Garrett: [over PA] Attention, Cloud 9 shoppers, we'd like to welcome the members of our Second Chances Program in the gold T-shirts. If you'd prefer to work with someone who hasn't committed a violent crime, our red-shirted employees will be more than happy to help out. Yes, the Cloud 9 Second Chances Program... 'cause knowledge is worth 100 bucks.

Garrett: Trust me, you don't want the RX 5. The Vilano Forza's the way to go.
Man: The RX 5 got five spokes on RoadPro, and it's half the price.
Garrett: Mm, okay.
Man: What's that mean?
Garrett: [sighs] Look, man, I used to own the 5, okay? And it was good... till the pedals came loose when I was crossing a busy street. [gestures to his legs]
Man: Oh, I... Oh, I'm sorry.
Garrett: But, hey, you know what? I like to focus on the positive. I'll ring you up for the RX-5.
Man: Actually, let's go with the Vilano.
Garrett: [chuckles] Hell, yeah! And let's get you one of these fancy racer helmets too. "I wish I had a better helmet" was my first full sentence when they taught me how to speak again.

Garrett: [to a customer] "I wish I would've bought a Vitamix" was the first thing I said when I woke up from my coma. Could save your life, man.
Jonah: How exactly did a non Vitamix blender put you in a coma?
Garrett: That's a very offensive question to ask a disabled person.

Garrett: [to a customer] All right, now, when you check out, they're gonna ask you if you were helped by someone on the Red Team or the Gold Team. This next part's very important. I do not care.

Glenn: And then in blue icing, have it say, "Congratulations." Got that? No, not "Congratulations. Got that?" Just "Congratulations." No, I don't want you to write "Congratulations. Got that? No, not 'Congratulations. Got that?' Just 'Congratulations.'" What do I do here?
Dina: He doesn't know English. He's just transcribing phonetically.
Glenn: Well, what language does he speak?
Dina: You hired him. That's why, if it was up to me, I'd fire half the staff. No, don't put that on the cake.

Dina: [whimpers]
Cheyenne: Shh. It's gonna be okay.
Jonah: What happened?
Cheyenne: Jeremy died this morning.
Mateo: [gasps] No.
Amy: Jeremy died?
Jonah: Jer... the tall guy? He was so young.
Garrett: Oh, I called it. You can't be that tall and live.
Dina: No. Not stupid, tall Jeremy. I wish he'd die. My bird Jeremy. One day he was alive, and then the next... [sobs] [sighs] I had him since he was a little... [holding back sobs]
Cheyenne: Bird? Little bird? She was probably gonna say "little bird."

Cheyenne: I'm sure he's in a better place. Right, Mateo?
Mateo: Yeah, I bet he's in bird heaven.
Dina: You think so? But he was so violent.

Jonah: What's Color Wars?
Glenn: Two teams. One gold, one red. And whoever sells the most by the end of the day wins.
Dina: Please, I'm not in the mood.
Mateo: What do we win?
Glenn: Oh, this year the winning team gets... [imitates drum roll] A pizza party.
Amy: Sometimes I just want to get in my car and drive and drive, drive.

Glenn: Hey, Dina, what you doing over here in the bleachers? It's Color Wars.
Dina: Do birds go to Heaven?
Glenn: No, they don't have souls. They just become dirt.
Dina: Oh.
Glenn: Okay?

Amy: [to the gold team] Each member of the winning team takes home... $100.
Cheyenne: I could really use that money. I've been saving up for one of those 3D ultrasounds... You know, the one where the baby's all like...
Amy: And the best part is that the Red Team doesn't even know about the money. [Jonah raises his hand] Jonah?
Jonah: I'm sorry. Just... I don't... I-I am a little uncomfortable pushing people to buy things that they don't want or need. [all groan]
Amy: Seriously? Just stop it.
Cheyenne: I will kill myself before I go back to 2D ultrasound, okay? I will kill myself.
Jonah: Withdrawn.