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35Quotes from ‘Shopping’

The Goldbergs: Shopping

110. Shopping

Aired December 3, 2013

After Erica gets a job at a department store, Beverly is all too keen to make use of her daughter's employee discount. When Beverly's overuse of the discount threatens Erica's job, she takes drastic action against her mother with consequences for the whole family. Meanwhile, when a string of bad luck gets Barry down, Pops tries to show him that a positive attitude is the key to success.

Quote from Beverly

Erica: Brenda said she could get me a job with her at Gimbels, okay? I'll finally have my own money. Plus, I get a big employee discount.
Beverly: Well, who am I to stand in your way? That settles it. You're getting a discount. Job. You're getting a job. I'm just so happy for us. You. I'm happy for all of us. Oh, discount.

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Quote from Murray

Murray: You ate all the fiddle! It's all faddle now, you moron.

Quote from Murray

Murray: Look, Bevy, I know you're trying to make a point here, but it's been three days. I had to wear my tuxedo shirt to work! Yes, I did look like Roger Moore, but don't you think it's time you called off this fight?

Quote from Beverly

Erica: Mom, you're not listening.
Beverly: And you're not making with the beep-bop-boop.

Quote from Murray

Murray: Here's all I know about fashion. I like blue. That's it.

Quote from Murray

Erica: Then let me explain how it works. You have to spend money to look nice.
Murray: Or you could grab some of the old dresses in your closet, cut 'em up, and make a new one in the current style. Like, um, that movie with, uh, the girl with the face.
Erica: Mom, he's upsetting me.
Beverly: You should go.
Murray: I'll go.

Quote from Beverly

Erica: I'm getting a job.
Beverly: A job? You're just a child. I can't have you losing a foot in a forklift accident.
Erica: Forklift?
Beverly: Patty Newsome's son got his foot crushed his first day at the lumber yard. He'll never bike through Europe now. Is that what you want?

Quote from Barry

Barry: Guess whose life sucks a big sack of marbles. Just guess.
Pops: All right, Barry, what now?
Barry: First period, backpack rips open. Bad luck. Second period, I fail my pop quiz. Super bad luck. Third period gym, we're playing basketball, and a bird dooks on my face. He dooks on my face!

Quote from Erica

Manager: How are we doing over here?
Erica: Terrific. Just sold an extended warranty for a basketball.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: There's my little worker bee. Buzz, buzz.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: And while I'm here, I picked up a couple of essentials. Some fiddle faddle, videotapes for Adam, a clapper for Dad so he can turn the lights off from bed, cologne for Pops, and an athletic supporter and cup for Barry. Look at this. I'm Darth Vader. Erica, I am your mother. Give me your discount. Oh, but seriously, give me your discount.

Quote from Beverly

Erica: Here you go. Four snow pants, four parkas, three sets of mittens, and of course, fiddle faddle. And it practically all pays for itself with my employee discount.
Beverly: Have I told you that you're my favorite child? I'm gonna say it at the dinner table tonight.
I literally love you the most.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Erica! Call Mr. Gimbel. Tell him one of his best customers is in trouble and needs his help.

Quote from Erica

Erica: You gave me no choice. You were using me as a human discount.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Who has their own mother arrested? Who does that? And to think I almost bought you snow pants?

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Your own daughter had me hauled off to jail.
Erica: It was the mall security office next to the Orange Julius.
Beverly: It was jail. It was small and stuffy, and they took a very unflattering polaroid of me. Look at it. Look at it!

Quote from Murray

Adam: Okay, don't touch anything in there. I'm about to win Zelda. I gotta grab my video camera and record this moment. 'Cause it's literally the biggest day of my life.
Murray: Well, who's Zelda? Your girlfriend?
Adam: No. It's the game I've been playing for the last six months. It's all I talk about. Were you even listening?
Murray: I think you answered your own question there.

Quote from Barry

Barry: You won't believe the day I had. First, I aced my math quiz, B-. Then, bio lab got flooded, so we had class in the quad, where a bird did not crap on me. Then after school, Jen Sperling asked me to the dance, 'cause her date got viral meningitis.
Murray: Oh, good for you. Bad for him. But good for you.
Barry: His brain is swollen! Everything's coming up Barry.

Quote from Adam

Adam: No, no! No! What did you do?! You stupid, stupid man.
Barry: Dude! What's your problem?
Adam: I've been playing that game for six months!
Barry: And I beat it in six seconds. Guess that's just Barry luck.
Adam: You're not lucky. You didn't win a single race at the track.
Barry: I won the exotica! You just don't understand golf.
Adam: You don't understand anything. No one wins for coming in last. Pops made it all up.

Quote from Murray

Barry: Pops would never screw with me like that. Tell him. You can win tons of money for coming in last.
Murray: That's right! And one day, you'll ride a unicorn, and you'll live in a house made of candy. Just to be clear you won't.

Quote from Murray

Murray: Apologize to your mom.
Erica: Dad
Murray: Not just for you, but for me, too. There's no food in the house. Today I had to eat an apple.
Erica: I'm not gonna apologize to mom because you had to eat fruit.
Murray: I know your mom gets carried away, but everything she does, she does for this family. It's her job. And she doesn't get any employee discounts, and all her customers Jerks! Every one of 'em. You may not wanna do what your mom does when you grow up, but you gotta learn to respect it.

Quote from Pops

Pops: Well, what'll it be, kiddo? There are some great odds on Semi-Charmed.
Barry: Mmm, no. I'm gonna bet Colonel Seymour.
Pops: Colonel Seymour? He's 40 to 1. You could jump on my back, and we'd beat him.

Quote from Barry

Barry: Here's all the money to my name. Birthdays, allowance, money I stole from Adam. Bet it all.

Quote from Pops

Pops: Kiddo, you just had the week of your life, and you know why? 'Cause you were thinking positive for a change.
Barry: Yeah, 'cause thinking positive got me a hot date, good grades, and stopped my night terrors.
Pops: Yes!

Quote from Beverly

Erica: I know what you do is a job.
Beverly: You know, when I was younger, I was really good in school. I got straight As. I was a real good arguer, and people used to say, "Beverly Solomon, you should be a lawyer." That wasn't my dream. My dream was to have a family. My dream was this.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Honey, you are a pain in my ass, and you never listen to a word I say, but the way you had me booted out of that store, you're gonna make a great assistant manager one day.

Quote from Beverly

Erica: I'm sorry I got you sent to mall jail.
Beverly: I'm sorry I got carried away with your discount. I know I get crazy when it comes to shopping. I will try to work on that.
Erica: No, you won't.
Beverly: I really won't.

Quote from Barry

Adam: Zelda II? Seriously?
Barry: I saved some money at the track. Come on, let's go play.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: What is this?
Erica: Figured it was our turn to make you dinner.
Beverly: Oh, my gosh. That is so sweet! So exciting. It's tough on the top and has a jelly coating on the bottom. Is that baking soda? Why don't I just whip something up?

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: You can't detain me! I have rights! I almost went to Law School. I am a female woman, and I am being held against my will. Nobody knows the trouble I've seen This prison can't hold me! Let me out! You may have caged my body, but you have not caged my mind! Do you think this is funny? I know what you're doing back there. I can see you! You will not break my spirit.

Quote from Pops

Pops: Come on, slugger. Let's hit the track. The ponies are waiting.
Adam: One sec. I'm so close to winning "Zelda," I can taste it. Six months of hard work is about to pay off.
Pops: You know what I did in six months? Win World War II.

Quote from Barry

Pops: Why don't you come to the track with us?
Adam: Pops, don't do that. He's a jinx.
Barry: Shut up! I'll blind you with my fists!


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