Jonah: Look, all I'm saying is with a little effort it's not that hard to get people to like you.
Dina: I really don't care if people like me.
Jonah: Okay, but... don't you find it hard being a boss to people... that resent you? [employees snicker]
Dina: You do raise a good point.
Jonah: Yeah.
Dina: I watch a lot of Dog Whisperer DVDs and it's always easier to train a bitch who enjoys your scent.
Jonah: That's exactly what I meant.

Dina: [clears throat] "Dear everyone, from the bottom of my heart I'm sorry that you are mad at me. I only acted the way the way I did because I'm a very loyal person and I can't empathize with people who are self-centered traitors. If I could go back in time I would do the exact same thing. I consider this matter closed now." Huh?
Jonah: Great. Great, uh... lotta great stuff in there. I just have a few notes. Tiny stuff. Maybe it could be a little more personal.
Dina: Sounds great. Write it up.

Amy: Look, guys, we just need to be on top of our game today, you know? Remember that day six months ago where nothing went wrong? Let's do that today.
Garrett: March 14th cannot be manufactured. That's what makes March 14th beautiful.
Amy: Okay, well, let's just be on our game, okay?
Jonah: Okay, you got it.
Garrett: [over PA] Attention Cloud 9 shoppers, beef products from Cloud 9 Ranch are now 80% off, but maybe ask yourself why we would do that. [quietly] You mean like that?

Glenn: I'm the kind of hard-ass boss that corporate loves.
Jeff: Uh-huh.
Glenn: I-I don't allow any jiggerypokery or argle-bargle.
Jeff: Mm-hmm.
Janet: Glenn, can I go to the doctor? I've had a sharp pain in my lower right for days.
Glenn: There you go. Typical argle-bargle. Denied.
Jeff: Actually, that sounds like appendicitis. I think you should go to the hospital.
Janet: Thank you.
Glenn: I want to see that appendix on my desk tomorrow, young lady!

Jeff: Hey, everybody. Um, these are welcome back flowers.
Garrett: Oh.
Jeff: They gave me a packet of, uh, plant food for it, but I left it in the car. So if they die, I guess, just... throw them away. But, anyway... here.
Garrett: Cool.

Jeff: Sorry, here's what I'd like to do. I'd just like to take a walk around. Observe how things work. We'll meet later and discuss ways that we can all improve.
Amy: Oh, sorry, did you just say, "we can all improve"? 'Cause none of this happened because we weren't doing our jobs well.
Jeff: Sure, but... everything is a two-way street.
Amy: Yeah, but... some things are just... one-way streets.
Jonah: You need both, you know? One-way streets are useful in terms of traffic flow... [off Amy's look] whereas I lost track of the point I was trying to make.

Amy: Okay, we need to keep the line moving. We have a lot of hungry, angry people out there.
Marcus: Uh, you can just say "hangry" now. It's a new word. My friend's cousin made it up.

Amy: Laney, make sure Tate's not trying to sell our customers time shares. Todd, keep Sal at least 100 feet away from women's wear. And women in general, if possible. Why is nobody working the deli?
Marcus: Oh, right, Dom told me that he just really didn't feel like coming in today and that I should cover for him by telling you that... Wait, go back. Let me take that again. Dom told me to tell you that his pug, Elmo, fell into a sinkhole in the park.

Jonah: Hey. I've, uh... I've been there. Junior year of high school I lost all the proofs for lit mag and we had to stay up all night relaying it out. Everybody hated me. Especially Becca Fish... such a Goody Two-shoes, but I killed them with a little thing called kindness, and guess who became the next editor-in-chief. Well, co-editor.
Dina: Worst story I've ever heard.

Amy: This website says we have an hour to get you and the thumb to the hospital.
Marcus: What happens after an hour?
Amy: Um... nothing, it's just a good number to shoot for. Why are you limping?
Marcus: I stubbed my toe picking up the thumb. It really stings.