Adult Adam: [v.o.] Back in the '80s, the Oscars crowned the best dramatic films of the time. Nothing could beat a heart-wrenching story, masterful direction, or a powerful performance. My family, however, didn't think so.
Barry: Places in the Heart. Who cares about a lady saving a farm? Sally Field needs to stick to being the Bandit's main squeeze.
Geoff: The Bandit was clearly a criminal. Smokey's the star, in my book.
Erica: And that's why he's the fun husband.

Adam: Splash should've swept everything. It taught the important lesson that fish can talk and love!

Beverly: What I want to know is, where are all the great mother-son movies? And mother-daughter movies.
Erica: No need to include me in whatever cuckoo bananas you're about to share.
Beverly: A mom and her Schmoo rescue an ark from the nazis. She and her squish go top-gunning. A mama and her three poopies hunt down a killer shark. These movies write themselves.
Adam: Because no one else is going to.

Geoff: Oh! They're announcing Best Picture! And the winner is... Amadeus! [Adam and Barry booing]
Beverly: Oh, that's a shame.
Barry: Amadeus? it's not even a real word.
Geoff: Amadeus is Wolfgang Mozart's middle name. The movie's about his musical genius and his rival Salieri's murderous jealousy.
Beverly: Before he composed anything, his mother composed him in her lady tuba.
Erica: Lady tuba?!
Beverly: Well, then there needs to be a prequel that focuses only on her... Mom-adeus.
Barry: I will never see that.

Beverly: Hey, Schmoo, when are you gonna be up there thanking me and hilariously forgetting to thank your wife?
Adam: Probably never because the Academy doesn't appreciate how hard a comedy is to write. I toiled over my most recent script, a spoof of A Passage to India called A Passage to Lydia.
Beverly: [laughs] Lydia! That's a lady's name!
Geoff: Have you seen the original movie?
Adam: Why would I watch something I'm just gonna make fun of?
Geoff: It's about racial prejudice during the British colonial era.
Erica: Oh, is it?
Geoff: [stammers] According to the poster.

Dave Kim: So, I have a huge favor to ask. Will you read my script?
Adam: You wrote a script?
Dave Kim: I took a screenwriting elective on a lark.
Adam: You want me to take time out of my day to read your script?
Dave Kim: Am I saying it weird?
Adam: I'll read this on one condition. No matter how harsh my criticism is, you can't be mad at me.
Dave Kim: I'd never be mad at you.
Adam: It's gonna feel like an anvil crushing your heart, your head, and your groin all at once.
Dave Kim: I've been kicked down there many a time. Dave Kim's lower half is made of stronger stuff than you'd think.

Adam: Amadoofus?
Dave Kim: It's a comedic spoof of Amadeus.
Geoff: Hey, have you seen Muriel's binkie? Wh... Amadoofus? That's hilarious, Adam.
Adam: It's Dave Kim's script.
Geoff: Oh, that tracks. Noice, DK.

Adam: It's good, not great. Now back to the bio lab, you mildly creative doctor-to-be.
Geoff: NYU's gonna give him $3,000 to shoot it!
Adam: Shoot [bleep] what now?
Dave Kim: I won a screenwriting contest at school. I kept it secret 'cause I didn't want your opinion colored by my overnight success.
Adam: That's grea... [gasping laugh] That's so great!
Geoff: He re-named Salieri "Silly Larry." I mean, how genius is that?
Adam: No, I read it.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] As surprised as Mr. Glascott was, a few others were even more in shock.
Geoff: Is that Mr. Perott?
Barry: With another hottie wrapped around his waist.
Erica: Why is he stopping here?
Barry: Yeah, look at that sexy denim jacket. She's a ho... [Beverly takes off the helmet] Oh, no! [choral music plays]
Beverly: Hey, Schmoos!

Adam: Ah, man, that guy is too much.
Geoff: Oh, totally. Dave Kim is too much.
Adam: Not the positive too much. The negative too much.
Geoff: Sure, he's a bit full of himself, but can you blame him? He just won that big contest.
Adam: But silly comedic spoofs are my thing.
Geoff: You should watch the real Amadeus. I think it'll give you some perspective.
Adam: Why would I do that?
Geoff: Because you'd sound less like Dave Kim's friend Adam, and more like Salieri, Mozart's vengeful mentor.
Adam: Maybe it is time to figure out what this is really all about.