Ross: I still don't know. I'm sorry, I just want to make sure I bought the right couch. I need a couch that says "Kids welcome here," but that also says "Come here to me."
Rachel: What? You say that to kids?
Ross: No, no, no. The "Come here to me" is, you know, for the ladies.
Rachel: Ross, honey, it's a nice couch, it's not a magic couch.

Rachel: Hey, Ross. I brought reinforcements.
Ross: Oh, great. You brought Joey?
Rachel: Well, I brought the next best thing.
Ross: Chandler? You brought Chandler? The next best thing would be Monica!
Chandler: You know, I would be offended, but Monica is freakishly strong, so.

Ross: I'd like to return this couch. I'm not satisfied with it.
Saleswoman: You wanna return this couch? It's cut in half.
Ross: That's what I'm telling you.
Saleswoman: Did you cut this couch in half?
Ross: This couch is cut in half. I would like to exchange it for one that is not cut in half.
Saleswoman: You're telling me this couch was delivered to you like this?
Ross: Look, I'm a reasonable man. I will accept store credit.
Saleswoman: I'll give you store credit in the amount of four dollars.
Ross: I will take it.