Ross: So without retesting their results in the laboratory, the team would never have identified the initial errors in their carbon dating analysis. Were there any questions at this point? Yes?
Student: What's happening to your accent?
Ross: [in a British accent] Come again? What's this nonsense? [laughs] All right. I'm not English. I'm from Long Island. I was really nervous, and the accent just came out. I'm sorry. So if we could just get back to the lecture. Um, were there any questions? About paleontology? All right, look, I was just trying to make a good first impression. Obviously, I screwed up. But what you guys think of me is really important because I'm hoping to get a permanent job here. So if you'd just give me another chance to make a good impression-
Rachel: Ross. Are you crazy? I am still your wife? What, were you just never gonna tell me? What the hell is wrong with you? Ugh, I could just kill you!
Ross: [in a British accent] Well, 'ello, Rachel!

Ross: Here we go. All right. Ready? Turn! Turn! Turn!
Chandler: I don't think we can turn any more!
Rachel: Ross, I just don't think it's going to fit.
Ross: Yeah, it will. Come on. Up, up, up! Up! Yes. Here we go. Pivot! Pivot! Pivot! Pivot! Pivot! Pivot!
Chandler: Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!

Ross: Danger! Danger!
Rachel: What the hell was that?
Ross: A lesson in the importance of unagi.
Phoebe: You're a freak!
Ross: Perhaps. Now, I'm curious. At what point during those girlish screams would you have begun to kick my ass?
Rachel: All right, so we weren't prepared.
Ross: I'm sorry I had to take such drastic measures to make my point, but I just want you guys to be safe.
[Monica opens the apartment door to take out the trash]
Ross: Danger! [Monica walks by unfazed] Ah, huh? Unagi.

Russell: Why don't you tell me what happened?
Ross: Basically, Rachel and I were in Vegas, and we got drunk.
Russell: I'm sorry, is this the same Rachel whose name you said at the altar in the second marriage?
Ross: Yes, yes, yes. But I do not love her.
Russell: Oh. That's better then.
Ross: This was just a drunken mistake, and I need to get it annulled.
Russell: I see. Have you considered therapy?
Ross: I think just the annulment for today.
Russell: There are a couple of forms to fill out.
Ross: Easy.
Russell: And we will need to have witnesses who can testify that you were not of sound mind.
Ross: No problem.
Russell: And we'll need you and Rachel to testify before a judge.
Ross: Ooh. There's no way to do this without her? Because I kind of already told her it was taken care of.
Russell: Of course you did. Look, Ross, you can't get an annulment unless you and Rachel are both there.
Ross: Uh-huh. What about someone who looks like Rachel? I will think about the therapy.

Ross: But I don't understand how any of this happened. What, did she find the ring in my jacket, assume I was gonna propose, throw it on and just start telling people?
Phoebe: No, no. She said you actually proposed to her.
Ross: Well, I didn't. I didn't propose. Unless... Did I? I haven't slept in 40 hours. And it does sound like something I would do.

Ross: Wait a minute, there's no light on the back wall. How do I know when it's gonna start? Hello? My eyes!
The same thing happened again!
Tanning Salon Guy: You got two more twos?
Ross: I'm an eight!

Donald: We want you to speak to a psychiatrist.
Ross: Oh, no. Uh, you don't understand. Uh, this is so silly. This is all just because of a sandwich.
Donald: A sandwich?
Ross: Yeah. You see, my sister makes these amazing turkey sandwiches. Her secret is, she puts an extra slice of gravy-soaked bread in the middle. I call it "The Moistmaker." Anyway, I put my sandwich in the fridge and-
Donald: Oh, you know what? I'm sorry. I believe I ate that.
Ross: You ate my sandwich?
Donald: It was a simple mistake. It can happen to anyone.
Ross: Oh- Oh, really? Did you confuse it with your own turkey sandwich with a Moistmaker?
Donald: No, I-
Ross: Do you, perhaps, remember seeing a note on top of it?
Donald: There may have been a joke or limerick of some kind.
Ross: That said it was my sandwich!
Donald: Now, now, calm down. Look in my office. Some of it may still be in the trash.
Ross: What?
Donald: Well, it was quite large. I had to throw most of it away.
Ross: You threw my sandwich away? My sandwich?! My sandwich?!

Ross: A new place for a new Ross. I'm going to have you and all the guys from work over, you know, once it's furnished.
Donald: I must say, it's nice to see you back on your feet.
Ross: Well, I am that. And that whole rage thing is definitely behind me.
Donald: I wonder if it's time for you to rejoin our museum team?
Ross: Oh, Donald, that would be great. I am totally ready to come back to work. I- [looks out the window] What? No! No! What are you doing? Get off my sister!

Russell: You got married again?
Ross: Yes.
Russell: So that's your second marriage in two years?
Ross: Yes. Second in two years. Third, overall.
Russell: Ross, I have been a divorce attorney for 23 years and never have I had so much business from one client.

Ross: I'm just saying. If you can't eat by yourself, how do you expect to have a baby by yourself?
Rachel: I can too eat by myself.
Ross: When have you ever?
Rachel: When certain people leave the table and I am not finished.
Ross: Well, certain other people take two hours to eat a bowl soup.
Rachel: Please, you inhale your food.
Ross: I grew up with Monica. If you didn't eat fast, you didn't eat!