Barry: Our knowledge of man-dom is vast, so we'll be focusing on four categories... Muscles! Aggression! Athleticism! Mechanics!
Adam: So... "ma'am"?
Barry: Ugh! I didn't see that. Darn! [chalk tapping] [sighs]
Adam: So..."Mama"?
Barry: Aw, damn it!

Adam: We're making an homage to the Billy Joel video, "Uptown Girl"!
Carmen: The cute doo-wop song?
Adam: Cute? It's a modern masterpiece by a genius at the height of his form.
Dave Kim: Doesn't he sing into a wrench and skip dance while rhyming "boy" with "toy"?
Adam: Height of his form.

Adam: Whaddaya say, Carm? It's the perfect location. Plus, I can finally meet your dad.
Carmen: Oh. [chuckles] Um, I'm not sure. It's a real business, you know?
Adam: We'll shoot after hours. And if you're worried about whether your old man will like me or not, don't be. Parents love me.
Dave Kim: It's true. His delicate and non-threatening demeanor makes dads feel at ease.
Adam: Kinda what Dave Kim said.

Adam: Would you look at this place? What a set! Gritty realism and, also, real grit.
Carmen: Not a set. Place of business.
Adam: Ah, cinema verite. I've been told that film style's good by adults, so it must be.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] And after sort of nailing that intro, it was time to prep for the shoot. Surely Carmen's dad would be impressed.
Adam: The grease... so authentic. Anyone have one of those wet towels you get in a Japanese restaurant?

Barry: What the hell, dude? What where you doing with all that "director" stuff? You made a terrible impression on Carmen's dad.
Adam: What are you talking about? I quoted Doris Day. I was on top of my game.
Barry: Mr. Ortiz is a manly man, a blue collar Joe. He doesn't want his daughter dating some dainty uptown boy.
Adam: Uptown boy? No way. Although he did seem a little miffed when I asked for a second toilet seat cover.
Barry: Never cover, bro! Lucky for you, I'm taking it upon myself to help you awaken your inner manliness. [walks off]
Adam: I assume I'm supposed to follow you?

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Tasked with making me manly to save my relationship with Carmen, Barry pulled out all the stops...
Barry: Adam, behold. The greatest collection of men the world and a one-block radius... has to offer. The JTP! With pity inclusion, Matt Bradley.
All: JTP!
Andy & Naked Rob: With pity inclusion, Matt Bradley!
Matt: Oh, come on.

Bill Lewis: Maybe I'll jump in here. Adam, stand up and give us a sit. [Adam stands up and sits down]
Pop-Pop: Aw, geez. You call that a sit? Our people didn't walk across Europe for you to bend like that.
Adam: What did I do wrong?
Bill Lewis: Watch me, son. [clears throat] [sits down] Notice your feet. They're on the floor... unguarded, defenseless to a kick or a stomping. Now, look at my feet. Always keep one foot off the floor. Then you're primed for action. Ready for a leap or a kick. Ha! Ha!
Barry: So you're never really sitting, but never really standing, either.
Bill Lewis: All right, fellas. Let's show him our sits.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] And they did. And it was strange. Very, very... strange.

Barry: Are you ready to learn more? Or will you eternally embarrass yourself in front of your girlfriend's dad?
Adam: Teach me your mannish ways.
Naked Rob: Always bring up local sports teams.
Barry: But always mention that they suck.
Andy: And all of your emotions that you keep bottled up in your day-to-day life, sports lets 'em come roaring out.
Adam: None of this seems healthy.
Naked Rob: It's not. My chest always hurts.
Andy: I cry in the shower and let the salty tears disappear down the drain.

Bill Lewis: Abruptly pivoting. There are three things you need to know about a car. You look under the hood, you listen to the engine purr, you kick the tires. You know the phrase "kick the tires"?
Adam: I once read about Steven Spielberg "kicking the tires" on an adaptation of Sweeney Todd.
Bill Lewis: Cat chasing a dog, what did you just say to me, son?