Jonah: Okay, let's do this. Let's rumble. Oh. [grunts]
Cheyenne: Why are you stretching your legs?
Jonah: That's where the power comes from.

Jonah: Guys, Rooney Mara's family owns two NFL teams. She was born on third base.
Dina: That's baseball.
Jonah: I know sports!

Jonah & Kelly: [sing over P.A. to tune of "I Think We're Alone Now"] ♪ Swiss cheese is on sale now ♪ ♪ On sale now ♪ ♪ Better get it fast ♪ ♪ 'Cause it will sell o-out ♪

Jonah: [Southern accent] Howdy. I'm Colt McCann. Down here abouts from, uh... Burlington, Vermont. That's weird.

Robin: I'm saying if you are dating the boss, well then that explains why you're so anti-labor.
Jonah: No! That has nothing to do-
Cheyenne: Yeah, you can't be pro-labor when you're having sex with the boss all the time.
All: Oh!
Jonah: Guys, I'm not anti-labor, okay? I'm just saying... retail is dying. And we're already being replaced by machines that can do our jobs better and faster than us. And- And most of us have no education, no skills, and are just generally terrible. [to Marcus] No offense. [to group] So maybe we should just be happy with what we've got. You know? Because for most of us... this is as good as it's ever gonna get. [silence] That said, I'm generally pro-labor.

Amy: Dick. Pretending like corporate didn't send ICE in here.
Jonah: Yeah, but well played with the anti-union stuff. You're like a double agent. My own Elizabeth Jennings.
Amy: Is that from The Americans?
Jonah: Yeah, it's so good. You should just...
Amy: I'm not gonna watch it.
Jonah: Just...

Jonah: Sorry about the long bathroom break. I opened the Harper's app and you know how that story ends.

Garrett: Well, if it bothers you, I'm sure you could find somebody else to contact at Zephra.
Jonah: Yeah, you know, do a little research. Find out who the new Gary is.
Glenn: I guess. But if they think they're gonna improve on Gary, they're nuts. The man was perfect. 5'9", brown hair, you name it.
Jonah: That does sound perfect.
Garrett: You're 5'8".
Jonah: Same difference.

Jonah: Say one too many things about tahini, and you're just thrown back here like you're nothing. This wouldn't be happening if the customers could see my whole face, you know? The top half raises questions, but the bottom half answers them all.

Jonah: They switched us over to CCDs. Here, look. You have to press these two buttons at the same time, and you've gotta get it closer than you did with the lasers.
Amy: Got it. Thank you for the pro tip.
Jonah: [bad New York accent] You know, it's always nice when a, uh, working stiff like me can help out a fancy dame, you know?
Amy: You know, I still have no idea what that accent is, and I think it's gotten worse.
Jonah: Oh, oh, come on, now. I'm a little rusty, you know? I haven't done it in a New York minute.
Amy: Maybe the accent goes away with the store.