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27Quotes from ‘Globetrotters’

The Goldbergs: Globetrotters

409. Globetrotters

Aired December 7, 2016

Barry and Adam argue over who can claim the Harlem Globetrotters as their interest. Meanwhile, Beverly is upset when Murray misses his own birthday party.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Okay, come here. I got to put my lips on your forehead and take your temperature.
Barry: I'm fine. Keep your lips off me.
Beverly: Come here, come here. Mwah! Oh, my God. You must be 102.3. You're with fever!
Barry: I'm not with fever. There's no science to putting lips on a forehead.
Beverly: Why do you think they call it a ther-mom-eter? Mom is in the name. 'Cause we invented it.
Murray: Yeah, none of that's real.

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Quote from Adam

Ruben Amaro, Jr.: What's your name, bro?
Adam: Adam F. Goldberg. Got to use the middle initial cause there's another Adam Goldberg in school, and he's very mad about the whole same-name situation.

Quote from Barry

Adam: Honestly, the tape was only meant to be shared with my bros on the basketball team.
Barry: Those bros are my bros, not yours. From this point forward, I forbade you from liking anything I like.
Adam: Yeah, you can't do that.
Barry: Oh, I can. Starting now, stay away from the following Barry Goldberg trademark hobbies and interests: Globetrotters, karate, Bo staff, Air Jordans, competitive kiting, extreme BMXing, hot showers, conga lines, and diving into an icy river with a knife in your mouth. I own that move. I also claim Skittles and soda.
Adam: You can't claim an entire genre of beverage. That's madness!
Barry: And it's mine! I also own roller skating, eating chili, half and full nelsons, Chuck Norris, and boobs.
Adam: No! That's too far. You can't claim boobs. Everyone likes boobs.
Barry: Have fun sticking to your dumb hobbies like robots and glasses.
Adam: Glasses aren't a hobby. They're a corrective accessory to combat my wandering eyeball.
Barry: Exactly! You stay in your lame nerdy world, and I'll stay in my awesome one.

Quote from Pops

Adam: Okay, I get it. You're trying to take my things now.
Pops: Is that what's going on? I was wondering why Barry was insisting I hang out with him and give him sage advice.

Quote from Murray

Beverly: Murray, it's your 50th birthday. Your nifty-fifties. Yeah!
Murray: I don't see what's so nifty about me throwing out my back every time I blow my nose.
Beverly: It's a major milestone.
Murray: That's why I'll be sitting in that chair watching TV in my underpants.
Beverly: No. That's what you did for birthdays 19 through 49.

Quote from Murray

Beverly: Aunt Rose made your face out of ice cream.
Murray: Ooh! I'll have a slice of me.
Beverly: Well, you can't. Thanks to your little disappearing act, the whole thing melted. It's ice cream soup.
Murray: I'm a milkshake. Well, that's the dream.

Quote from Pops

Adam: All right, guys. The camera's rolling let's work on our tiny passes!
[Adam and his friends pass a basketball around in close range]
Pops: I'm not sure what I'm watching, but this is wonderful.

Quote from Barry

Barry: What are you dorks doing on my court/our driveway? Basketball is my sport, along with all the other sports. Get your own but you can't, 'cause they're all mine.

Quote from Dave Kim

Naked Rob: One drop touches me and you're dead.
Dave Kim: Yes, Mr. Naked, sir.
Naked Rob: Now pour it on yourself. Do it.
Taz: Dear Lord!
Dave Kim: My beautiful hair!
Pops: Have some pride, Dave Kim.
Dave Kim: This is so demeaning.

Quote from Barry

Barry: Barry Goldberg's Globetrotting Suck Show?
Adam: In my defense, I only gave it to the jocks so I would look awesome and you would look dumb. You get it.
Barry: Well, the jocks gave it to the burners who gave it to the debate team who gave it to the bell choir. Those weirdos laughed at me. The bell choir, dude. They hold bells and go, bong. I'm lower than bell people now!

Quote from Murray

Beverly: See, I've been scrapbooking our family for over 20 years. And not only do you refuse to be in any of the photos, the few times you are, you look like this.
Murray: What? That's how I look. That's my face.
Beverly: You don't value any memories. So you are gonna sit here and look at all these books until you prove to me that you care about our meaningful moments.
Murray: Bevy, this is how I was raised. We don't make a fuss. Doesn't mean I don't pay attention. It's all up here in my brain.
Beverly: Oh, please.
Murray: This noggin is the world's greatest scrapbook.
Beverly: Which baby is this?
Murray: Uh... The moron.
Beverly: Which moron?
Murray: Eri-baaaarry-aaaadam.

Quote from Adam

Barry: What am I looking at?
Adam: Oh, I'm just chilling in my Flyers shirt, eating Boo Berry, watching Jean-Claude Van Damme. You know, classic me stuff.
Barry: That is not classic you, it's classic me.
Adam: Too bad you didn't call it. I mean, you gave me a specific list, and none of this stuff was on it.
Barry: Everyone knows I own spooky cereal, Flyers gear, and JC Van D. It goes without saying. Turn off that movie right now.
Adam: Ooh, I would if it were a Chuck Norris flick, but JC Van D wasn't on your list, so now he's on mine.
Barry: You take off my shirt and step away from the Boo Berry, I mean it.
Adam: Should I step away from the cereal like this?
Barry: Don't you dare moonwalk away from that cereal. I own that move that Michael Jackson made up!
Adam: But you didn't call it, and I did!

Quote from Adam

Barry: Those are fighting words, and you know it.
Adam: Go ahead. I already have my favorite martial arts weaponry to protect me.
Barry: No, I called 'chuking. I remember listing it off.
Adam: Yeah, you picked Bo staff, which is basically just a long stick.

Quote from Barry

Barry: Greetings, earthling.
Adam: What are you doing in my room?
Barry: Just diving into the world of nerd stuff I love that you never called. You know, playing with He-Guy, stretching Neil Armstrong, playing with this weirdly hot cat lady.
Adam: That's Cheetara.
Barry: Cheetabra.
Adam: Her precognition-
Barry: Prenition.
Adam: and immense speed-
Barry: Fence speed.
Adam: make her an asset to the Thundercats-
Barry: the Tundra Dads.

Quote from Murray

Beverly: Sorry, no TV until you go through every scrapbook.
Murray: You know, I've given this a lot of thought. And I realize I do mark the moments. As a matter of fact, I kind of have my own scrapbook collection.
Beverly: You? Scrapbooks?
Murray: Take my hand, I want to show you something. This this right here, this is how I mark the moment.
Beverly: These are our tax returns.
Murray: To you. To me, they're reminders of us, of our family. Every receipt has a memory. This right here, this is where Erica got her braces. Ha, and look at this. This is where we bought Adam his first video camera.
Beverly: Wow, these receipts really mean a lot to you, huh?
Murray: They mean everything. And I keep them all here in my heart file.
Beverly: Oh, Murray.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] That's the thing about marking the moment, everyone does it in their own way.
Beverly: What a crock of [bleep]! I mean, tax returns? In your heart file? Really?


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