Garrett: [over PA] Attention, Cloud 9 shoppers. Easter is upon us. So treat your kids to a Cloud 9 Easter basket, full of candy, toys and HDMI cables, because we had an overstock. Happy Easter.

Garrett: And it wasn't easy, but Mateo managed to teach those inner city kids how to express themselves, through the power of music.
Richard: Are you just telling me the plot to Sister Act 2?
Garrett: Back in the Habit, yes.
Amy: Which I heard is loosely based on Mateo's life. So that's wild.

Garrett: [over PA] Attention, Cloud 9 shoppers, this week, enjoy 20% off our nontoxic, organic cotton pillows. Also enjoy wondering what we put in the other pillows.

Amy: Garrett, finish the shift assignments. I love today. [exits]
Garrett: I mean, I could do the shift assignments, or I could finish eating my mac and cheese. I wonder what I'll do.

Garrett: [over PA] Attention, Cloud 9 shoppers, we'd like to welcome the members of our Second Chances Program in the gold T-shirts. If you'd prefer to work with someone who hasn't committed a violent crime, our red-shirted employees will be more than happy to help out. Yes, the Cloud 9 Second Chances Program... 'cause knowledge is worth 100 bucks.

Garrett: Trust me, you don't want the RX 5. The Vilano Forza's the way to go.
Man: The RX 5 got five spokes on RoadPro, and it's half the price.
Garrett: Mm, okay.
Man: What's that mean?
Garrett: [sighs] Look, man, I used to own the 5, okay? And it was good... till the pedals came loose when I was crossing a busy street. [gestures to his legs]
Man: Oh, I... Oh, I'm sorry.
Garrett: But, hey, you know what? I like to focus on the positive. I'll ring you up for the RX-5.
Man: Actually, let's go with the Vilano.
Garrett: [chuckles] Hell, yeah! And let's get you one of these fancy racer helmets too. "I wish I had a better helmet" was my first full sentence when they taught me how to speak again.

Garrett: [to a customer] "I wish I would've bought a Vitamix" was the first thing I said when I woke up from my coma. Could save your life, man.
Jonah: How exactly did a non Vitamix blender put you in a coma?
Garrett: That's a very offensive question to ask a disabled person.

Amy: Look, guys, we just need to be on top of our game today, you know? Remember that day six months ago where nothing went wrong? Let's do that today.
Garrett: March 14th cannot be manufactured. That's what makes March 14th beautiful.
Amy: Okay, well, let's just be on our game, okay?
Jonah: Okay, you got it.
Garrett: [over PA] Attention Cloud 9 shoppers, beef products from Cloud 9 Ranch are now 80% off, but maybe ask yourself why we would do that. [quietly] You mean like that?

Jonah: Okay, look, I'm not... I'm not, like, against weapons as a whole. I fenced in college, but there's...
Garrett: [laughs] Okay.
Jonah: What? What are you doing?
Garrett: Oh, I'm keeping a list of all the crazy white-person stuff you say. Oh, fencing, that's definitely going on there.
Jonah: What else is on there?
Garrett: Oh, it's long. I got wearing boat shoes, BBC America, makes his own trail mix...
Jonah: You love my trail mix.

Dina: The test will detect any drugs in your system. We're talking marijuana, cocaine, heroin, methamphetamines.
Garrett: What about power pellets?
Dina: Ah... I don't see that. What are they?
Garrett: Oh, you just take some big boppers, you cut in some fetty wap, you put a little disco shake on there, and then you roll that up in some Doc McStuffins. Smoke it. Get real high.