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Workplace Bullying

‘Workplace Bullying’

Season 3, Episode 4 - Aired October 19, 2017

After Jonah fails to stop an attempted robbery at the store, Dina creates a hostile work environment for him. Meanwhile, Amy learns her colleagues attend a trivia night without her, and Glenn struggles to fire a security guard.

Quote from Sandra

Sandra: Sometimes the bus driver opens the door and, when I try to get in, he drives forward a little and then I try to get in again, but then he drives a little more and we're all laughing, but still...
Jeff: Yes, that is bullying, Sandra. Um... Jesus.


Quote from Dina

Dina: [tackles thief] You can run, but you can't hide! Jonah, call the police!
Jonah: Right.
Dina: Look who's grounded now. Jonah, I just did a Law & Order type zinger. Oh, he's calling the police. [thief grunts] Not on my watch, buddy.

Quote from Marcus

Marcus: Fight! Fight, guys. Jonah's fighting Dina. Fight, fight, fight, fight, fight... Guys, say it with me. It's so much fun. Fight, fight, fight... You guys are the worst.

Quote from Jeff

Jeff: Okay, so, I wanted to bring Dina up here so we could discuss this morning's incident.
Dina: Listen, I don't need an attaboy just for doing my job, okay? But I do think it's positive that this can open a conversation about self-defense and how each of us need to take action...
Jeff: What I'm saying is, don't do what Dina did.
Dina: I'm sorry, what?
Glenn: He said, "Don't be like you."
Jeff: Dina took it upon herself to physically confront the thief. And while it worked out okay this time, it could have turned into serious injury, or death, or God forbid, a lawsuit. I'm obviously joking. A lawsuit would not be as bad as death.

Quote from Amy

Dina: Okay, what if someone steals a baby? What then? Do you want me to just sit there and watch someone take a baby?
Cheyenne: What if the baby is wearing a bomb? Then wouldn't you want him to steal it?
Jeff: I'm trying to picture a scenario in which somebody planted...
Marcus: [gasps] Oh, what if it's baby Hitler?
Garrett: That's a very good question.
Jeff: Is it?
Glenn: I think you gotta kill that baby Hitler.
Jonah: Yeah.
Amy: But how would you know that that baby was gonna grow up to be Hitler? What if that baby was gonna grow up to be the exact opposite of Hitler?
Jonah: Churchill?
Garrett: No.
Roger: Lance Bass.
Garrett: Interesting.
Mateo: Oprah.
Garrett: Yeah, Oprah.
Cheyenne: Oh, yeah.
Amy: Gotta save that baby.
Glenn: Gotta save it.

Quote from Cheyenne

Cheyenne: Wait, you guys. What if it's baby Oprah, but the person stealing it is Beyoncé? [all murmuring]
Mateo: I need a pen and paper.

Quote from Amy

Amy: Hey. Oh, turkey sandwich. Hey, did you know that the sandwich was invented by the Earl of Sandwich?
Mateo: Okay.
Amy: That's just a little random fact that I knew. My head's full of all kinds of things like that.
Cheyenne: Who invented salad?
Amy: Good question. I have another one. Remember how we were just talking about turkey? Which founding father wanted to make the turkey our national bird?
Ken: Um...
Amy: Huh? Anyone? Benjamin Franklin, who, as we all know, also invented the Franklin Stove and bifocals.
Kelly: Really? I don't think that's true.
Amy: Well, it is true. I know it's true because I just looked it up.
Mateo: Okay.
Cheyenne: So did he invent salad?
Amy: No. No, that was someone else.

Quote from Cheyenne

Jeff: It's been brought to my attention that there has been some bullying in the store. [Dina is glaring at Jonah] I have spoken to the person responsible, but I would like to remind everybody that Cloud 9 has a zero tolerance policy against bullying of anyone under any circumstance.
Marcus: What if you're bullying Hitler?
Glenn: Bullying's probably what made him Hitler.
Kelly: Actually, I think it was not getting into art school.
Jeff: Okay, can we just forget about Hitler?
Cheyenne: No, we can't ever forget about Hitler.
Amy: She's right.

Quote from Jonah

Jonah: You know what? I'm glad you got written up. You are a bully.
Dina: Well, I'd rather be a bully than a castrated garden gnome.
Jonah: A garden gnome? What would you even castrate?
Dina: Well, who knows what's under those little pants? That's not the point. The point is, at least I'm not too weak to stop a simple robbery.
Jonah: That was an awkward situation. I could have destroyed that guy.
Dina: With muscles like those? Come on.
Jonah: I'm wiry because I work out with resistance bands, but believe me. They can get the job done.

Quote from Dina

Dina: I saw immediately it was a 487 in progress. The perp appeared to be unarmed. I did not see him violate my colleague, however, he could have violated him before I arrived on the scene.
Police Officer: Is that what happened?
Jonah: No, he did not violate me.
Dina: Well, you just had such a shameful look on your face when I showed up. I don't know what he could have done to you beforehand, but it is not your fault if he touched you.

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