Paul: Okay. As everybody knows, The Spirit of Pawnee was defaced again last night.
Leslie Knope: What was it this time?
Paul: Chocolate pudding.
Leslie Knope: Huh. That's new.
[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: The mural that normally resides here is called The Spirit of Pawnee. And it's very controversial. We've had someone throw acid at it, tomato sauce. Someone tried to stab it once. We really need better security here. We also need better, less-offensive history.

Leslie Knope: [aside to camera] It's gotten a lot harder to work in government. You think Winston Churchill ever had to pull his pants down and show his butt? No. But would he have? Yes. Now, could he have? Maybe not towards the end of his life, but he would have. Because he loved his job.

Ann: What is your ideal man?
Leslie Knope: He has the brains of George Clooney in the body of Joe Biden.
Ann: Interesting. That's a high, weird bar.

Leslie Knope: Oh, my God. It's an envelope from the IOW Awards Office! Nobody freak out! [silence] Do you know what this means? I am Pawnee's Woman of the Year!
[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: The IOW is the Indiana Organization of Women. I have been a dues-paying member since I was nine. And every year, they choose one woman to win the Dorothy Everton Smythe Female Empowerment Award. Winning is every girl's dream. But it's my destiny. And my dream.

Leslie Knope: [aside to camera] The IOW is a bunch of sexist jerks who need to get back in the kitchen where they belong, and leave the real feminist work to actual feminists like Ron Swanson! Oh, my God! What is happening?

Leslie Knope: Fire! Fire! Fire!
Andy: What? Where?
Leslie Knope: In my belly. Because the "24-hour Pawnee Cares diabetes telethon" starts tonight.
Ron Swanson: Goodie. Let us know how it went.
[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: Every year, Pawnee Cares teams up with the local cable access station to raise money for diabetes research. And it's important, because Pawnee is the fourth fattest town In the u.S. Goes us, uh, Dallas, Tulsa, and certain parts of the Mall of America.

Ann: Describe your ideal man.
Leslie Knope: He's dark and mysterious, and he can sing, and he plays the organ.
Ann: I think you just described the Phantom of the Opera.
Leslie Knope: Mm.

Leslie Knope: So as you can imagine, we would never have ordered a sign with all this complicated nonsense because, you know, we're not insane.
Walter: See right here on the order form? It says, "http://www.knope2012"-
Leslie Knope: I can read the sign. It does.
Walter: ".com/imagescmyk/"-
Leslie Knope: Well, but this isn't what-
Walter: "page/campaign/123"
Leslie Knope: You don't need to read the whole thing.
Walter: "9u/09230023"-
Leslie Knope: Mm-hmm.
Walter: "/poster/"-
Leslie Knope: It does say that.
Walter: ".jpeg."
Leslie Knope: Jpeg. Yes, Walter, it does say that. You're right, but using basic logic and human intelligence, one can surmise that this is a link to an image. This isn't what we wanted printed on the signs.
Walter: Whatever's on the order form I print. In this case, it was a long string of letters and numbers.
Leslie Knope: Can I just show you something here? There you go.
Walter: That's highly against protocol.
Leslie Knope: Well, here, look.
Walter: That's a good sign. You should've used that.

Leslie Knope: [aside to camera] I am putting together a scrapbook commemorating my first year on the city council. This year whizzed by so fast. There was so much more I wanted to do. But time is the relentless and cruel enemy of the devoted civil servant. It's actually one of the sub-titles of my scrapbook. Probably would've got more stuff done if I hadn't spent so much time brainstorming scrapbook titles.

Leslie Knope: Hey! What the hell is this?
Ron Swanson: I'm guessing it's my latest budget cut proposal based on your rage sweat.
Leslie Knope: First of all, I am rage glowing. Second, you wanna cut funding for the Pawnee Palms Public Putt-Putt? What did the P.P.P.P.P. ever do to you?
[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: Ron is very anti-government, and he has that philosophy, but there are just certain things that you don't cut. Schools, police, mini-golf, merry-go-rounds, parades, gazebo repair, roads and bridges, whatever. Pretty gardens, hummingbird feeders.