Adult Adam: [v.o.] While Barry was off to chase Geoff's sister, Pops came to stop me from chasing Brea.
Pops: Okay. There's no way your mom is done trying to convince you Brea is on the outs. So I'm here to help.
Adam: What's the chalkboard for?
Pops: Well, you kids are always making lists. I want to be in on the fun, so... "Adam and Pops' Day of Distraction." "Adam" starts with "A," so one slant left and one slant right.
Adam: Pops, you can just tell me.
Pops: Now let's connect these suckers. [chalk snaps] Oh, damn it. I started so strong!
Beverly: Oh, you've almost got an "A" there.
Pops: Out, Blondie. The boy's taking my advice for once.

Pops: Good! Back to my thing. Now, I like starting my D's with the big, round belly part.

Murray: Where is everyone? Actually, forget about it. The important thing is they're gone.
Pops: Because you gave me no help, they're road-tripping to ol' Virginny!
Murray: Virginia? That's a lot of gas.
Pops: Focus. Adam's gonna tell Brea they need to go to college together next year, and he'll look like an insecure, needy nudnik.
Murray: Maybe the girl will think it's sweet.
Pops: It's gonna be over-the-top embarrassment.
Murray: [answers phone] Hello? Yeah. I got it. Thank you very much. [hangs up] That was the bank. Apparently, somebody in Maryland tried using my credit card to buy a white steed.
Pops: A white steed? I've seen that kid ride a bike. This isn't gonna end well.
Murray: Damn it, now I have to do things. Why didn't you say something?
Pops: Oh, go [bleep] yourself.

Adam: Bar, what is it?
Barry: I just heard a terrible rumor that NFL players are going on strike.
Murray: It's not a rumor, moron.
Barry: This is the single most terrible thing that's ever happened!
Pops: I was born in a wagon and didn't see a dentist till I was 20, but sure.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] I had lost my job and my girlfriend's respect, but for my mom, it was a big win.
Beverly: There's my brave boy. Come and sit. I made pancake dippers for dinner to celebrate your early retirement.
Pops: Oy vey.
Adam: Just stop, okay? Because of you, my whole life, I've wanted for nothing. I've never known hunger or pain or disappointment of any kind.
Beverly: Oh, baby, that's the best thanks a mama could have.
Adam: Gah! How can you just sit there? Talk to your daughter, dammit.
Pops: Thing is, kiddo, she's not wrong this time. You are.
Adam: What in God's name are you talking about?
Pops: Hey, you didn't like working hard, so you took the easy way out. 'Course Brea doesn't like that. Frankly, I don't either.

Pops: Come on, slugger. Let's hit the track. The ponies are waiting.
Adam: One sec. I'm so close to winning "Zelda," I can taste it. Six months of hard work is about to pay off.
Pops: You know what I did in six months? Win World War II.

Murray: It's too good. Do it again and do it worse.
Pops: Hey, I've got talent, I can't suppress it. In fact, if you don't want my potato family, perhaps the New Yorker will.

Pops: Have you noticed when your mom tries to guilt me, it doesn't work? That's because of my simple mantra. It's not real, don't feel.
Barry: What's not real?
Pops: The pain she's in. The guilt and tears are just a manipulation.

Beverly: When did he start boxing up his toys like it's the world's saddest museum?
Pops: I guess he likes looking at 'em now more than playing with them.
Beverly: But he's my schmoo. He loves to play.
Pops: Bevy, no one stays a kid forever.
Beverly: That's it! I'll make him stay a kid forever!
Pops: I'm not gonna stop you. I've learned to conserve my energy.
Beverly: I'm not just gonna give him Pee-wee's bike. I'm gonna give him the whole damn adventure!
Pops: The rantings of a lunatic. But have a ball. Again, I'm tired.

Pops: Good morning!
Beverly: Wow, dad, don't you look dapper? Big date tonight?
Pops: Actually, I just finished my date from last night.
Adam: Was this the aerobics instructor?
Eric: The antiques dealer?
Pops: No. This was the manager from Coco's. I ordered the steak, she ordered the me.