Tom: I'll have the surf-and-turf-a-saurus, and a couple of bottles of wine. I'm gonna need a lot of wine, so keep it flowing.
Ann: I'm not gonna be drinking anything. Just wanted everybody to know that.
[aside to camera:]
Ann: I'm not a big fan of group dinners where everybody splits the bill no matter what they get. I ordered a Tyranna-Caesar salad, and that's all I'm paying for.

Ann: Now, I have to tell you, I don't actually work in the Parks Department. I'm a nurse.
Man: Seriously? That's great news. I have the weirdest thing on my arm. Can you see this?
Ann: [to camera] Every time.

Ann: [aside to camera] I know what she's trying to do. She's trying to get me to break. And you know what? I'm not gonna do it. I'm gonna be professional, and I'm gonna put on a happy face, and then I'm gonna go into a supply closet and snap a bunch of tongue depressors.

Chris: No, you have to understand that at the time, I genuinely thought that you and I would never see each other again.
Ann: I completely understand.
Chris: Well, that's what makes you so amazing.
Ann: No.
Chris: Ann Perkins. Amazing. [Ann goes into kiss Chris] Oh, no.
Ann: Oh, no? Oh, no.
Chris: No, no, no. I wasn't saying that I thought we should get back together again.
Ann: But you said that... You indicated... Oh, my God, this is happening again.
[aside to camera:]
Ann: I have to move, right? Yeah. I'm gonna leave the country. Bye, everybody. Bye.

Ann: I... love you so much. Look at all these blankets. One on the ottoman, one on the chair, one on the couch... here, feel.
Leslie Knope: Holy hell, that's soft. Oh, my God, is that...
Ann: Yep! A whole shelf of coconut water.
Leslie Knope: I think I'm gonna cry. This is like girl heaven. Did he do all this just for you?
Ann: No! He just lives like this. He's deeply in debt, but you know what? Who cares! 'Cause check it out. Cheese plate and Adriatic figs. Leslie, this is always here. I don't know when he has time to make it. Boutique eye cream, unisex cologne, lip exfoliator, chocolate-covered almonds, and a Sudoku book... just amenities everywhere!
Leslie Knope: I love amenities.
Ann: I know!
Ann: Check this out. It's the best part. 80 degrees. Night and day.

Ann: JJ's diner put an old waffle iron up for auction. It's the perfect breakfast day gift for Leslie.
Donna: "Breakfast day"?
[aside to camera:]
Ann: Leslie has anniversaries for everything. "Zoo day," first time we went to the zoo together. "Double date day," it was the first time we went on a double date. "Daniel Day-Lewis day." "Talk-like-a-pirate day." "Talk-like-a-Pittsburgh-pirate day," which why and how? This calendar was last year's calendar day present celebrating the first time she ever bought me a calendar.

Ann: [aside to camera] Generally, I like to stay out of other people's business. But Pawnee is the fourth most obese city in America. The kids here are beefy. They're just husky, big-boned, plus-sized chunk monsters. I call 'em like I see them.

Ann: [aside to camera] Nothing like a complete physical breakdown to make a guy seem less intimidating. I love the flu.

Chris: I would like a local beer. I'd like it in a bottle. I'd like the bottle to be cold.
Ann: I would like a glass of white wine. I would like it to be chardonnay. And I would like that with one ice cube. Thanks.

Ann: Hey, let's get some food. I'm starving. Wait, no, I have to pee. Wait, no, I have to barf. Actually, all three. Being pregnant is great.