Kill Moves: So what kinds of things does your mother like?
Chris: I don't know, but if it was your mother, what would you get her?
Kill Moves: Diamonds and a White man.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Good choice.
Chris: Okay, I don't think we can buy that. But maybe chocolates?
Kill Moves: Oh, sounds good.

Kill Moves: That's my CIA card from the Bay of Pigs invasion. An address book. A piggy bank from the 1964 World's Fair.
Chris: Wait, what you just say?
Kill Moves: [loudly] A piggy bank from the 19...
Greg: No, no, you said this is an address book.
Chris: Mom. Kathleen Devereaux. 551 East 63 Street.
Greg: Dude, that's on the Upper East Side of Manhattan. Do you know what kind of people live there?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] White people and Spike Lee.

Vanessa: Stop moving around so much.
Kill Moves: Take it easy. I'm tender-headed. Ow!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] After 15 bottles of shampoo and a Silkwood shower, our job was complete.
Vanessa: You're done.
Kill Moves: Ooh-ee. I look like a young Cleavon Little.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] More like an old Clifton Davis.
Chris: How much?
Pam: Nothing. Just consider it a Christmas gift.
Vanessa: Hey, Slick, if you wasn't a psychotic, homeless bum I'd go out with you.
Kill Moves: [chuckles] Get in line, sister. Get in line.

Kathleen Devereaux: And who are you?
Chris: Oh, I'm Chris.
Kathleen Devereaux: Welcome to my home, Chris.
Chris: Wow. Looks like a department store.
Kathleen Devereaux: Yeah, well, this is my favorite time of year.
Kill Moves: I bought you a Christmas present.
Kathleen Devereaux: Hmm. A watch. And... Turtles. Where did you find Turtles?!
Chris: At the corner store. Didn't you see the Rolex?
Kathleen Devereaux: I have eight Rolexes, but I haven't had a Turtle since I was a girl. This is very sweet of you.
Kill Moves: Thanks, Mom.
Kathleen Devereaux: Well, why don't you put your coat down? Edgar, why don't you play something for us on the piano? I want to talk to Chris for a little while.

Kill Moves: Well, I don't know a lot about White women, but I know two things: when you perm their hair, it gets curly, not straight; and when you invite one to your after party, somebody's going to jail.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] And it ain't the White girl.
James: Man, my uncle used to always tell me, "If you see me with a White girl, I'm holding her for the police."
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Nicole Richie said the same thing.

James: Where's Manny?
Ryan: He's opening another shop, in Detroit.
Risky: When did you start cutting hair?
Julius: When we were kids everybody in our house had a job. Ryan was the barber.
Ryan: Yeah.
Risky: So, Julius, where are you taking Rochelle for her anniversary tonight?
Julius: We're going to see Show Dogs on Broadway.
James: Show Dogs? What's that about?
Kill Moves: It's only the most extravagant musical ever to come to the United States from a foreign shore. It's a high-voltage spectacle of song and dance!
All: Ooh.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] While I was trying to figure out how to deal with Big Bird, Vanessa was getting prepared to deal with Kill Moves.
Chauffeur: Good evening, ladies.
Vanessa: Kill Moves? Where'd you get the car?
Kill Moves: I don't know.
Chauffeur: It belongs to his mother, Mrs. Devereaux.
Kill Moves: Wow. You learn something new every day. Where's Vanessa?
Vanessa: Uh, this is me.
Kill Moves: Where's that woman you was just with?
Vanessa: Um...
Rochelle: Just explain when you get in the car. Go, go, go. Have a good time. I think.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] I even tried Kill Moves. I had to start using the word "responsible" loosely.
Chris: Kill Moves, wake up.
Kill Moves: I'm awake, I just got my eyes closed. I'm testing their opacity. What do you need?
Chris: I was wondering if you wanted to go with me tonight to see the ball drop in Times Square.
Kill Moves: I would love to! But I can't see through my eyelids, so I don't see what the point would be. [Chris leaves] Hey, hey, Chris? Chris?

Kill Moves: Why don't you and the girl go see a movie about the game that your father's going to. Hurrah... [swings sword] sowah...

Adult Chris: [v.o.] People would gamble on anything.
Vanessa: I'll bet you a dollar you can't guess how many cans of tuna I got in here.
Jerome: Twelve.
Vanessa: Damn!
[elsewhere:]
Kill Moves: [with an empty hand] I bet you can't guess how many apples I got in my hand.
Boy: Five.
Kill Moves: Damn! [hands over money]