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‘Preventa Mode’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

The Goldbergs: Preventa Mode

714. Preventa Mode

Aired February 12, 2020

When Adam and Dana's prospective dates ask each other out, Beverly intervenes as a "preventa" to break the pair up. Meanwhile, Barry goes out on a date with his college teacher.

Quote from Andy

Geoff: Hey, JTP. We thought we'd swing by and check in on you guys. We know how lonely Valentine's Day can be.
Erica: But cheggit, you're all dressed up. So I guess you found dates?
Naked Rob: And yet we did not.
Andy: In fact, we have no romantic prospects at all.
Matt: So, in lieu of lady companionship, we decided to celebrate our friendship.
Andy: We call it Pal-entine's Day.
Erica: At least you improved the name, because last year's Valen-dudes Day was a real big whiff.
Andy: First, we're gonna go to Dante & Luigi's for a little linguine and laughs.
Naked Rob: Then a carriage ride around Rittenhouse Square to see the city lights.
Matt: Finally, ice-skating at this rink my uncle manages. He's gonna let us use it after hours, so it'll be just us.
Andy: I know it sounds crazy, you guys, but I really think we could raise a baby.

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Quote from Barry

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Back in the '80s, our teachers looked like this. They were sad-sacks, angry-sacks, or lonely-sacks. But that all changed in college, when Barry actually had a hot teacher.
Barry: Pour some knowledge on me.
Erica: Stop it, Barry. She is an intelligent woman who shouldn't be reduced to just an object, and, oh, my God, she's got cheekbones for days.
Barry: Why would she be a T.A. when she could be holding a number to indicate what round it is in a boxing match?
Erica: The only thing I get is that you're a super gross horn dog.
Barry: But it's not just that. She actually makes me want to learn. I'm hot for teacher.
Erica: Like the Van Halen song?
Barry: That song perfectly captures both her profession and my feelings towards that profession.

Quote from Erica

Erica: What the hell? You got an A, too?
Barry: Yeah. I cranked that bad boy out quick. That's Barry's number-one trick for academic success... Speed.
Erica: There is no way we both earned A's.
Barry: Erica, when you say things like that, it makes me think you think I'm not intelligent.
Erica: I don't. You are widely considered stupider than me by family, society, and any jacket with a zipper.
Barry: That was one jacket! And you're just mad that I got the same grade as you.

Quote from Beverly

Adam: Her name's Brea, and I've already said too much. Besides, it's not like there's anything I can do. I waited too long, and Andrew Gallery asked her first.
Beverly: If it's just a timing thing, I can fix that. I'll just break them up.
Dana: You couldn't really do that, could you?
Beverly: Let me tell you about Adam's father's first love, Ilene.
Murray: What about Ilene?
Beverly: She was an awful toad, Murray. Don't interrupt.
Murray: She was nice... You know, with the hair and the face and the other stuff.
Beverly: I knew he and that expired bag of soup were wrong for each other, so I had no choice. I had to go into "preventa" mode.
Dana: Preventa?
Adam: A preventa is the opposite of a yenta. Instead of putting people together, they tear them apart.
Beverly: I'm among the world's best at both.

Quote from Beverly

Murray: I liked her. She smelled like lavender, she made me corn muffins. What did you do to her?
Beverly: She did it to herself, Murray, by writing that letter to her ex-boyfriend. [chuckles] All I did was get it out of her mailbox, break into your car, and leave it for you to read.
Murray: You did that?
Beverly: Yes. And today, you have a loving wife and beautiful children who don't look like butter-filled pinatas.
Murray: It all makes sense.

Quote from Barry

Barry: Hello, Geoffrey and sister. I thought it might be St. Valentine himself here to smile down upon the lovers, the dreamers, and those that are neither loved nor dreamed about.
Erica: Ohh, don't touch my face with your bathroom hand.
Geoff: Is that Polo Sport by Ralph Lauren I smell?
Barry: Indeed. It's made from the sweet sweat of wealthy ponies.

Quote from Barry

Naked Rob: Wait, Bar, you have a Valentine's date? That's amazing.
Erica: What's her name, Jennifer Canada?
Barry: First of all, Ms. "Ca-nada" moved back to the part of Manitoba with no phone service.
Matt: That all sounds right. Tell us about this new special lady.
Barry: Well, she's...
Adult Adam: [v.o.] In that moment, Barry remembered the promise he made to Elana.
Barry: She's made up. Erica's right. I'm just a big fat phony who has no one.
Erica: When you just cop to it, it kind of ruins the fun.
Barry: Yeah, no fun for you or me. Anyway, I'm off to the library.
Andy: With a box of chocolates and a blazer?
Barry: Brain food and wearing my brain blazer because I got a date with my brain, and he's about to get very lucky. For what it's worth, you guys would make great fathers.

Quote from Geoff

Geoff: Whatever it is, it's awesome. Dude, you're hot for teacher!
Barry: Thanks, buddy. You're a good friend.
Erica: Stay out of this, Geoff.
Geoff: On it, yeah. I just got to ask... Has she ever given you, like, a pop quiz but then the quiz is just kissing?
Erica: Geoff!
Geoff: Sorry, babe. Follow-up question... Has she ever started class by emerging from behind a curtain, wearing nothing but a bikini and a sash?
Erica: Dude! I didn't know this side of you.
Geoff: It's always been in there!

Quote from Erica

Barry: You're unbelievable! Did you know this was the first girl I liked since Lainey?
Erica: Please, do not try to convince me that this thing with our teacher is real.
Barry: Why not?
Erica: Maybe because you're shaped like Grimace from McDonald's?
Barry: Oh, thank you. That purple gumdrop is a delight.
Erica: He is not a delight. Grimace is a simpleton with short, useless arms.
Barry: He could still carry a shake! And his clumsy antics are the perfect foil for Ronald. He gets the job done.
Erica: What job? And, oh, my God, it's conversations like this that make me certain our hot teacher couldn't like you.

Quote from Erica

Elana Reid: Let me hand back your essays. Fantastic job.
Erica: Shama-lama-ding-dong! Erica dids it again.
Elana Reid: And, Barry, yours is in here somewhere.
Erica: Oh, just look for the one with the strawberry-jam fingerprints.

Quote from Erica

Elana Reid: Mr. Goldberg. Please see me after class.
Barry: Oh, no.
Erica: She must've realized that English isn't your second language.

Quote from Barry

Barry: Knock, knock. Wow. Check out all these books. It's like that weird store in the mall that sells books.
Elana Reid: Well, you've got to read a lot of them if you want a PhD.
Barry: I get it. I'm gonna be a doctor, too, but, like, a real one who plays God and parks wherever he wants and tells loved ones he tried but it's their nana's time.
Elana Reid: [chuckles] I knew you were funny. That paper you wrote comparing Weber's theory of rationalization to LL Cool J's song "Big Ole Butt" made me laugh out loud.
Barry: I am so glad! You're so cool and pretty and know all of LL Cool J's masterwork on butts. [chuckles] Go out with me tonight.
Elana Reid: That's intense, considering it's Valentine's Day.
Barry: Oh, no, Barry. You asked your dream woman out on the most romantically charged day of the year?
Elana Reid: It's okay.
Barry: No, forget I said anything. I'll just drop the class and quit school and become a lowly sixth man on a struggling NBA franchise.
Elana Reid: Don't become a Charlotte Hornet.
Barry: You know the NBA? I can't take it. Reveal your shortcomings.

Quote from Adam

Adult Adam: [v.o.] It was Valentine's Day, 1980-something, and for the first time in a long time, I had my eye on someone special. No, it wasn't Dana. We were now just friends. In fact, we were both interested in other people.
Adam: Okay, I'm gonna ask Brea to the Valentine's Couples Skate. Glasses on or off?
Dana: I thought your eye wanders when you take them off.
Adam: Not if I close it. What do you think?
Dana: I'd keep them on.
Adam: Good note. Let's do this.

Quote from Beverly

Adam: Here's to being totally cool with not having a Valentine.
Beverly: There's my scrumptious Valentine! Come on, give Mama a... Oh, Dana! Hell no! Not again.
Dana: Nice to see you, too, Mrs. Goldberg.
Adam: Mom, I know you're not Dana's biggest fan, but we're just friends.
Beverly: Oh, thank God. I thought you were back together.
Adam: In fact, we just found out the two people we like are going with each other to the Couples Skate.
Beverly: Wait, another harlot dares toy with my baby's heart?
Dana: I'm a person.
Beverly: Dana, this is not about you. I need to know her name, where she lives, and what time she goes to sleep.

Quote from Adam

Adam: So, the point of this incredibly upsetting story is that you can break up two teenagers so we'll find love?
Beverly: It's what a good mama does.
Adam: Thank you for the offer, but...
Dana: We'd love your help.
Adam: You seriously want to involve my mom in this?
Dana: I like Andrew, you like Brea. What other choice do we really have?
Adam: We can wait them out. And after their marriage goes stale and the kids move out, they'll agree to amicably go their separate ways. Then we pounce like cats.
Dana: Or we let your mom preventa it up.
Beverly: You are wise beyond your appearance, Dana. It's on. I'll see you in the den in five.
Adam: This will end bad.

Quote from Erica

Erica: He's wearing a blazer, he smells like Macy's, and he's happy? Something's up. We need to follow him.
[later:]
Erica: Holy crap! He's on a date with our teacher! Do you know what this means?
Geoff: Barry's hot for teacher, and teacher's hot for him!
Erica: No, he didn't write a good paper. He smooched his way to that A.
Geoff: Oh, right, this is about you. I'll do better.

Quote from Adam

Beverly: Who's ready to break up some teens?
Adam: I still don't think this is a good idea.
Dana: It is. I already bought a cute skating outfit.
Beverly: I like this color on you, Dana.
Adam: It's just, breaking up two people for no reason seems kind of mean.
Beverly: What's mean is allowing two people to stay together when there are other people out there who would make them happier.
Dana: Way happier, Adam.
Adam: Okey-dokey. Since this seems to be happening anyway, I'm in.

Quote from Adam

Beverly: Now, the first thing we need to do is start a bogus rumor.
Dana: He's a pyromaniac, and she sells organs on the black market.
Beverly: Too dark. [chuckles] But I wish I knew this Dana before. Oh, I've got one. Now all we need is a gossipy hen to run with it.
Adam: I know just the hen.
[cut to Adam talking to Johnny Atkins by his locker:]
Adam: Get this. Andrew Gallery, who's already going to the Valentine's Skate with Brea Bee, sent flowers to the field hockey team.
Johnny: What happened to the sanctity of monogamy?
Adam: I don't know, but keep this to yourself. Definitely don't tell anyone.
Johnny: How can I? How can I?

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: By lunchtime, the rumor should be the talk of the cafeteria.
Dana: Won't Andrew just deny it?
Beverly: Of course he will. But that brings us to step two... Plant evidence.
[cut to:]
Andrew: But it's not true. Why would I send flowers to the field hockey team? They're 4-9.
Girl: Thanks for the flowers, Andrew.
Andrew: I don't understand this!
Brea: I do. You got busted. Have fun with all those plaid skirts at the Valentine's Skate.

Quote from Adam

Beverly: And, finally, step three, be there to pick up the pieces.
[cut to:]
Adam: Hey, Brea. I heard what that coward did to you. Just know there are some good guys out there.
Brea: What was I thinking?
Adam: There's no way to know. But... I'm here now.
Brea: Thanks, Adam. Your mom really raised you well.

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