Season 4, Episode 3 - Aired October 18, 2018
After Amy and Jonah are caught driving to work together, they start bickering on the shop floor so their colleagues won't suspect they're in a relationship. Meanwhile, Cheyenne tries to figure out the optimal carpooling routine for the staff, and Kelly asks to be transferred to another store.
Quote from Dina
Jonah: Oh, great, working next to Amy. I can't wait to be scowled at.
Dina: No! You do not talk to my best friend that way.
Amy: No, Dina-
Dina: Butt out, Amy. Listen to me, you rejected American Girl doll. You think you're so great? Your boyish good looks aren't gonna age well. You're hitting a wall, pretty boy, at a hundred miles an hour. Yeah, you can already see it. The crow's feet, receding hairline, hunchback. To think I used to masturbate to you.
Dina: Multiple times a day.
Quote from Dina
Glenn: It must be my fault. It's like they say, the fish rots from the head.
Dina: What are you talking about?
Glenn: It's the expression. Fish rots from the head.
Dina: I've never heard of that. Why would it rot from the head first? It would all rot simultaneously.
Glenn: The point is, if things are toxic here, it's my job to fix it.
Dina: If anything, the guts would rot first, they're full of feces. Where are you getting this head thing? I mean, whoever told you that was not an ichthyologist.
Glenn: I don't care how a fish rots.
Dina: Well, I don't care for you spreading lies about fish.
Glenn: How is that a lie?
Quote from Janet
Cheyenne: For each day of the week, each route has three variations one primary and two alternates based on shifts and road closures. Now, if you're that week's ride captain, it's your responsibility to delegate and sub-delegate-
Janet: I'm sorry, I don't want to carpool.
Cheyenne: Well, why wouldn't you-
Janet: My drive is my only "me time". And I don't want to clean my car.
Quote from Sandra
Dina: I don't understand how this is helping.
Glenn: I don't even know anymore.
Carol: Oh, wait, wait, wait. Who is this? I'm Sandra, and I'm a dirty slut who goes around stealing other people's boyfriends.
Sandra: Oh, yeah? Well, who is this? I'm Carol, I'm a jealous psycho stalker who can't take the fact that Jerry chose Sandra over me. And now they're moving in together, and they're gonna be so happy. And I'll be alone. Which is sad. Because maybe I was happy with Jerry. But Sandra didn't care about my feelings. She just took what she wanted. Which people have always done to her. Maybe I only seem crazy because I'm lonely. Just a person who had love, and now it's gone.
Glenn: Wow, Sandra. That was- good breakthrough.
Dina: Yeah, but that didn't solve anything.
Glenn: It's not about solving. It's about communication and empathy.
Quote from Cheyenne
Cheyenne: What's going on?
Amy: Maybe we should get inside?
Dina: Amy and Jonah are carpooling.
Justine: Oh! I'm in. Carpool karaoke.
Dina: What's carpool karaoke?
Cheyenne: You know how people like to sing in the car? That.
Quote from Sayid
Amy: Well, that settles that. Dina, you're blocking my door.
Dina: Hey, Sayeed! Amy and Jonah are carpooling!
Sayid: Whoo! Carpool Karaoke!
Justine: That's what I said! [laughs]
Dina: That's what she said!
Amy: That's wild.
Quote from Garrett
Garrett: Why don't you just tell everybody you're dating? This is the most boring secret I've ever had to live with.
Jonah: We don't need everybody in our business, okay? This place loves gossip.
Garrett: Well, at least get better about hiding it.
Amy: What are you talking about? We're not acting different around each other.
Garrett: I mean, it's obvious to me, but I'm more perceptive than most. Most people didn't even notice that Henry and Jay have been hooking up. I mean, it seems obvious to me.
Quote from Glenn
Kelly: There's an opening at the Fenton's store, and they said that I could transfer. You just need to sign this form.
Glenn: Wait, is this about Jonah? Because I can make him take you back, okay? Yeah, I'm his boss. He's gotta do what I say.
Kelly: That's so generous of you to offer to force someone to be with me. Makes me feel really good about myself.
Glenn: It should.
Kelly: Uh, but no, this isn't about Jonah. I mean, the Fenton location is just a lot closer to my house.
Glenn: Well, if everyone only worked at places that were close to their house, then I'd only work at my neighbor's.
Kelly: Yeah, that's a good point.
Quote from Carol
Carol: Jerry! What are you doing here?
Sandra: Jerry and I are moving in together.
Carol: Oh. Wow. Congratulations, Sandra. Enjoy my HPV.
Jerry: Thank you.
Quote from Mateo
Mateo: So we would take it away from me?
Mateo: And give it to her.
Mateo: Love that, so much.
Mateo: Although I do wonder - devil's advocate - if it somehow cheapens the award by just handing it out to anyone, if that makes sense.
Kelly: Well, she's not just anyone. I mean, Kelly is wonderful.
Mateo: Oh! Absolutely. Without a doubt. Kelly's a delight. But at the same time, she's also, you know, terrible at the job.