Kelly: Can I just ask, um, what happened with Amy?
Jonah: [sighs] Um... We, you know, just weren't on the same page about our future, and so we decided to break up. It was, uh... mutual.
Kelly: I remember us using that word too.
Jonah: Y- Yeah, but that...
Kelly: I think that people say breakups are mutual because they wanna feel like nobody's the bad guy, but I mean, come on. Usually one person is hurting more than the other.
Jonah: [sighs] You know what? Uh, you're... You're right. I'm sorry, Kelly. I...
Kelly: Oh, no. I'm... I'm good now. I had a lot of rebound sex, and I went to Cabo with my mom, so I'm past it. And- And it looks like you're in a good place too now with your, uh, situation.
Jonah: Yeah. Yeah. In my ex's house with Marcus.
Kelly: So you're good?
Jonah: Yeah! This is... This is exactly what I was going for.
Kelly: Oh, boy. It's coming out... [Jonah sighs] On the day I'm here. Good.

Kelly: I'm more of an Ellen person. [silence] It's fun when she dances.

Kelly: So you put water in his shampoo?
Jonah: I was diluting it to make more, okay?
Kelly: Oh, God.
Jonah: Wow, I am the worst roommate ever.
Kelly: I mean, I wouldn't call you great.
Jonah: Yeah.
Kelly: But at least... Nope, I got nothing.
Jonah: Jeez. Maybe my Christmas present to Garrett should be a night off from me.
Kelly: Well, I know this dive bar that's open all night Christmas Eve. They have a pool table and one of those video poker machines...
Jonah: Oh.
Kelly: That's just sexual for no reason.
Jonah: Oh, well, that sounds festive. Yeah, I could... I could stay at, like, a creepy motel nearby.
Kelly: Yeah, yeah, or, I don't know, maybe we'll hit it off, and you'll end up at my place. [both chuckle]

Amy: Oh, you don't really have to clean out the rat traps.
Jonah: Ah-ah-ah, a bet is a bet, and you won.
Amy: Yeah, that's not exactly how I wanted to win. Here, I'll give you a hand.
Kelly: All right! Let's do this.
Jonah: All right.
Amy: Oh! You already have help.
Kelly: Oh, well, I worked fast food jobs through high school, so I know my way around a rat trap.
Amy: So many talents.

Jerusha: Who are you wearing?
Kelly: Oh, I don't know. I can check the label.
Jerusha: It doesn't matter. I don't know designers. I'm Jerusha.
Kelly: Kelly. I feel like I overdressed.
Jerusha: When I saw you across the room, I thought you were a prostitute. That's a compliment.
Kelly: Oh, thank you.
Jerusha: You're welcome. I'm going to make you... a squirrel. Some people think squirrels are just rats, but they're not.
Kelly: Ok... It was nice talking to you.

Mateo: Do you want to go to Chang's? We can watch the losers give drunken interviews at the after-parties.
Garrett: Mm. Want to come? Kelly, you want to come?
Kelly: Oh, I thought you were... Am I invited?
Garrett: Yeah, that's why I said, "Kelly, you want to come?"
Kelly: I would love that. Thanks.

Kelly: Buying some apples, huh?

Kelly: All right, now it's buzzing at me like it's mad at me. [laughs] Or something. Making some fruit salad?

Kelly: How do you get money stains off your hands?
Amy: What're you talking about?
Kelly: You know how when you handle money, the ink comes off on your hands?

Kelly: [leaves message] Hey, me again. Where are you? If you won the lottery and are traveling the world, at least give me a call first, okay? So I can cancel our table. [lights go off] Okay. Bye.