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28Quotes from ‘Circle of Driving’

The Goldbergs: Circle of Driving

101. Circle of Driving

Aired September 24, 2013

On his sixteenth birthday, Barry is excited to get his ticket to independence: a set of wheels. Unfortunately, Beverly doesn't think he is is mature enough to drive yet. Meanwhile, Beverly starts to think her dad is too mature to be driving. As the family argue over who should be driving, Adam gets Pops' help to try impress a girl.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Look, you need to be grateful, because one day, I won't be here to help dress you.
Adam: You keep sayin' that, but when?

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Quote from Pops

Adam: You're like my own personal Obi Wan Kenobi, but instead of the force, you're teaching me how to get freaky.
Pops: Who's Oboe Canoli?

Quote from Murray

Murray: All right, stop your pouting. I got you something, and I think you're gonna like it.
Barry: REO speedwagon? This is Top 40! You don't know me at all. I'm into rap, the poetry of the streets. Come on!
Murray: No, no, I talked to the guy at Sam Goody. He said it was a hip track.
Barry: Well, did you talk to Sam Goody himself? Huh? Did you? No. You talked to a random jack-off who knows nothing about real music.
Murray: You weren't there, okay? The guy had an earring, he had a Jean jacket, covered in buttons. Covered!

Quote from Barry

Beverly: Sweetie, you're just not ready to drive. You're too immature, and quite honestly, a little high-strung.
Barry: I am not high-strung! I'm strung just fine, like a tennis racket or a banjo.

Quote from Pops

Murray: Are we havin' a drag race? What's with the bird car?
Beverly: My father thinks he's Burt Reynolds.
Pops: The sexiest man alive? Yes, I do.

Quote from Pops

Beverly: Are you guys okay?
Pops: No, I'm not okay. Barry took a dump in front of us.
Barry: I had to go.
Pops: It was bad.

Quote from Beverly

Waitress: Welcome back, boys. What'll it be?
Pops: I don't know. What do you think, Alan?
Adam: Let's pull the trigger. Two Monte Cristos, all the trimmings.
Beverly: Ahem. All that fried meat and cheese? You're gonna be on the bowl for hours.

Quote from Pops

Pops: You wanna know why I won't give up my license, Bev?
Beverly: You wanna get with Shirley Nagel. Yes, we get it.
Pops: Shirley Nagel. Are you kidding me? I got that locked down. But if you take away my car, you take away my time with my grandson. Getting waffles with that little guy, it's the best part of my week.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Are you proud of yourself, locking up an old man and two little boys?
Adult Adam: [v.o.] God help the poor soul that tried to push us around. That was her job.
Beverly: Memorize this face, because it is going to haunt your dreams, sir. It is gonna haunt your [beep] dreams.

Quote from Beverly

Barry: It's jingling. It's keys. Keys means car, car means freedom from all you monsters. I love you, mom.
What the hell is this?
Beverly: It's a locket. It's got my picture inside so you can always have your mother near your heart.

Quote from Adam

Adam: Mom, they don't zip. Can you help me with this?
Beverly: Oh, look at you. Oh, why go shopping when your sister's jeans fit you so perfectly?
Adam: Fit me perfectly? They're horrible. They're roomy in the hips and tight in the front. I look like Brooke shields.
Beverly: And she's beautiful.

Quote from Murray

Barry: Dad, please talk some sense into your wife. She saying some pretty controversial things over there.
Murray: I agree with whatever nonsense your mother just said.
Barry: Come on, this is not fair.
Murray: Who the hell told you life was fair, ya moron?

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Don't get your father all worked up.
Murray: I'm already all worked up.
Beverly: Honey, calm down. Breathe.
Murray: I'm breathin', okay?
Beverly: You're killing your father. I hope you're having a happy birthday.

Quote from Beverly

Erica: What?! So Barry has a car and no license, and I have a license and no car? That makes no sense.
Beverly: You know what else makes no sense? Those peach wine coolers I found hiding in your closet. Yeah, I'm everywhere.

Quote from Pops

Pops: And you can't just go in and honk 'em. It's all about the cuppage. Be gentle. Those puppies are sensitive.
Adam: I just wanna bury my face in 'em.
Pops: We all do, but you gotta earn it.

Quote from Adam

Adam: Whassup, girl? The check, please.
Waitress: You got it, Alan.
Adam: Did you hear that? She just called me Alan.
Pops: That's not your name.
Adam: I'll change it. I'm Alan now.

Quote from Pops

Pops: Looks like I better get on home and take this all in.
Can I have the keys?
Murray: No.
Pops: You're out of my will.
Murray: You're out of my will. That's right. We'll see who croaks first.

Quote from Murray

Murray: Okay, if you got no problem letting go, then I'm gonna take Barry for a driving lesson.
Beverly: (Snorts derisively) You two stuck in the same car together? That'll go well. Good luck not flipping out.
Murray: I don't need luck. I'm gonna teach him good. I'm gonna parent the [beep] out of him.

Quote from Murray

Murray: Do not hit the child in the back. That's way too advanced.

Quote from Adam

Beverly: Baby, you're not ready for girls. You don't even have pit hair.
Adam: I have three.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] I didn't.

Quote from Barry

Barry: Come on, dad. You got me an REO Speedwagon tape. You don't know anything about me.
Murray: Trust me, I do. I know you go through life feeling all angry, let down, misunderstood. I get it.
Barry: Wow, that's - yeah. Do you ever cry into your pillow?
Murray: No, I don't cry into my pillow. Who cries in their pillow?
Barry: Not me. I don't.

Quote from Murray

Murray: Here's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna talk to your mom, and tell her that she's gotta let you get your driver's license.
Barry: Really?
Murray: Yes.
Barry: Thank you, and can you also convince her to get a hobby? Knitting, break dancing, anything besides us.
Murray: Yes, I'm working on it, kid.

Quote from Murray

Murray: Those the kids' baby blankets?
Beverly: You got me. Sometimes I smell 'em when I feel sad. That's not weird, is it?
Murray: Well, it's a little weird.
Beverly: Yeah, my world is caving in. I've given those kids everything, and now that they're growing up, and don't need me as much, what do I have?
Murray: Me. I'm not goin' anywhere. All right, let me have a sniff.


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