Adult Adam: Back in the '80s, my family loved Halloween. The crazy costumes, the treats, the tricks. But since we were all older and had a new baby in the house, this year was on track to be more like any other day.
Beverly: Oh, this Lost Boys movie is entirely too scary. I mean, who in their right mind moves to Northern California?
Adam: Okay, let's just focus on the movie. Blood-sucking immortal creatures of the night are hell-bent on hanging out with high schoolers. It has flaws.
Beverly: I would love to be a vampire. Oh! Staying young with you forever? [chuckles] That is every mother's dream! And I presume every son's.
Adam: Yeah. Dreams. We all have 'em.

Barry: The Halloween war is on!
Adam: I know I shouldn't, but... what?
Barry: As you know, the Kremps have placed a family of skeletons on their lawn as a direct challenge to us.
Beverly: I think that's just Ginzy's lame attempt at a playful holiday decoration.
Barry: It is clearly a game of neighborhood one-ups-man ship. I will not allow our family to be out Halloween-ed!
Beverly: I guess we could string some lights together, and, uh... Oh, maybe get one of those giant Hefty bags shaped like a pumpkin that you fill with leaves. So, fun, but you get a chore done.
Barry: I'm talking about celebrating the way Americans are supposed to. With a front-yard deathscape that will haunt children's dreams into adulthood.
Beverly: My sweet boy wants to take the neighbors down by outshining them. [chuckles] I raised you so well.
Barry: I'm your favorite child. Now, to the street to see my handiwork in action!

Barry: Let the nightmares begin!
Beverly: [gasps] I love it. Ginzy's sad skeletons are already hanging their heads in shame. [chuckles]
Barry: Undead JTP!
All: [flatly] Undead JTP.
Barry: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You are murderous ice-cream men! Act like it!
Matt: I know it's too late to ask this, but you couldn't have just done this by yourself?
Andy: Yeah, and why aren't you in costume?
Naked Rob: We let him pour raspberry syrup all over us, and that's the question you're asking?

Adult Adam: [v.o.] The only problem for Geoff was quality time with his daughter was hard to come by.
Geoff: Oh, look, it's my ever-present mother-in-law who's beaten me to my daughter... again.
Beverly: She was fussy, so I swooped in to take care of it. You were seven seconds critically late. You could have starved because Daddy doesn't care about you as much as I do.
Geoff: Okay, I think that's a tad bit unfair. And how did you know she was fussy?
Beverly: Oh, I have a separate military-grade monitor. It picks up everything. [chuckles] Even when a certain someone is singing "Macho Man" in the shower.
Geoff: The beat is good to scrub to. And wait. You're monitoring our monitoring?
Beverly: That's what a good granny does: Parent quality control.
Geoff: I think we're doing pretty okay.
Beverly: [chuckling] Oh, silly Geoffrey. That's because I'm always around. You can't drop the ball if I never throw it to you.
Geoff: But it's not your ball.
Beverly: Oh, it is because I made the ball that made this ball.

Mr. Glascott: Hello, neighbor. Where are you headed this All Hallows' Eve? Perhaps to go trick-or-treating with your becostumed amigos? You should know that you are still teensy enough to get candy without judgment.
Adam: And you should know I'm uncomfortable with you assessing my body.
Mr. Glascott: I hear that more than I should.
Adam: And I'm not going out. I don't have a social life anymore since all my friends went off to college.
Mr. Glascott: Oh, goodness! My burble and chatter has opened up some deep wounds.
Adam: It's fine. I'm just gonna hang here and eat this entire bowl of Mounds.
Mr. Glascott: Holy coconut delights! Mounds are a delicious treat, but only in moderation. You must really be hurting and lonely.

Adam: Dave Kim did invite me to visit him in New York.
Mr. Glascott: But your dance card is painfully empty. Why didn't you accept?
Adam: Oh, no reason. [softly] New York City traffic scares me.
Mr. Glascott: I'm sorry. What are you saying?
Adam: The traffic is too much for me.
Mr. Glascott: Son, please, play to the back row.
Adam: [normal voice] I don't want to drive alone, okay? The taxis zip by too fast, and the pedestrians just step into the street with no regard for the "Don't Walk" sign! And then they yell, "Hey! I'm walkin' here!"

Mr. Glascott: The city does bring out the worst in us, but great news, I can give you a ride.
Adam: You're going to New York?
Mr. Glascott: It's the annual Prince impersonator competition, "Prince-o-ween"!
Adam: That can't be right.
Mr. Glascott: I didn't come up with it. But I'm gonna dominate it. That's why I'm here. I'm gonna borrow a pair of sparkly purple boots from your mom. She is a generous, big-footed lady.
Adam: She can clomp with the best of 'em.

Barry: Adam! I need all your money and coins! I blew through my budget on fake gravestones with comedic epitaphs like "Noah Scape" and "Barry D. Alive."
Mr. Glascott: Fun! It's a reminder that death comes for us all, but in a silly way.

Geoff: Erica, pack a bag because tomorrow I'm spending alone time with our daughter at the beach! I guess we can discuss it when you're conscious and not spread out like a starfish. How am I supposed to get back in there?

Dave Kim: Adam! Baby! Welcome to the West Village! Mwah! Mwah!
Adam: Whoa. So unexpected and European!
Dave Kim: You know it. DKNY is now international.
Adam: DKNY? Donna Karan's ready-wear line for today's smart set?
Dave Kim: Yup, and it's kind of my moniker, baby. Get the hell in here, baby.
Adam: You say "baby" an awful lot.
Dave Kim: I'm just saying how I feel. And how I feel is happy to see you, baby.