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Customer Satisfaction

‘Customer Satisfaction’

Season 6, Episode 12 -  Aired March 11, 2021

When Jeff returns to the store as the new district manager, he tells the Cloud 9 staff to push customers to fill in the satisfaction surveys. As Glenn and Dina devise a way to improve the store's ratings, Cheyenne removes some workers, including Jonah, from customer-facing roles.

Quote from Jeff

Jeff: Okay, well, Zephra's looking at the scores and the comments, so it's important that you get positive feedback. Especially this store.
Dina: What's that supposed to mean?
Jeff: There's been some chatter that 1217 is a "problem child" store.
Glenn: What?
Jeff: I mean, you did damage the store's servers, there's the raccoon infestation, there's Carol's lawsuit, not to mention the multiple attempts at unionizing.
Dina: Well, yeah, of course it's gonna sound bad when you just rattle them off in a row like that. But if you interspersed them with good things we've done or just, you know, random trivia...


Quote from Jonah

Jonah: The key is a personal connection. Customers eat that up, especially moms. You guys get a mom, you send her my way. I'm gonna get you that positive feedback, guaranteed.
Mateo: Ew. You're gonna sleep with all the moms to get a good survey?
Jonah: No! What?
Glenn: Jonah, please. Let's keep it clean.
Dina: Glenn, we actually legally can't tell Jonah who not to sleep with, so if you're gonna have sex with the moms, just do it on your break.
Jonah: I'm not... F- Fine.

Quote from Cheyenne

Dina: Cheyenne, you can monitor the surveys on the app. If one of our people gets even one bad review, I want you to pull them off the floor as fast as you can.
Cheyenne: And shave them?
Dina: What?
Cheyenne: Like shave their head to shame them so they know they did something bad?
Dina: No, just reassign them to the back.
Cheyenne: Oh, okay. Yeah, sorry. It just wasn't clear.

Quote from Sandra

Sandra: How do we get positive feedback? Because after church and the bus, this is the place I get yelled at the most.

Quote from Mateo

Mateo: So we haven't set a specific timeline on getting engaged, but it's probably gonna happen pretty soon.
Garrett: I feel like you only asked me how I'm doing so you can talk about your thing, but cool.
Mateo: I just always pictured us walking by a street performer, and they'd stop us and say, "You guys are the most beautiful couple I've ever seen. Can I play for you?" And we'd be like, "Oh, my God. Are you Michael Bublé?" And then, he'd play while I got down on one knee and... [clicks tongue] But you know, with COVID...
Garrett: Yeah, I bet Bublé is bummed he can't be a part of that.

Quote from Jonah

Jonah: Say one too many things about tahini, and you're just thrown back here like you're nothing. This wouldn't be happening if the customers could see my whole face, you know? The top half raises questions, but the bottom half answers them all.

Quote from Sandra

Sandra: Hey, don't get down on yourself. So we got put in the back. It doesn't mean we're worthless.
Jonah: No, I know. You're right. I just...
Sandra: It just means we're back of house people. Strong, silent, shadow people. The rejects. The freaks.
Jonah: Well, I wouldn't say freaks specifically...
Sandra: [sings] ♪ He's a super freak ♪ Super freak, he's super freaky ♪
Jonah: Thank you.
Sandra: ♪ Do, do-do-do, do-do, do-do ♪
Jonah: Okay. Yeah. No, I know the song.

Quote from Dina

Jeff: Now, while I'm here, I wanna make sure we're pushing our shoppers to fill out their customer satisfaction surveys.
Sandra: Sorry, what surveys?
Jeff: The... link at the bottom of every receipt?
Cheyenne: Huh. Is that new?
Jeff: No. Been there for years.
Dina: Nobody bothers with the surveys. People only use receipts to spit out gum and for murder alibis.

Quote from Marcus

Marcus: Oh, sorry. Bathroom's closed. But you're gonna love the employee bathroom. Come on. I'll show ya. I gotta dump one out too. [clicks tongue]

Quote from Jeff

Jeff: What the [bleep]? Are you [bleep] kidding me? I mean, what the [bleep] is wrong with this [bleep] store?
Glenn: Oh, my God. What happened here? Jeff, did you do this?

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