Adult Adam: [v.o.] Yep, I was armed with a brilliant plan: Hassle the Hoff by sneaking into his trailer.
Adam: Hello? Mr. Hasselhoff? He's not here.
Dave Kim: Good. I'm rooting for you to fail. Although this is kinda cool. We're in the Hoff's inner sanctum.
Adam: To think, this is where he works on his craft and brushes his lustrous mane.
Dave Kim: Holy crap, his Knight Rider jacket.
Adam: Whoa.
Dave Kim: So rugged yet supple.
Adam: That's full grain, baby. Softer than my mother's nightgown.
Dave Kim: Softer than both of our mothers' nightgowns.

Dave Kim: Adam! Baby! Welcome to the West Village! Mwah! Mwah!
Adam: Whoa. So unexpected and European!
Dave Kim: You know it. DKNY is now international.
Adam: DKNY? Donna Karan's ready-wear line for today's smart set?
Dave Kim: Yup, and it's kind of my moniker, baby. Get the hell in here, baby.
Adam: You say "baby" an awful lot.
Dave Kim: I'm just saying how I feel. And how I feel is happy to see you, baby.

Adam: Carmen just walked up to me in the diner and had to have me.
Dave Kim: That's remarkable. Even as I hear it a third time.
Adam: Sorry. How's your romantic life at NYU?
Dave Kim: My roommate seems to be getting tons of action. Sometimes I wake up to his guest's enthusiastic noises, so I'm kinda part of it.

Dave Kim: So, I have a huge favor to ask. Will you read my script?
Adam: You wrote a script?
Dave Kim: I took a screenwriting elective on a lark.
Adam: You want me to take time out of my day to read your script?
Dave Kim: Am I saying it weird?
Adam: I'll read this on one condition. No matter how harsh my criticism is, you can't be mad at me.
Dave Kim: I'd never be mad at you.
Adam: It's gonna feel like an anvil crushing your heart, your head, and your groin all at once.
Dave Kim: I've been kicked down there many a time. Dave Kim's lower half is made of stronger stuff than you'd think.

Adam: Amadoofus?
Dave Kim: It's a comedic spoof of Amadeus.
Geoff: Hey, have you seen Muriel's binkie? Wh... Amadoofus? That's hilarious, Adam.
Adam: It's Dave Kim's script.
Geoff: Oh, that tracks. Noice, DK.

Adam: It's good, not great. Now back to the bio lab, you mildly creative doctor-to-be.
Geoff: NYU's gonna give him $3,000 to shoot it!
Adam: Shoot [bleep] what now?
Dave Kim: I won a screenwriting contest at school. I kept it secret 'cause I didn't want your opinion colored by my overnight success.
Adam: That's grea... [gasping laugh] That's so great!
Geoff: He re-named Salieri "Silly Larry." I mean, how genius is that?
Adam: No, I read it.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] While Erica had foiled Barry's plan, my plan to drive Dave Kim to madness was about to come alive.
Brian Walls: His rear is not of this world. Um, what is his workout regimen?
Brea: Hm. Oh, he never works out, Your Majesty. He was born this way.
Adam: How can a just God give that fool such a rump while mine is so pedestrian? I curse the heavens!
Dave Kim: And cut.

Dave Kim: Cut! He's ruining my masterpiece!
Adam: Balls! He's awake!
Dave Kim: I know what you're up to. I found your new pages on the back of the toilet!
Geoff: Oh, there's my script.
Dave Kim: You just couldn't stand that Dave Kim's the funny one now. That Dave Kim's the one everyone wants to be!
Brea: Don't get carried away.
Geoff: For starters, your hair...
Brian Walls: Your clothes...
Geoff: Sometimes your personality...
Dave Kim: Okay, Dave Kim is flawed!

Adam: You know what? Maybe I'll try out for Romeo.
Dave Kim: Then you better start learning some Shakespeare. It's not exactly the easy-breezy dialogue from ALF.

Dave Kim: Dude. Ms. Cinoman just posted the cast list. I'm The Phantom! The lead. Was there any doubt?
Adam: No one likes a diva, Dave Kim.