Adult Adam: [v.o.] While I was outsourcing my paper, Geoff's new business was already a source of great stress.
Geoff: Food in a Geoffy. Please hold. [telephone rings] Food in a Geoffy. Please hold. [telephone rings] Food in a Geoffy. How may I help you? What do you mean you only got three loose fries with your order?
Naked Rob: That's on me. I'm a snacker when I drive.
Andy: Me too. But who's gonna actually check the exact length of a footlong?
Geoff: Guys, stop eating the food!
Matt: Does that apply to beverages? 'Cause there used to be two shakes, and now there are none.
Geoff: Damn it, JTP. Just go! Deliver!

Erica: What business?
Geoff: Great news, Erica. I found a better way to relax than hanging around your dorm room. I started a relentless, high-octane food-delivery company. [telephone rings] Food in a Geoffy! Please hold!
Erica: Wait, what is it?
Geoff: Well, it's extremely simple, really.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Except it wasn't.
Geoff: Say you want a burger. [pager beeps] You just page my beeper, I get the page and then call you back wherever I am. You place your order with me, and then I call the restaurant and place that order with them. Then, I or one of my many unreliable drivers get your order, and we drive it to you for a small delivery fee. [pager beeping] Then it starts all over again. And again and again. I haven't slept in two days.
Erica: $2 for all that work?
Geoff: Pretty cool, huh?

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Erica was worried that Food in a Geoffy was leading Geoff to a nervous breakdown, so she was going to help him relax with a movie.
Erica: See? Isn't this nice? Just you and me and the stress-free corpse comedy of Weekend at Bernie's.
Geoff: Babe, I appreciate it, but I'm fine. Honest. [looks at popcorn] Oh, no! Who is this for? I never got the order, and now it's gonna be late!
Erica: Geoff, the popcorn is for you.
Geoff: Oh, right. I forgot sometimes I eat food, too.

Geoff: We're looking for a lost cheesesteak.
Digby Yates: Hey, here's a fun fact... The, uh, Philly-style steak sandwich was invented in the 1930s, but cheese was not added until the '40s.
Murray: Just tell me where my sandwich is.
[cut to:]
Ned Frank: Let me take a look. Mm. Definitely not in the bottom of this can.
[back:]
Digby Yates: You know, the French have their own version of hide-and-seek. It's called "Sardines." A little fun twist, though, there's only one hider. [chuckling] Everybody else seeks.
Murray: He's a bit off. I'm out of here.

Geoff: Erica, what are you doing?
Erica: What I should have done days ago. Geoff, you've always taken care of me, especially last year, when I was finding myself. But now it's time for me to take care of you. Unless you like this terrible business.
Geoff: I hate it so much! I've gotten three speeding tickets, Barry's spent all my money, all the neighborhood dads are weirdos, and my car permanently smells like moo shu pork.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] After their public throwdown in the quad, the dean called Barry and Erica in for a private meeting.
Dean: We take fighting very seriously.
Geoff: Oh, God, will this go on our permanent records?
Dean: Are you a student here?
Geoff: Boyfriend of a student.
Dean: That's not anything.
Geoff: And yet it's all I got.

Virginia: Oh, gosh, Bevy, I'm a wreck. Someone broke into my car last night.
Beverly: Oh, no!
Virginia: They put a giant hole in my windshield.
Erica: You know, Geoff had the same thing happen to his crappy car last night.
Geoff: Yeah, someone put a hole in my windshield, too. And in my sense of well-being.

Beverly: Thank you for coming, everyone. I've got Officer Puchinski here to give us some tips about how to deal with this crime wave and make sure that nobody gets decapitated.
Geoff: Decapitated? It's just a hole in my windshield!
Beverly: Well, that's how it starts, Geoffrey. Do you have any enemies?
Geoff: Well, the sun is no friend of mine. I freckle up fierce.
Beverly: We're not talking about your gross skin.
Beverly: We're talking about someone that might want to separate your head from your shoulders, and do God knows what with it.
Geoff: Somebody please do something!
Beverly: Officer, any leads on who might lop off Geoff's head?

Beverly: Now, I've gone over this map, and I have determined that all of the car break-ins in this neighborhood have happened on this block.
Geoff: Oh, no! A pattern!
Erica: It's two pushpins, Geoff.
Geoff: You see it, too!

Beverly: Thank you all for coming and thank you once again to my brother-in-arms, Officer Puchinski.
Jane: Well, I assume we're here so you can fess up to cracking my car window.
Beverly: Oh, I did crack something, Jane. I cracked the case. [women gasp] Yeah. That's right. The person who broke the windows was... this guy. [all gasp]
Geoff: A pinecone?
Erica: And it would've gotten away with it if it weren't for you.
Jane: Please. I mean, this is really who you want leading your neighborhood watch?
Beverly: Both Ginzy and Geoff parked underneath the giant pine tree out front. The autumn breeze loosened one of the cones, and... Whammo! Broken glass.
Virginia: That does make sense.
Geoff: Of course! Pinecones! They're nature's rocks!
Erica: Rocks are nat... Never mind.