Garrett: [over PA] Attention Cloud 9 shoppers, Election Day is here, and we're offering up big discounts on all American-made products. So that's 40% off your generic medications, inferior electronics, and cheese curls.

Garrett: [over PA] Attention, Cloud 9 shoppers. Apparently Black Friday has begun. From all of us here at Cloud 9, have a great Purge.

Garrett: [over PA] And then Jenny dies of what is implied to be AIDS. But we don't know. And he puts Haley Joel Osment on a bus, and guess what? Same bus driver from the beginning.
Dina: What are you still doing here? You're supposed to be on the register.
Garrett: You said I could finish the announcement.
Dina: Yeah, that was ten minutes ago.
Garrett: It's a very long announcement. Next up, Apollo 13.
Dina: I see what you're doing here.
Garrett: In this film, Tom Hanks is a spaceman whose life is saved by a bunch of nerds.

Dina: All right, I'm calling it. Time of death, 11:13 p.m. Just let it all burn.
Garrett: Wait, we're just gonna leave?
Cheyenne: It was your idea to bail.
Garrett: Yeah, I suggest that every Friday. Even you, Dina? You said you'd never give up.
Dina: I also said I'd never vomit on a toddler's head. Lot of firsts today.
Garrett: Hold up. Wait. Yo, I don't like working here.
Amy: Okay.
Garrett: But it's my job. I do the bare minimum, but I don't do less than that. And I'm not about to let a bunch of deal-hungry rubes trash our store and make me feel bad for Dina, which I did not think was possible. So I'ma get out there, and I'ma finish my shift. And yeah, I'ma cut corners, and I'ma phone it in, but it'll never be said that Garrett McNeill did not do just enough to not get fired.

Garrett: [over PA] Attention Cloud 9 shoppers. We do apologise for the heat in the store today. The temperature is controlled by Corporate, and we are working on it. And though I am thankful for all of you who have taken the time to tell me that it is hot in here, the next person who does, I'ma have to murder. That is all.

Amy: Seriously? This is your reaction? Jeff is cheating on Sandra with Mateo. What do I do? Do I... do I... do I talk to her? Do I confront him?
Garrett: Okay, here's what you do. Nothing.
Amy: What? Come on.
Garrett: Look, you don't know the situation. This is like Jurassic Park. You start messing around with something you don't know anything about, and before you know it, you're getting bit in half while you're sitting on the toilet.
Cheyenne: It's true, Amy. That's what happens.

Amy: Okay, I can fix this. I just need to gather everybody who knows, and then tell them.
Garrett: Why aren't you listening to me? Just do nothing. It is the easiest advice to take. I do it, and I am thriving.
Cheyenne: Man, that is true. He's killing it.
Garrett: Killing it.

Garrett: [over PA] Attention, shoppers, Cloud 9 is not offering breast exams as part of our Wellness Fair. We have not hired someone to do that, and if we had, it would not be a teenage boy in a Twenty One Pilots T-shirt. Shop safe.

Garrett: Look, I know how much you want the award.
Glenn: Whoa! That's quite a leap.
Garrett: Well, on the off chance that I'm right, why don't we do this? [over PA] Attention, Cloud 9 employees, do not recommend me for the Integrity Award. If you would like to reward me for rescuing a dog, feel free to bring baked goods by Customer Service, preferably homemade.
Glenn: Thank you.
Garrett: [over PA] And no lemon squares, or anything with oatmeal. Save that crap for somebody who did not rescue a dog.

Jonah: Okay, roomie.
Garrett: Oh. House rules. Do not touch my video game stuff. No talking during Game of Thrones. No cooking fish. And leave me out of your coffee-making process.
Jonah: I'll have to, because it's a French single press.
Garrett: I do not like fragrant soaps. On Wednesday, my Black friends come over, so do not be around. What else? Parking spots. You don't get one.