TV Quotes

Rose: I don't drink before bedtime. I stop all liquids at noon and I still wake up.
Sophia: I never have that problem. Never. I sleep like a log. I never get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. I go in the morning. Every morning like clockwork, at 7 am I pee. Unfortunately, I don't wake up till 8.

Michael Scott: I suppose summer had to end sometime. It's sad, though, because I had a great summer. I got West Nile virus, lost a ton of weight. Then I went back to the lake. I stepped on a piece of glass in the parking lot, which hurt. That got infected even though I peed on it. Saw Inception. Or at least I dreamt I did.

Captain Holt: Nothing's okay. Wuntch, circling me like a shark frenzied by chum. The task force turning into a career-threatening quagmire. An Internal Affairs investigation casting doubt upon my integrity. And you ask, is everything okay? I am buffeted by the winds of my foe's enmity and cast about by the towering waves of cruel fate. Yet I, a Captain, am no longer able to command my vessel, my precinct, from my customary helm, my office. And you ask, is everything okay? I've worked the better part of my years on earth overcoming every prejudice and fighting for the position I hold, and now I feel it being ripped from my grasp, and with it the very essence of what defines me as a man. And you ask, is everything okay?

Joey: Where is the waitress? I'm starving.
Chandler: It's a buffet, man.
Joey: Oh, here's where I win all my money back!

Phoebe: Oh, look! There's Monica and Chandler. Hey! Hey, you guys! Hey! Oh! Oh! Oh! Chandler and Monica! Chandler and Monica!
Rachel: Oh, my God!
Phoebe: Chandler and Monica!
Rachel: Oh, my God!
Phoebe: Oh, my eyes! My eyes!

Auditioner: I'm pregnant. That's it, that's the end of my audition.
Moira: Indeed it is.
Auditioner: I'm fine with nudity.
Jocelyn: Not necessary. Thank you.
Moira: She looks like she may have seen the inside of a smoky German bar or two. Who knows, a haircut, some dance lessons...
Jocelyn: Moira, I feel like we're really scraping the bottom of the barrel here. I think that we should bring Alexis in.
Moira: Jabberwocky! There are still stones left unturned!

Stevie: So, just to be clear, um, I'm a red wine drinker.
David: That's fine.
Stevie: Okay, cool. But, uh, I only drink red wine.
David: Okay.
Stevie: And up until last night I was under the impression that you too only drank red wine. But I guess I was wrong?
David: I see where you're going with this. Um, I do drink red wine. But I also drink white wine.
Stevie: Oh.
David: And I've been known to sample the occasional Rosé. And a couple summers back I tried a Merlot, that used to be a Chardonnay.
Stevie: Uh, okay.
David: Which got a bit complicated.
Stevie: Yeah, so, you're just really open to all wines.
David: I like the wine, and not the label. Does that make sense?

Rachel: The nights are the hardest. But then the day comes and that's every bit as hard as the night. And then the night comes again...
Monica: The days and nights are hard, I get it. Look, Rachel, I'm sorry. I have to start getting ready. I'm getting married today.
Rachel: I know. At dusk. That's such a hard time for me.

Joey: Well, how you doing?
Rachel: I'm okay.
Joey: That bad, huh? Look, Rachel, I can sense when women are depressed and vulnerable. It's one of my gifts.

Moira: We all have to go, David, unless you have some special excuse.
David: It's my birthday.
Johnny: Yeah. Well, we, we didn't forget.
Moira: No, we've been talking about it for weeks.
David: You've been talking about it for weeks?
Johnny: Well, we'll just have to have a birthday and graduation celebration all in one.
David: Yeah. I'm very uninterested in that option.