Adult Adam: [v.o.] It was September 22nd, 1980-something. Thanks to Bill, my dad's secret plan to help us grieve was in motion.
Bill Lewis: Hey, Mur!
Murray: Hello, Bill, my trusted friend who never lies. What brings you to this neck of the woods?
Bill Lewis: Well, I was just out patrolling the area for our community watch. We've had a few gruesome stabbings.
Geoff: Oh, no!
Erica: Stabbings?
Beverly: Told them not to put in that new bus stop.
Murray: Gee, Bill, that's a lot of terrifying information, but I'm sure that's not the reason you came over here.
Bill Lewis: Back on track. I spotted this envelope over in your begonias.
Murray: Mailman must have dropped it, and it blew away or something.

Bill Lewis: If you're worried about how to support your betrothed, there's one thing you can do... marriage class.
Geoff: You think that could help us?
Bill Lewis: It helped me and Dolores. Now I'm only slightly terrified when she says we have to talk.
Geoff: I live my life in constant terror!
Bill Lewis: Then let this be my gift to you. A five-pack of sessions with esteemed relationship expert, Dr. Carl.
Geoff: He sounds very good.
Bill Lewis: He might be the best. Or the only person that does this in the area.
Murray: The only lesson the boy needs is to buy a chair, sit in it, and shut up.

Bill Lewis: I sometimes give Dolores pet names after prime meats. Petit Filet, Ribeye'd Lady, Jenkintown Strip. She hates all of 'em.

Bill Lewis: When Dolores' cousin made "an announcement," there was confusion and tears, and then a happy acceptance where we all moved him up to Greenwich Village. He now works at a bar called Fellas. Great cocktails, fun clientele.

Barry: Let me answer that question with a question: Do you guys know who's in Philadelphia right now?
Matt: The mayor?
Andy: The Oak Ridge Boys?
Naked Rob: I have no guess, but I'm excited.
Barry: America's most dynamic film and TV star, David Hasselhoff!
Bill Lewis: Morning gravy! I love him in Knight Rider. Making the audience believe that you have a complicated, emotional relationship with a car? That's acting, folks.

Adam: Great, you're all here. We have got a lot to go over. Barry, take a seat.
Barry: [scoffs] Why would I sit? This is my meeting to brainstorm how I can meet and befriend David Hasselhoff.
Adam: No, it's my meeting to brainstorm how the community can come together to fill the void in Mom's heart when I go to college in a week.
Bill Lewis: I was invited to both meetings. It's a neat feeling.

Adam: Now on to me! The key to helping mom will be to distract her. She may not care about you all that much, but she's always game for meddling in someone else's business. Bill, what's going on in your life?
Bill Lewis: Well, Dolores and I are remodeling our kitchen.
Virginia Kremp: Ooh.
Bill Lewis: I could ask Bev to pick out knobs.
Adam: Hmm, we need something more personal.
Bill Lewis: More personal than knobs? Okay.
Adam: What if you confided in her that you and Dolores are having issues? You two have seemed distant lately.
Bill Lewis: We have?
Barry: She looks right past you, Bill. Everyone sees it.

Bill Lewis: Maybe I'll jump in here. Adam, stand up and give us a sit. [Adam stands up and sits down]
Pop-Pop: Aw, geez. You call that a sit? Our people didn't walk across Europe for you to bend like that.
Adam: What did I do wrong?
Bill Lewis: Watch me, son. [clears throat] [sits down] Notice your feet. They're on the floor... unguarded, defenseless to a kick or a stomping. Now, look at my feet. Always keep one foot off the floor. Then you're primed for action. Ready for a leap or a kick. Ha! Ha!
Barry: So you're never really sitting, but never really standing, either.
Bill Lewis: All right, fellas. Let's show him our sits.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] And they did. And it was strange. Very, very... strange.

Bill Lewis: Abruptly pivoting. There are three things you need to know about a car. You look under the hood, you listen to the engine purr, you kick the tires. You know the phrase "kick the tires"?
Adam: I once read about Steven Spielberg "kicking the tires" on an adaptation of Sweeney Todd.
Bill Lewis: Cat chasing a dog, what did you just say to me, son?

Virginia Kremp: The gnomes were creepy!
Bill Lewis: They're the small but jaunty guardians of my azaleas. You have no whimsy, Virginia Kremp! [Virginia gasps]
Barry: Look at this give and take, JTP. It's okay to feel jealous. Let it all out.
Andy: Let out our confusion?
Matt: I'm jealous of anyone who understands what's going on.
Bill Lewis: No whimsy! [Virginia gasps] [walks off]
Barry: Bill, no! We come and go as one!
Virginia Kremp: I've stood by when people have called me pinched, dull, and forgettable. But "no whimsy"? That is a bridge too far! [walks off]
Barry: You too, Ginzy? You're the glue!