Beverly: There's a famous saying... "If you love someone, never set them free."
Pops: That's not the saying. Murray, a little help?
Murray: Nah. Sounds like she's doing a thing.
Pops: Adam, who knows ladies better than me? I'm still scoring left and right. It's honestly too much.
Adam: Ew.
Pops: So much "ew." And how do I get all that sweet ew? Confidence! Let Brea Bee be. You can talk about the future when she gets back.
Adam: I'm going with Pops.
Beverly: Damn it, old man!
Pops: Really? Usually, people just pretend to listen to me and then do whatever they want.
Murray: I don't even do the listening part.
Adam: Pops, I trust you completely. When it comes to dames, you know your stuff.
Pops: [stands up] Look who's back, baby! [groans] I hurt my back.

Beverly: Ooh. Let's practice what you say when you see her, okay? I'll be Brea. [Southern accent] Adam! What in tarnation are you doin' here?
Adam: Why does Brea sound like Delta Burke looking for a husband at a picnic?
Beverly: [normal voice] The South changes people, Schmoo. [Souther accent] My, oh, my, Adam. Is that you?
Adam: Listen, Brea, I really want us to go college close to each other.
Beverly: Mmm.
Adam: In New York. What do you say?
Beverly: That's nice, but a gentleman would have told me sooner to show he cared.
Adam: But I'm saying it now.
Beverly: My life is here now, where we drink sweet tea and race crawdads.
Adam: Race crawdads? How does that work?

Beverly: Play along. Brea just dismissed you.
Adam: Fine. [Southern accent] Wait, Brea, my beautiful chicken-fried steak! My love for you could fill a thousand Piggly Wigglys with fried okra and Moon Pies! [normal voice] Aw, I'm not saying the right words.

Beverly: Damn it, we know what we're doing. We already role-played the whole scenario.
Murray: [inhales deeply] Let's do it again, only this time, I'll be Brea. Go ahead.
Adam: Fine. Brea, I never want us to be apart.
Murray: You stay away from me, you needy, lazy-eyed freak. Go kiss your Starboy dolls. I bet you'd like that, you weirdo.
Adam: Wow. So much extra mustard.

Barry: You're taking that random girl over me?
Geoff: Barry...
Barry: Don't "Barry" me. You're always choosing Erica, and I'm sick of it!
Geoff: Boyfriends and girlfriends do special things together.
Barry: And best friends don't?
Geoff: She breathes on my neck and makes me dizzy.
Barry: My breath smells bad, too.
Geoff: Her hugs are full-body.
Barry: Big Tasty's hugs are also full-body. Here's proof.
Geoff: Oh, please don't.
Barry: Let our bodies become one. [hugs Geoff]
Geoff: Oh, I prefer them as two.
Barry: That's right. Wear your friend Barry like a big, warm coat.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] It was March 24th, 1980-something, and my girlfriend, Brea, was off to visit her cousin at college, which for two teens in love, wasn't easy.
Brea: I can't believe we're not gonna see each other for three whole days. We've never been apart that long.
Adam: One last kiss before you go?
Beverly: Hell, yes!
Adam: Mom!
Beverly: Sorry, Schmoo. You've got that lazy eye. It wasn't clear who you were talking to.
Adam: Here's a fun way to know the difference... It's never you!
Brea: Oh. We'll just save that kiss for later.
Adam: Okay. Love you.
Beverly: Love you too. Sorry. The eye keeps finding me.

Pops: So, where's Brea off to, kiddo?
Adam: Visiting her cousin at the University of Virginia.
Beverly: Hold on. You're letting Brea visit a college south of the Mason-Dixon line, in a state that's famously "for lovers"?
Adam: She's not visiting the school. She's visiting her cousin.
Beverly: Cousin visits are gateways to actual college visits. One minute, you're all, "Yay! Our moms are sisters." And then, the next minute, "Mmm, yeah. I think I could spend four years here."
Adam: Where are you going with this? Is a question I'm sure I'll regret asking.
Beverly: Once Brea strolls past the columns of the UVA Rotunda and then picnics next to the waters of Lake Monticello, she will fall in love with the place.
Adam: Where is all this specific UVA information coming from?

Beverly: Have you and Brea even talked about your college plans?
Adam: A little. We're both applying to NYU.
Beverly: So you explicitly told her that you wanted to go to school together?
Adam: No, but we'll have that talk once we both get in. Then everything will be hunky-dory.
Beverly: You mean, hunky dog [bleep]! While you're in the Big Apple yelling at taxis, she'll be watching a shirtless blacksmith making horseshoes while saying, "Oh, I do declare."
Adam: Shirtless blacksmith? At least he should be wearing a leather apron while working the flame. A-And stop trying to get in my head.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] While Pops was helping me with Brea, Barry was looking for help with Geoff from the JTP.
Barry: [enters] JTP!
Matt: JTP!
Barry: Wait. It's just you, Matt Bradley?
Matt: It was just me when you came in.
Barry: Where's Naked Rob?
Matt: He's getting his knee surgery. He'll finally be able to walk without pain.
Barry: What about Andy? Let me guess. Height surgery.
Matt: Close. He's on a semester abroad in Sweden.
Barry: Those giant blond people will try to put him in their pockets.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] While Barry was off to chase Geoff's sister, Pops came to stop me from chasing Brea.
Pops: Okay. There's no way your mom is done trying to convince you Brea is on the outs. So I'm here to help.
Adam: What's the chalkboard for?
Pops: Well, you kids are always making lists. I want to be in on the fun, so... "Adam and Pops' Day of Distraction." "Adam" starts with "A," so one slant left and one slant right.
Adam: Pops, you can just tell me.
Pops: Now let's connect these suckers. [chalk snaps] Oh, damn it. I started so strong!
Beverly: Oh, you've almost got an "A" there.
Pops: Out, Blondie. The boy's taking my advice for once.