Adult Adam: [v.o.] And who could forget the ring salesman who grossly overestimated teenage interest in bulky jewelry?
Andy: Joss Stinn, bro? Is there any way you can take off the name of our school and replace it with "JTP" in emeralds?
All: "JTP" in emeralds?
Jeweler: No, there's not.
Geoff: You make me sad.
Naked Rob: Your rings are dumb.
Matt: Appreciate your time.

Ruben Amaro, Jr.: Bad news, bro. I ate all my GORP.
Matt: You ate all your GORP? That was supposed to last all summer!
Ruben Amaro, Jr.: Coach says we grow from setbacks, so this will be good.
Erica: Wait, Ruben Amaro Jr. - is following the Dead with you?
Ruben Amaro, Jr.: I was gonna train all summer because that's what it takes to go pro, but, man, I was putting so much stress and pressure on myself, I was doing crunches in my sleep.
Matt: The only crunching we do in my van is on some sweet GORP.
Ruben Amaro, Jr.: Lucky for me, Ruben Amaro Sr. was like, "Hey, Ruben Amaro Jr., Forget the future. Focus on the now."

Matt: I got it. Come work with me at The Gap. I get 25% off all cargo shorts. These are the same ones Queen Latifah wears.

Barry: First non-boring item to discuss... Big Tasty will be leaving shortly to attend a frat party.
Naked Rob: Good for you.
Andy: Fun.
Geoff: Greek life!
Matt: Sorry my birthday almost got in the way.

Matt: Everyone in my life is coming out of the woodwork, asking for jean jackets.

Geoff: Barry, again, it's Matt's birthday. We're going to hang with him.
Barry: Do you ever consider what I want on Matt Bradley's birthday?
Andy: We hadn't.
Barry: As my oldest, closest friends, you owe it to me to help me make even newer, closer friends.
Naked Rob: We have plans.
Matt: Good luck, Bar. I hope you get what you want.
Barry: I hope you get what you want on your birthday, Matt Bradley.
Matt: I know you were mocking me, but thanks, bro. It means a lot.

Matt: My sister gets priority on all my mom's love and affection.
Barry: No one cares about your tragic home life, Matt Bradley. I want to run on a plastic mat!
Erica: Well, we all have stories. I'll get the door for you.
Barry: JTP, I demand you stay.
Andy: Sorry, Tasty.
Naked Rob: Big sis rules.
Matt: Behind this smile is pain.

Andy: This really has been the best Pal-entine's Day ever.
Naked Rob: [sighs] My heart is full.
Matt: So is my stomach. That pasta was amazing.
Andy: Oh! And the carriage ride? Even though we didn't have a blanket, I still felt toasty.
Naked Rob: Let's finish strong.
[After they ice skate together:]
Andy: We need girlfriends.
Naked Rob: So bad.
Matt: Let's never speak of this.

Barry: Jenkintown Posse.
All: Jenkintown Posse.
Barry: I need your infinite guidance and wisdom. Matt Bradley, you're free to leave at any time.
Matt: I kinda live here, buddy.
Barry: Enough interruptions, okay? I'm in real trouble. I'm currently embroiled in a love triangle with the two most beautiful women on the planet.
Andy: Oh, uh, Rae Dawn Chong and the twins from the beer commercial?
Naked Rob: That would be three, doofus. I'm going with two Dana Delanys.
Matt: She could swim to my China Beach anytime.

Matt: I know things are weird for you, but imagine how weird things would be for Geoff if you were dating his sister, Joanne.
Barry: Oh, my God. You're right.
Matt: Wait. Are you actually listening to me?
Barry: Indeed, Matt Bradley. And now I know how to fix things with Geoff. By dating Joanne.
Matt: Oh, no.
Barry: Oh, yup. I'm gonna love his sister so hard, it'll make him insane.
Matt: That doesn't sound right.
Barry: Then I'll make him watch.
Matt: Only one way to interpret that.
Barry: Then he'll realize he should take me to see Nancy Glass. Ta!
Matt: And this one got away from me.