Adam: Okay, I get it. You're trying to take my things now.
Pops: Is that what's going on? I was wondering why Barry was insisting I hang out with him and give him sage advice.

Adam: Pops, thank God you're here! There's a major crisis between me and Jackie. Only my love guru can help.
Pops: This is why I sit here waiting all day. Lay it on me, kiddo.
Adam: Hang on to your hat. Turns out, Jackie likes "Star Trek" more than "Star Wars." What do I do?
Pops: About what?
Adam: It's a fact. Force Freaks and Trekkies never get along. We're sworn enemies.
Pops: Okay, here's what you do. Nothing. 'Cause it's all dumb.
Adam: Dumb?! If I date a Trekkie, I lose all my street cred with my boys!
Pops: And just where is this street, and who are these boys?

Adam: You're like my own personal Obi Wan Kenobi, but instead of the force, you're teaching me how to get freaky.
Pops: Who's Oboe Canoli?

Adam: Unless it's not the puppet, but what the puppet represents. We all know that E.T.'s about an absent father, right?
Pops: No. What movie were you watching? All I saw was a magic frog-man make a telephone out of a Speak & Spell.

Erica: Pops, if your thing was so simple, we would have done it a long time ago.
Pops: You're right. I'm just a silly, old man. I should just go home, ball up my socks, and go to bed.
Erica: No. I'm sorry.
Barry: Don't do that. We love you.
Pops: It's not real! Don't feel!

Erica: Don't stop. Keep going.
Beverly: Ah, I'd rather not.
Erica: Okay, Pops, would you mind?
Pops: "I feel that I could really benefit from being part of its cromtormulous student body and weepeggle faculty." Weepeggle? What the [beep]?

Erica: Keep reading.
Pops: "I would be bumgubbled to quarp a university that is so vernaciously proggle that even the most zeticent student could gobulate." Gobulate? Honest question when you wrote this, were you smoking a jazz cigarette?

Pops: It appears I have popped another waterbed while entertaining a female friend.

Waiter: I'm sorry. I don't understand what's happening right now.
Barry: You're supposed to act snooty and threaten to call the police.
Waiter: Oh, I would never call the police. Now, if you and the pretzel emperor, would follow me.
Barry: Call the police, I demand it.
Pops: Don't call the police.
Barry: Call the police.
Pops: Don't call the police. We'll just get our car from the valet.
Waiter: We don't have a valet.
Pops: Then you better call the police.

Pops: You forgot the part where Aquaman swam to Egypt and parted the Red Sea with his fish friends and Moses, the porpoise.