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Season 6, Episode 9 -  Aired February 11, 2021

After Zephra bans the use of the phrase "Have a heavenly day", Glenn falls down a conspiracy theory rabbit hole with Sandra and Marcus. Meanwhile, Cheyenne and Mateo continue their feud, while Jonah is upset that Garrett doesn't remember one of their fights.

Quote from Glenn

Glenn: I'm sorry. Just... I started doing some research, and I came across this article, "The Truth About Zephra." I think there's some fishy business going on.
Dina: Oh, like tax evasion, offshore banking? What are we talking here?
Glenn: You know how everyone's pushing this 5G? Well, turns out 5 is the worst of the Gs. They say that it hits your brain at a certain frequency that lets them control human behavior.
Dina: You think Zephra's involved in mind control? Okay, that's enough screen time for you.
Glenn: No, it's not that I believe in mind control, but they are trying to control how we greet customers.
Dina: Glenn, enough. This is why old people shouldn't be allowed on the Internet.


Quote from Cheyenne

Mateo: What if we had a big public blowout, you know, and we dropped some major bombs?
Cheyenne: Okay, yeah, what if you come at me like, "I know what you did!"
Mateo: Okay. And then you'd be like, "And I know you were only friends with me to get close to Bo because you're in love with him." [Cheyenne gasps] Do you see how I moved the story forward?
Cheyenne: Mm-hmm.
Mateo: Yours was just like attitude, which is fine.
Cheyenne: Yeah, ooh, and then it could come out that you're Harmonica's real father.
Mateo: So her parents are me and Bo?
Cheyenne: Yeah, imagine how pissed I'd be.
Mateo: Let's not commit to anything just yet, but we should definitely jot some ideas down.

Quote from Dina

Glenn: Hey, Dina, we got a problem at the registers. They're not accepting coupons.
Dina: Didn't you get that email? We're only accepting digital coupons now.
Glenn: What?
Dina: Zephra's just updating things a little.
Glenn: It seems crazy to change something that's working.
Dina: The horse and buggy was working. It seemed crazy to stop using that, but then they developed the car, and... Well, that destroyed the planet. That's a bad example.

Quote from Mateo

Mateo: Oh, hey, skank. Why are you stocking? Did you finally get demoted?
Cheyenne: No, I'm covering for Sarah. Nina texted Sayid that she had HPV the whole time they were dating, so a bunch of people took him out for ice cream.
Mateo: Mm, he's so lucky.
Cheyenne: I know. I don't get it. I mean, we're, like, way more interesting than some dumped guy.
Mateo: Well, I am. But you're like an Iggy Azalea wannabe five years too late. [Cheyenne scoffs] Okay, that just felt like nothing.
Cheyenne: Yeah, it's not as fun without anyone watching.
Mateo: Right?

Quote from Sandra

Sandra: Marcus told me all about it 'cause of this weird thing that's been happening. Like, I've been shopping online for a new mouthwash. Then I came to work, and I got a notification on my phone with a digital coupon for SuperCloud mouthwash.
Glenn: Wait. So that's what the digital coupons are about?
Sandra: Yep, then after I used that one, they sent me more coupons, so I kept buying the mouthwash just like they wanted me to.

Quote from Mateo

Dina: Now, we've noticed some of your masks are getting dingy. Cheyenne will be handing out new protective equipment.
Mateo: Based on her history, I wouldn't trust Cheyenne with protection.
All: Oh!
Sandra: Damn.
Cheyenne: I may be a teen mom, but at least I don't look like someone put a Pixar character into a microwave.
All: Oh! [laughter]
Mateo: Well, you'd be DreamWorks, bitch.
All: Oh!
Justine: Savage.
Garrett: Please stop.

Quote from Jonah

Garrett: Well, if it bothers you, I'm sure you could find somebody else to contact at Zephra.
Jonah: Yeah, you know, do a little research. Find out who the new Gary is.
Glenn: I guess. But if they think they're gonna improve on Gary, they're nuts. The man was perfect. 5'9", brown hair, you name it.
Jonah: That does sound perfect.
Garrett: You're 5'8".
Jonah: Same difference.

Quote from Marcus

Marcus: Okay, okay. "Leading scientist admits Earth is flat." Right there on Refute that. I dare you.

Quote from Garrett

Garrett: [over PA] Also all noise-canceling headphones are on sale. Protect your ears from Mateo's screechy, tone-deaf, Celine wannabe...
Jonah: Um... Uh, I think Cheyenne might've slipped another one in there.
Garrett: Yep, yep, I just kind of go to autopilot on these. Sorry, guys, not a real announcement. Employee beef.

Quote from Marcus

Sandra: Hey, Marcus, can you tell Glenn what you told me about Zephra?
Marcus: [laughs] What? I didn't say anything about Zephra, and if you heard something, it definitely wasn't from me, Marcus White. [rock music plays] Now, about Zephra. What were you thinking? Um. Who do you think is the one... Hold on, sorry. [music stops] It's actually super distracting. We'll just talk quietly.
Glenn: Okay, so I read something online about how Zephra is trying to control our minds.
Marcus: It's all true, and there's videos to prove it. Just Google "Zephra mind control guy goes nuts at Red Lobster."

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