Bill Lewis Quotes Page 6 of 11
Quote from Quaker Warden
Adult Adam: [v.o.] As the clock was ticking, it was time for my dad's plan to use Bill as a fake customer.
Bill Lewis: Hello, strange furniture men. I'm interested in purchasing a couch, and I don't know anyone that works in this store.
Formica Mike: I got this, Mur. Sir, you're gonna buy this beauty.
Bill Lewis: But that couch is dumb, and I hate it. Who'd want to sit on a mouth?
Formica Mike: Are you familiar with television bad boy Richard Grieco?
Bill Lewis: Grieco's got a mouth couch?
Formica Mike: He does.
Bill Lewis: I'm suddenly intrigued.
Murray: Are you sure? I'd think about that.
Bill Lewis: Scratch that. I have no interest in how 21 Jump Street's Officer Booker spends his lazy afternoons.
Quote from Bever-lé
Adult Adam: [v.o.] And nothing mattered more than beating my dad's best friend's team, the hated Cowboys.
Bill Lewis: Lord in the sky, if he misses this kick, I promise to live a just and pious life. Except on my birthday. And those evenings when the Asti Spumante hits Dolores just right.
Murray: Okay, let's lock arms to help him aim. Come on. Come on. [crowd cheers]
Barry: Yeah!
Murray: Oho-ho! Yeah! All right!
Barry: Never doubted it!
Murray: All right!
Bill Lewis: This is on you, big fella. I'm converting to whatever Murray is.
Barry: Whatever you do, Bill, don't come crying to us.
Bill Lewis: I appreciate your concern, but I only allow myself one good cry a year, and I wasted it on the death of my father.
Quote from Bever-lé
Murray: Dad, I'm trying out for the Eagles, and I want you to train me. [Bill and Vic laugh] And what's so funny?
Vic: You being trained by Murray? It's the blind leading the tragically immobile.
Bill Lewis: Your father can barely coach a nacho chip into his mouth. Look at his shirt.
Barry: For your information, Bill, my dad was a star football player back in high school.
Bill Lewis: Did he go to an all-girls school? [chuckles] Whoops. That felt sexist. Uh, God bless women and their tiny bones. Oh, I did it again. Um, ladies good.
Quote from Bever-lé
Bill Lewis: Nachos. Is it a meal, is it a snack? Either way, it's a great way to celebrate a child crossing a labor dispute.
Quote from Bever-lé
Bill Lewis: Wow. I've never seen your old man give a gift to anyone.
Barry: It's pretty special. When I win the Super Bowl, he'll be the second person I thank, right after my wife, Paula Abdul Goldberg.
Vic: The person you should be thanking is the good Lord above for watching over you and making sure that you are not violently killed tomorrow.
Barry: But long snapper's one of the safest positions on the field.
Bill Lewis: There's no such thing on the cruel and unforgiving gridiron.
Vic: In high school, I got tackled so hard, I lost three days. I missed Ann-Margret on The Flintstones as Ann-Margrock. Also, my grandmama's funeral.
Bill Lewis: You see this dent in my skull? I got that from my time on the turf. Now I can taste colors and smell feelings. [sniffs] Sad.
Quote from The Dating Game
Adult Adam: [v.o.] My mom wasn't exactly thrilled with my dad's surprise purchase, but she was never one without a plan.
Bill Lewis: Wait a tick. I don't want any part of whatever this is.
Beverly: Can't a woman bring macadamia muffins to her husband's best friend anymore?
Bill Lewis: Sweet Hawaiian gold. Macadamias are my weakness.
Quote from The Dating Game
Bill Lewis: Well... [sighs] Mur-man, I'm not gonna lie to you. This is more than a paint-and-patch.
Beverly: That sounds like big bucks. Please, Bill, be more specific.
Bill Lewis: You need new drywall.
Murray: Drywall? That's easy.
Beverly: Uh, anything else? Maybe something that isn't easy?
Bill Lewis: And new floors, I guess.
Beverly: You guess or you know? I don't want to crash through to whatever lurks beneath here. Is quicksand just a jungle thing?
Bill Lewis: Uh, that mold is, uh, deadly, and it'll eat your whole family.
Quote from The Dating Game
Bill Lewis: Well... no easy way to say this, Mur-man. It's gonna cost you an arm and a leg to fix this place up.
Murray: Bill, there's no amount of money I wouldn't spend to put a smile on this little lady's face.
Beverly: Last week you got mad at me for having grocery ketchup.
Murray: Well, those little packets are everywhere, but this is different. I know it'll take some work, but over time, we'll get it done.
Beverly: Time, as in the one thing we can never get more of?
Bill Lewis: That and gallbladders. Found that out the hard way.
Beverly: Bill, get out.
Bill Lewis: You drove me here. [Beverly points to the door] Fine.
Quote from The Proposal
Adult Adam: [v.o.] My mom desperately hoped Linda was wrong about the engagement, and there was only one way to find out.
Bill Lewis: There's our special snack-maker!
Vic: Can you believe we've been sitting here without a single chip and/or dip? And Murray pulled out a bag of uncooked rice.
Bill Lewis: It'll do in a pinch, but my teeth aren't thanking me.
Beverly: Linda Schwartz stopped the proposal.
Murray: See? Everything works out if you just do nothing.
Beverly: No. This is a bad thing.
Vic: Like not having snacks. I'd even eat a tomato like a piece of fruit.
Bill Lewis: I once closed my eyes and ate a radish while thinking about a pear. It doesn't work. The mind has limits.
Quote from The Goldbergs' Excellent Adventure
Bill Lewis: Barry's also not dealing with his grief. Instead of crying, he's raging and eating food in an unconventional manner.
Murray: He's always angry and eating stuff on sticks.
Bill Lewis: Mur, after the hubbub of my dad's funeral, that's when the sadness really hit. I didn't know how to deal with it.
I'd spend hours digging large holes for no reason. I even gave away our Swarovski crystal frog collection.
Murray: Crystal frogs?
Bill Lewis: You'd be surprised at people's affection for glass amphibians. Any hand-blown woodland creature, really. A bear, a moose, a raccoon, spunky chipmunk. But that's not the point.
Murray: I would hope not.
Bill Lewis: I finally got around to my dad's last wish. My wife and I spread his ashes around an oak tree. It was his favorite spot. Now, I put it off because I was afraid to say goodbye. But sure enough, once I faced it, I felt better.
Murray: I wasn't listening, but that had the rhythm of you being done.
David Koechner
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