Ms. Cinoman: Okay, uh, putting aside that you don't know the title or the show and that we're already rehearsing, can you even sing?
Barry: Of course. I sing rap style.
Ms. Cinoman: Oh, well, there's no rapping in this play.
Barry: [Rapping] # Her name's Oprah Winfrey # Her partner is Stedman Back off, Donahue, or else you're a dead man She's a cultural icon, collected and calm She's Oprah Winfrey, America's mom [clicks tongue]

Lainey: And guess what? You're Raoul.
Adam: Wait are you sure it's not the other Adam Goldberg? He's an actor, too.
Lainey: There's an "F." It's Adam F.
Adam: My first big part. Suck it, other Adam Goldberg! Don't tell him I said that. I fear him.

Ms. Cinoman: Yay. Well, uh, thank you.
Barry: And then I break dance and kiss Lainey and win whatever's the theater equivalent of the Stanley Cup. I'll thank Oprah in my speech.
Ms. Cinoman: Okay, uh, the show's not about Oprah.
Barry: But hear me out. Could it be?

Beverly: Hey, Boopie. What's with the board? It's a year of maxing and relaxing with nonstop blow-off classes. Well, at least you're taking one real class.
Erica: Which is?
Beverly: Home ec. Running a house is the hardest job in the world.
Erica: You know, some people put a man on the Moon, and others put parm on a chicken.
Beverly: Uh, you sound insane right now. Home economics is the cornerstone of civilization.
Erica: Or it's a class football players take to make drop cookies.
Beverly: That's what they're teaching you? How to drop a hunk of batter on a sheet?
Murray: When did you get so anti-drop cookie?
Beverly: They're not gonna teach you how to darn a sock, pepper a ham or bleach an undie?

Murray: Your mom just said, "Life is meaningless," and she locked herself in the bathroom.
Erica: I'm not gonna feel bad about this. She tried to fail me and the whole football team to prove a point.
Murray: For a smart girl, sometimes you're a real moron.
Erica: What's this?
Murray: Budgets and meal plans. Your whole life, she's been scrimping and couponing just to save enough money for you to go to any college that you choose.
Erica: I didn't know that.
Murray: Well, now you do. Don't make me start parenting you again. This was supposed to be my blow-off year.

Beverly: You are the greatest Tin Boy the world has ever seen. [gasps] Oh, I'm sorry. Tin Man. My delicious, little Tin Man.

Barry: After much personal reflection, I've decided that I need to put aside my hate of everything you love and accept my destiny. I'm here to be a star.
Ms. Cinoman: I don't follow.
Barry: Neither do I. I lead. And Big Tasty's gonna make this dull-ass musical more popular than a football game. That's the reach of my appeal.
Ms. Cinoman: Ah, okay, well, auditions have already happened-
Barry: Do you want butts in seats or not?
Ms. Cinoman: Of course I want butts in seats. That's all I care about.
Barry: Then make me the lead of the show. Stedman, I guess.
Ms. Cinoman: Wait. What?
Barry: "The Phantom of the Oprah". I assume it's her longtime companion, Stedman. The man behind the woman.

Ms. Cinoman: After an exhilarating weekend in New York City I stayed in a hostel I have decided to change the musical from that sappy schlock fest that is "The Wizard of Oz" and tackle the greatest musical sensation of our generation.
Adam: But don't we, like, need permission from Andrew Lloyd Webber to do his show?
Ms. Cinoman: We do, and he's granted it to us.
Adam: What?!
Ms. Cinoman: In spirit. Look, do you want to be a giant wussbag for the rest of your life or be a star?

Erica: First period, I kick things off with study hall, ease into my day. And then it's on to second period another study hall for naps and then typing class and then an easy "A" in home ec, and then ceramics, and then intro to summer.
Pops: That's a class?
Erica: It's an independent study I created. You know, there's a science to getting a good base tan.
Pops: Well, you outdid yourself. This schedule really does spit in the face of education as we know it.

Murray: Got to admit, all this prepping and planning very mature of you.
Pops: You approve of all this?
Murray: She's gonna be going to college soon. My job here is done.
Pops: Your job? As a parent?
Murray: Yep. Gonna be phoning it in from now on.
Pops: And this has been you not phoning it in.
Murray: I've been working my ass off.