisonous, 'cause I once ate some bad ones.
Barry: Super useful. Next, Naked Rob. What skills do you have? And don't say "being naked."
Naked Rob: Come back to me.
Barry: Andy, clearly you're in, 'cause you have tiny little fingers that are perfect for shelling nuts. Plus, you can sleep in a drawer.
Andy: Very insulted, but it's more important to live.
Barry: Matt Bradley, looks like you're in serious trouble here.
Matt: I was an Eagle Scout and a lifeguard, and I learned how to frame a house when I did Habitat for Humanity.
Barry: Fine, I guess you could cook or something.

Quote from Barry

Barry: Don't worry, guys. We won't have to deal with this joker when we're in our titanium-reinforced bunker.
Murray: You do know I raised myself since I was six, so if there's an end-of-the-world situation, you'd want me there real bad.
Barry: Yelling at a sandwich for having too much mustard on it is not a skill.
Murray: Well, I can repair a radio, rebuild an engine, swing a hammer, catch a fish, start a fire with small sticks. What can you do?
Barry: I can basically do anything. I can break-dance, kick a light switch on and off, use a hockey stick as an old-timey cane.
Lainey: Sweetie, those aren't really survival skills as much as they are adorable things I love about you.
Barry: Whatever. I'm your leader. That's my skill.

Quote from Murray

Geoff: It kind of seems like your dad's our leader, 'cause he's the oldest and wisest and actually knows how to survive.
Andy: It's settled. Your dad will keep us safe when the mutant zombies attack.
Murray: Okay.

Quote from Pops

Pops: Did he say yes to the bunker?
Murray: I said no!
Pops: Did you tell him about the chicken?
Murray: I don't wanna hear about the chicken!
Pops: The chicken's the whole thing!
Murray: He doesn't care about the chicken!
Pops: Murray, just buy the boy a chicken.
Murray: No chicken!

Quote from Adam

Beverly: Oh, look at my special calendar hanging in a high-traffic area. How'd that get there?
Adam: That's odd. Didn't notice.
Beverly: You wanna take a peek, see if there's any special day in May that you need to remember?
Erica: Nah, I got Cinco de Mayo on lock.
Barry: I think she's talking about French Labor Day.
Adam: No, it's "Star Wars" Day! May the 4th be with you, right?
Erica: How could I forget.
Barry: That's right. I gotta go shopping.
Erica: I love "Star Wars" Day.

Quote from Naked Rob

Murray: What are you dummies going on about?
Matt: Tonight, they're airing a gnarly made-for-TV movie called "The Day After," where America's in a nuclear war with Russia.
Geoff: Ka-boom!
Andy: America!
Naked Rob: Jason Robards, y'all!
Barry: All of the teachers at school warned us not to see it, so we have to watch it to send a clear message of "Suck it."

Quote from Barry

Murray: If I say yes, will you shut up?
Barry: This is gonna rock!
Adult Adam: [v.o.] But it did not rock. Not at all.
Barry: This does not rock. Not at all.

Quote from Murray

Murray: I like that Steve Guttenberg. He's got a lot of range.
Barry: Dad, don't you care about what you just saw? There could be a mushroom cloud outside our window at any moment.
Murray: I say, "Bring on the cloud," 'cause then maybe you'll shut up and I can get back to watching my shows.

Quote from Mr. Glascott

Mr. Glascott: Okay, students, even though we warned you all not to watch that terrifying TV movie, apparently everyone in this school did, as well as 100 million other people. Therefore, we are going to have an emergency meeting entitled "The Day After 'The Day After.'"
Coach Mellor: Of course, the gym is booked, so it'll be "The Day After The Day After 'The Day After.'"
Mr. Glascott: So, Wednesday.

Quote from Erica

Erica: Well, you're just gonna have to back down. Your dumb thing is way less important than college.
Adam: But when will I have the chance to rub cocoa butter on my lady's shoulders again?
Erica: Honestly, I can't imagine you ever will.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Emory may be a thousand miles away, but with the love of my children and 20 flights a year, we will manage. I'm gonna get my pilot's license.

Quote from Adam

Beverly: Whatcha up to, schmoopa-lumpa?
Adam: Oh, I'm just finishing up a little goodbye video for Erica.
Beverly: Aww. It's a little early for goodbyes, wouldn't you say?
Adam: Well, before you know it, she'll be gone to college and only coming home on holidays.
Beverly: I guess that's true.
Adam: And then, junior year, she'll fall for a handsome Southern fella and get married, and then she'll see his family for the holidays.
Beverly: But then I won't see her at all.
Adam: Well, she'll come home occasionally. Until she has kids and then travel gets too hard with the twins.
Beverly: Well, the twins are as much mine as they are hers. She's gotta visit!
Adam: She has no time. The twins are in school, and Erica got a job working the front office there and it's way too consuming. Anyhow, let's watch that movie.

Quote from Pops

Barry: Pops, we need to talk. As you can see, I've been hard at work on the chalkboard.
Pops: Okay, why are people always dragging chalkboards around this house?

Quote from Pops

Barry: There has been a great betrayal, and I find myself bunkerless.
Pops: Just get to the chalkboard.
Barry: I've created a list of my greatest assets. Do you think they'll help me survive when this world turns into a radiated, barren wasteland?
Pops: Is this about that terrifying "Day After" movie? Woof, that gave me the willies.

Quote from Pops

Barry: No! You're supposed to be my wise and reassuring grandfather that tells me everything's gonna be okay.
Pops: I'd like to, Bar, but look at this list. You don't have a single useful skill, and I'm old! We'll be the first to go when the end comes.
Barry: That's not comforting.
Pops: Tell me about it.

Quote from Adam

Erica: I hope it was worth it, because you just lost a sister. [smashing Adam's food]
Adam: My Teddy Grahams!
Jackie: What was that?
Adam: They're little graham-cracker cookies shaped like teddy bears.
Jackie: No, I know what Teddy Grahams are, Adam.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: You grew up so fast.
Erica: Yeah, but I'll always be your little girl.
Beverly: I know, and I'll always be your mama, no matter where you are, even if it's Georgia.
Erica: Georgia? You mean?
Beverly: It's like I say. With the love of my children and 50 flights a year, we'll manage.
Erica: You said 20 flights.
Beverly: We'll figure it out.


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